XxAngelicWingsxx• Show poetry

I have been on this earth for eighteen years now… it seems like forever. I had a long discussion with myself about what kind of person I am and what I wanted to be; I came to the conclusion that I have no clue. Am I who I want to be? I’m not really sure. Am I where I want to be? Probably not. I guess I could answer that question if I knew where it was that I wanted to be at any point in my life. Do I like who I am? Most of the time, no. But yet, I haven’t done anything to be better myself or change. I’m a creature of habit I suppose. I know things about me, but I do not know yet who I am. I have a complex, paradoxical, mix of elements to my personality: intriguing and yet frustrating, sophisticated yet immature, compassionate yet self engrossed, optimistic yet cynical, experienced yet naïve, self aware yet confused.

Elyse: a bitchy, irritable, addictive, sweet, silly, in love, sarcastic, beautiful, insecure, pierced, tattooed, shy, honest, indescribable dancer, massage therapist and pet care specialist with a painful sense of humor. I am a confident, strong willed, independent, determined, fun, loving, spontaneous, patient, calm, relaxed type person. I am the girl you will never care to notice. The girl who will always be willing to give you everything… if only you wanted what she had to give. I want the best for everyone that I meet, even if they don’t deserve it. I love the rain. I’m really not a good person. I could be better. I could be more beautiful, more interesting and more moral, but I’m not.


I’m a teacher. I’m a student.


I think my true friends are where I want them to be for the most part. They have always been there for me and I could not ask for more. They are the one thing that has never let me down in my life. No matter what has happened, they have always been my shining stars… my heroes. True friends are the people that are there for you unconditionally. They are the people that never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are. They are the people worth living for! These people and many more make my life wonderful. They make everything else in my life seem like it doesn’t matter. All my worries just go away when I am with them.

Am I where I want to be relationship wise? Maybe. In all past relationships, I have stayed guarded and haven’t really let anyone get to know the real me before I pushed them away. I don’t know why I do it. Maybe it is because all of the past traumatic experiences I have gone through? Whatever the reason, with him it is different. I want to share everything… every little aspect of my life; the significant things along with the small stupid petty things. I just count the minutes till I cam spend time with him again. I think about him constantly. I love him with my whole heart and soul. The problem is I never show it the right ways when he is right there. I just can’t formulate the words around him… I am transformed back into a little girl with a grade-school crush. We joke and play around like fifth graders on the playground of life. I’m affectionate… but I am terrible about telling a guy how I feel until it is too late. I just want to be able to let someone past this fortress that I’ve been building for so long. I’m so guarded. I’m terrified of feeling something real for someone again… because then what do I do? I have once before… and look where it led. It terrifies me that I don’t have a plan… I can’t control this. I’m crazy about him… I always have been… since the very beginning, when I first laid eyes on him. I didn’t think he would feel the same way about me… so I just sat back and wondered, “what-if?” He vocalized that he thought the same thing, felt the same way I did and now I don’t have to wonder ‘what if’ anymore and I don’t want to throw that away… I can’t throw that away. All I know is that I love where I am at right now… with him… and it can (hopefully) only get better.

You are probably to the point where you are confused as to why I write the dark poetry that I do. Although I focus on the enlightenment of the things that are going good in my life, it hasn’t always been that way. I have my friend, family, and faith to keep me going, and if it hadn’t been for any of those things at certain points in my life, I wouldn’t be here right now. I have been through more than most in my short eighteen years. Suicides, Rape, Murder, Death, Destruction… that’s just some of the things you’ll encounter when you scratch the surface of my life. But, when I lay my head down at night I know that I am safe and I am loved. I know that I will always have someone there to break my fall… to help me when I am at my worst… and to laugh and smile with me when things are great. I love and miss you all.



I challenge all of you to think back to any certain time in your life and just ponder “what could have been”… think about where your life would be had you made a different decision than the one you made; if you took a different path than the one that is laid out for you.

Where would your life be… who would you be?






Here Is The Deeper Story:


I just think of how fragile life is and how so many take it for granted.

Have you ever found your way in life and lost it? Ever lost that one thing you couldn’t live your life without? Had your best friends die without them ever knowing how you felt about them, without having time to say goodbye? Have you ever found your one true love just to have them so ruthlessly taken from you?

That is what my life is: Loosing the things I care most about. I care for so many, yet hold one thing dear to my heart… one person. Why do you care for so many people at once? Why do you in turn end up loosing contact with those said people? Why do you try and forget the bond between friends and lovers that you once made? Why do you still care? Do they? Why do you cry when someone dies? Would you cry for me? Loosing connections with others can resort to these types of questions. You will never know what is going on till it is too late. Keep in touch… why loose that bond if you once loved them, whether it be as friends or romantically. Why is the one thing in life that can make or break someone that in which I’m talking about… love.

Everyone always asks me why we are here… What is the reason for living, why do we exist? I think I have found the answer to all these questions and more.

It Is Simple…

The reason we are here is to love and care for those we would give our very own life for… and to.

If you are like me and have lost family, friends and LOVE as I and feel the same as I do, then take this from me:

Live your life day by day until it is your last.



This section is “about the author”… “about me”…



This is who I am. I am a caring person… genuine, broken and lost. I am just trying to find my way to my other half – my better half – my love.





“Potete chiudere i vostri occhi alla realtà ma non alle memorie„


Translation:
“You can close your eyes to the truth but not to the memories „