"When I heard the news... I looked in the mirror and cried "How does this pain go away?" The man in the mirror, eyes not of my own, told me that the pain never goes away, not matter how hard we try to forget. It will continue to haunt your soul and keep eating away at your heart and feelings... every damn day of your pathetic miserable existence. But one day, that was when the man reached out of the mirror and placed his hand on my shoulder, one day the man continued, you will learn to accept the pain and your sins, it will become bearable. The pain is still there, in your heart, and it will eventually become part of you lad, and that dreading part, will numb the pain when you can finally learn how to live with yourself."- Z. Reaper
Sometime ago, I was a boy age of thirteen. I'd like to say I lived happily without pain and without sorrow. But it haunts me, it is in my wake just as death follows each and every one of us waiting for the moment he can take our life away, take the will to live. Well one day death took away a dear friend to teacher me a lesson, I think its necessary as I looked back upon it, and it changed who I was and who I would eventually become. A lesson where I need to control my emotions, control of the person I act with. For when I lose control I lose who I am, I lose the morals I was raised upon; I lose thought of who the hell I am. I become anger; I become something less than human I don't know who I am or what I had become...
Well when I was this ignorant kid, yes ignorant of all the world's darkness, i knew there was war and everything but I didn’t know that the darkness, the pain, the sorrow was always with me everywhere I went. I had only seen the non-existent light, the one that would turn out to be suffering and only pain. So on a cold winter day I got a call from an old dear friend; this wasn't the good old "Hey Buddy How's It Goin'!" sort of call. No. He called on a much much graver matter.
I picked up the phone and I heard crying, I heard a voice that was tearing up inside, my friend Seven. I won’t use real names because I believe that privacy is that of anothers. I asked him what was wrong, dear how I regretted ever asking that… it was those words that would change everything. Seven spoke into the speaker saying he couldn’t take it anymore, he can’t do this. I wondered what he was talking about so I pried deeper, and I got an answer I never wanted to hear from him or from anyone for that matter. He told me that he wanted to die; he wanted to end it all. I cried out not expecting those words from him, I always saw him so happy with all of our friends. Now that I look back on it, I should’ve seen the signs, him speaking in a grave tone making it seem like there was nothing in life. He was always so pessimistic, always never looking at the bright-side the one that never existed for him. So I ask you readers, who was the fool? The one who pretended to be happy, yet his heart was torn apart and shattered? Or the one who never saw the signs, always ignorant to the words of another.
Seven poured his heart out to me on the phone; he told me he’s been trying to kill himself. He has been trying to do so for the past eight months but every time he got near doing so, he stopped he couldn’t pull that trigger. He wasn’t able to do it because every time he got close someone interrupted him and he had to put on that fake smile I know too well now. He asked me should he live or die… I told him that not one man should control life, not one man should choose who ends it all. He lashed out in return, he said I was his only life line; it was my words that will choose if he lives or dies.
I sat there losing control, why confine to me, why choose me to help you. I can barely help myself. So I yelled into the phone that I didn’t care at all, I simply just didn’t. He could die and see if anyone would care. Those words I regret each day I live. That day I committed my darkest sin, I took a human life away. It was my fault, I controlled a human life for that simple instance and it went away.
I looked into the mirror and my image distorted, red eyes, anger in my features… I didn’t realize what was happening at the time. I tore my eyes from the mirror and I heard it crack right in the center. When I looked again I saw something utterly frightening, in the mirror rest my distorted self and Seven with glazed eyes in his features, paled skin and blood going down from his forehead, was this a sign, an omen? I blinked rapidly and saw the mirror perfectly fine, no crack, nothing. So I just ignored it and continued my life putting Seven away from my thoughts.
Two weeks later would be the next time I heard from anyone, I traveled away and went camping for awhile to clear my head. When I got home I checked my phone, there was an unread message. It was from my friend, Sky, she told me that there was a terrible accident. I got worried so I quickly called her and asked her what happened, she was crying and told me some news I never wanted to hear. Seven died two weeks ago… he put a gun to his head and pulled that trigger. My heart stopped at that instant, I dropped the phone and got down on my knees, Sky was yelling into to the phone I was ignoring it. I picked up the phone again slowly after a minute, I asked her what day… she sounded confused but she told me on Tuesday.
