The Lion and Albert

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the Ocean:
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars —
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild  —
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear.

You could see that the Lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im,
And swallowed the little lad 'ole.

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said 'Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert',
And Mother said 'Well, I am vexed!'

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom —
Quite rightly, when all's said and done —
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it;
He said 'What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten?'
Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!'

The manager had to be sent for.
He came and he said 'What's to do?'
Pa said 'Yon Lion's 'et Albert,
'And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too.'

Then Mother said, 'Right's right, young feller;
I think it's a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we've paid to come in.'

The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying 'How much to settle the matter?'
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?'

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said 'No! someone's got to be summonsed' —
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the P'lice Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told 'im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing,
'And thank you, sir, kindly,' said she.
'What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!'

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24  

 

Hope Enflame - I LOVE THIS! The rhythm, the rhyme, the written dialect, the apostrophe usage, the comedy!
on Jun 23 2021 08:58 AM PST   x rate: , ,   skip edit
Serendipity-Angie - Lol lovely, thank you for sharing
on Jun 15 2021 01:27 AM PST   x  edit
tinhearts - Oh this is mesmerizing
A magical tale indeed
Truly enjoyed

Clever job
on Jun 14 2021 04:31 PM PST   x rate: , ,   skip edit
Mark Matthis - That's really good lol
on Jun 09 2021 04:32 PM PST   x  edit
The Gasman - Never gets old.
on Jun 05 2021 08:58 AM PST   x  edit
Gio Paternostro - Reading this brought me a huge smile to my face. Fresh, funny. My inner Child thanks you.
on May 29 2021 01:32 AM PST   x rate: , ,   skip edit
Apen2paperPoet - This is a nicely written poem.
on May 24 2021 05:51 PM PST   x  edit
Ellene Randall - The great Stanley Holloway. How wonderful to be reminded. My late father's name was Albert and this brings back so many memories of when he used to recite 'Our Albert' with exaggerated gestures and make us collapse into uncontrollable laughter.  Thank you

Nice post.
on May 18 2021 02:00 AM PST   x rate: , ,   skip edit
Andre de Korvin - Evidently little Albert here was no relation to Albert Einstein if one uses the parent's intellect as a guide. Lions like Wallace love that kind of Alberts, it views them as delicatessen from Einstein's beagle shop. Great and fun post!
on May 14 2021 04:48 PM PST   x rate: , ,   skip edit
Mark yelland-brown uk - A wonderful classic!!
on Apr 20 2021 01:43 AM PST   x  edit
Shpat - This takes me back to my childhood when you could see the animals in the Tower Zoo, see elephants exercising on the beach and laugh at the great Charlie Carolli in the circus.

Clever piece
on Mar 30 2021 01:53 AM PST   x  edit

Comments from the archive

- From guest la abel elyakub (contact)
Extra odinary i love poems
on Apr 22 2010 06:32 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest harley (contact)
this poem is alright but not really good because some of the sentances that are suppoed to ryme ryme but the sentances are to long
on Apr 21 2010 02:34 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest Carole Butterworth (contact)
Simply brilliant!!!!
on Apr 03 2010 01:17 PM PST   x  edit
- From guest Jaqui graham (contact)
This was my dads party piece every Xmas he has passed away now and I do so miss him but whilst Reading this I heard him saying every word and in that fantastic accent he used this has made my day
on Mar 06 2010 09:01 AM PST   x  edit
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- From guest Erli Martinson (contact)
I recited this poem from memory in second grade. I was so shy that my teacher let me turn my back to the class while I recited it. That was in 1956 and I still remember much of it.
on Mar 06 2010 08:26 AM PST   x  edit
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- From guest angela moorhouse (contact)
love the story it reminds me of my school days our head teacher told us the story every hoilday i dont no how he rembered it all off by heart
on Jan 11 2010 01:49 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest Rattlesnake (contact)
It was Nov. 2009 when I first heard "The Lion and Albert" recited by a charming old man at a party in North Yorkshire and was smitten! I am an American songwriter from West Tennessee and I love Britsh poetry, songs, films, stage and your great actors. Thank you for your inspiration! BTW Shel Silverstien was a close friend of mine.
on Dec 30 2009 04:16 AM PST   x  edit
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- From guest Joyce (contact)
Bringing back memories of school days 50 years ago.
on Dec 28 2009 07:42 PM PST   x  edit
Mary Ann Love - When teaching I often use "The Lion and Albert" alongside a great little poem by Shel Silverstein called "It's Dark in Here". The children love looking at the events inside and out. Poetry is an essential part of a balanced and healthy literary life.
GO POETRY!
on Nov 05 2009 01:28 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest Mary Ann (contact)
I have been enjoying this poem since my childhood and have shared it with many of the children I have taught. I often use it alongside a great little poem by Shel Silverstein called "It's Dark in Here". I think it is so important to make all kinds of poetry (not just narrative verse)an integral part of children's reading from the outset. GO POETRY!!!!
on Nov 05 2009 12:36 AM PST   x  edit
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- From guest Michelle (contact)
My Grandad used to recite this to us all the time 30 years ago whilst making his pipes infront of the fire what a lovely memory!
on Oct 25 2009 06:42 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest Tony Bowker (contact)
on Jul 08 2009 06:19 PM PST   x  edit
- From guest Phil (contact)
I read/memorised verses 6&7 at primary school - aged about 9, so 1973. Thought it would be fun to read thi sto my 7 & 3 year olds.
on Jun 12 2009 08:28 AM PST   x  edit
- From guest Ruth Henriquez Lyon (contact)
I first heard this in 1988, in the Canadian Rockies, at Lake O'Hara Lodge, recited by a Canadian (with great feeling!)as part of the weekly guest/staff variety show they would put on. He had everyone in the room roaring with laughter. He did a very good imitation of the dialect the poem was written in, which greatly impressed me, an American. The line "What do you usually pay?" stuck with me all these years, and I often find situations in which to use it.
on Jun 06 2009 05:03 AM PST   x  edit
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- From guest Dave (contact)
Fond memories of Bob Steele WTIC
on Apr 22 2009 09:21 AM PST   x  edit
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