Unknownfrailty• Show poetry

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Quotes:

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."
-- Mae West

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
-- Charlotte Whitton

"Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in."
-- Rita Rudner

"Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."
-- William Congreve (1670-1729)

"The great question … which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is What does a woman want?"
-- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

"He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun.'"
-- Jack Handey

"The female of the species is more deadly than the male."
-- (Joseph) Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

"If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"  
- Unknown.

"Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe him, but if he tells you that a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?"
- Unknown.

"What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?"
- Unknown.

“On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"  
-- Anonymous

"Its been a rough day. I got up this morning.... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  
-- Albert Einstein

“Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!”
-- Steve Bluestone

“A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.”
-- Sanskrit proverb

“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."
-- Jack Handey

“I love women. They're the best things ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. “
-- Mel Gibson

“I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.”
-- David Niven

“Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.”
-- Lenny Bruce
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