I thought back and then stood there rigid. That was the day I talked to him, I asked what happened. She told me that Seven’s parents found him in the bathtub after they heard a gunshot ringing through the house. There was a note left by him, clean of any blood but stained with tears.
Since there would be no help in choosing what happens in the end, there is no one that can help me anymore. There will no longer be Seven, for I leave this world and find my eternal slumber away from the darkness. So goodbye everyone please do not see me as a coward who tried to escape, but see me… as one who could not find something to live for.
I sat there in disbelief, I almost cried to Sky asking her if this is some sort of sick joke that she and Seven had done. She was still crying on the other line, she wished the same thing. I sat there and told her I had to go, she understood but she truly didn’t know that I left my friend alone, walking beside himself, with nothing and he turned into a tragic story. Left on the news, left in our hearts. I looked into the mirror and cried "How does this pain go away?" The man in the mirror, eyes not of my own, told me that the pain never goes away, not matter how hard we try to forget. It will continue to haunt your soul and keep eating away at your heart and feelings... every damn day of your pathetic miserable existence. But one day, that was when the man reached out of the mirror and placed his hand on my shoulder, one day the man continued, you will learn to accept the pain and your sins, it will become bearable. The pain is still there, in your heart, and it will eventually become part of you lad, and that dreading part, will numb the pain when you can finally learn how to live with yourself.
This man in the mirror wasn’t me, nor was he the distorted image before me sometimes ago. This man had my face, but his eyes weren’t. He held a firm sorrow, but it showed acceptance. Had this man committed my same sin? And how can he be so okay with it? I asked the mirror again, why did this happen why, why. The man replied that sometimes bad things happen to good people so that they can see the light, see the world for what it truly is. The mirror continued that the world just isn’t light with darkness added in, the world is just darkness. That we must make the light, we are the real light of the world and that we must help every thing and everyone around them. I closed my eyes thinking on his words and the man disappeared and my image was left back in the mirror.
I sat there, the man was right. The world was darkness, and I need to accept that. I need to accept my sins and know that in the end I will become a better person because of them. I got up and walked out into the winter storm alone, just as Seven had been. But the difference was I won’t let the pain get to me, I will not take the easy way out. If we all just gave up there would be too much to regret too much to say oh I should’ve or I could have been. Giving up on life or just walking away is the path I shall not follow and it took this Winter Tragedy to help me.
So I took my leave of the storm, I went back to my home and laid down falling asleep not truly being awake till Seven’s funeral. I took up on the podium a gentle snow falling from the sky as we sat in the cemetery. I looked up and told the audience how much Seven had loved the snow, how he called me up once before at six in the morning to play in a blizzard with him, we ended up playing paintball in the snow with a bunch of other friends. We had the brilliant idea that day to mix gasoline and paintballs, I am sure that Seven’s parents remember that day when he lost an eyebrow when the flame caught his guard when he went up to wipe the paint from his hair.
I got an even laugh from the audience, and mournful looks from the family and friends that remembered Seven. Today was the day that I gave my first teaching I guess I would call it. I looked to the audience, the family of the dead, the friends he held dear, and I looked into the reflection of his coffin where the man in the mirror nodded at me. I told the audience of my first encounter with the mirror, who I deemed as my conscious from that point on. My words continued on continued on as I took the mirror’s words into my own.
When I heard the news... I looked in the mirror and cried "How does this pain go away?" The man in the mirror, eyes not of my own, told me that the pain never goes away, not matter how hard we try to forget. It will continue to haunt your soul and keep eating away at your heart and feelings... every damn day of your pathetic miserable existence. But one day, that was when the man reached out of the mirror and placed his hand on my shoulder, one day the man continued, you will learn to accept the pain and your sins, it will become bearable. The pain is still there, in your heart, and it will eventually become part of you lad, and that dreading part, will numb the pain when you can finally learn how to live with yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen please hear out the words I say to you all, this is poor kid died because he couldn’t accept it all. And who are we to say that we aren’t part of the cause. We didn’t see that he was in pain; we didn’t see what the hell happened till it was too late. Seven couldn’t take in the pain and sin, and he lost himself, he lost who he was. Just as I had, that one fatal day. Our sins, fill our mortal realm and holds things from within our past… we need to be true to ourselves, we need to trust everything, the sins are a part of us and we need to know realize they make us stronger.
Ladies and gentlemen Seven died because he lost himself, I lost who I was when I talked to him. Just because I couldn’t see, I was blind to it all. Ladies and gentlemen I am sure Seven doesn’t want to us to repeat his mistakes. So please take the words on his tombstone to the fullest and kindest of heart, remember ‘No all of us our heroes when we die for a sins.’ So when we look to our future remember the darkness carries on and makes us who we are. Thank you.
I stepped off the podium and laid a bouquet onto Seven’s coffin. I heard some clapping and crying coming from the audience, and I looked into the ice on the road and saw the man again. He smiled and nodded, told me that my first lesson and my first teaching was a success. I looked around and saw Seven’s girlfriend, the one he had been with for a long time, everyone was sure that it was true love and they would get married, well I guess they can’t do that anymore. She looked into my eyes and told me thank you with tears coming down from hers.
She told me she was planning on ending it also, so she could be with Seven again, together in eternal happiness but… There was always a but when you talk about bad news. She sniffed a bit and continued that my words came to her and struck her strongly in the heart, and she was happy she heard them. She told me that I was a good friend to Seven and that he was probably happy that I spoke at his funeral. She gave me a hug and moved on she moved away from where we lived in our early teen because the pain it brought to her. I never heard from her again from that day and I hope she’s living happily now, and accept the pain.
I looked to his grave as the casket was slowly lowered into it and the music he requested to be in it was being played, Cemetery Gates how fitting. At that moment I felt a presence lifted up, the snow around me had a set of footprints exactly next to mine… maybe it was Seven standing next to me and spirit finally moved on when I was able to move on as well. I knew that Tragedy changed who I am, and that it made who I currently am today. Like I said before, sometimes bad things happen to good people so that they can move on and help others, move on and cherish life, move on one final time into a new beginning.
This is the first chapter of the memoirs of Z. Reaper
Winter Tragedy
Dedicated to a lost friend
Walking through winter streets alone
He stops and takes a breath
With confidence and self control
But that all went away
Before he had the chance to speak
His words, those he cannot say
As his body became so frail and weak
This winter tragedy I so remember
The day I lost a friend
In that chilling and frozen December
When that young boy had entered the fray
And his soul went away
A tragedy
That turned into this
Sad Melody
This boy I still miss
And I remember
He was walking all alone
Sometime ago, I was a boy age of thirteen. I'd like to say I lived happily without pain and without sorrow. But it haunts me, it is in my wake just as death follows each and every one of us waiting for the moment he can take our life away, take the will to live. Well one day death took away a dear friend to teacher me a lesson, I think its necessary as I looked back upon it, and it changed who I was and who I would eventually become. A lesson where I need to control my emotions, control of the person I act with. For when I lose control I lose who I am, I lose the morals I was raised upon; I lose thought of who the hell I am. I become anger; I become something less than human I don't know who I am or what I had become...
Well when I was this ignorant kid, yes ignorant of all the world's darkness, i knew there was war and everything but I didn’t know that the darkness, the pain, the sorrow was always with me everywhere I went. I had only seen the non-existent light, the one that would turn out to be suffering and only pain. So on a cold winter day I got a call from an old dear friend; this wasn't the good old "Hey Buddy How's It Goin'!" sort of call. No. He called on a much much graver matter.
I picked up the phone and I heard crying, I heard a voice that was tearing up inside, my friend Seven. I won’t use real names because I believe that privacy is that of anothers. I asked him what was wrong, dear how I regretted ever asking that… it was those words that would change everything. Seven spoke into the speaker saying he couldn’t take it anymore, he can’t do this. I wondered what he was talking about so I pried deeper, and I got an answer I never wanted to hear from him or from anyone for that matter. He told me that he wanted to die; he wanted to end it all. I cried out not expecting those words from him, I always saw him so happy with all of our friends. Now that I look back on it, I should’ve seen the signs, him speaking in a grave tone making it seem like there was nothing in life. He was always so pessimistic, always never looking at the bright-side the one that never existed for him. So I ask you readers, who was the fool? The one who pretended to be happy, yet his heart was torn apart and shattered? Or the one who never saw the signs, always ignorant to the words of another.
Seven poured his heart out to me on the phone; he told me he’s been trying to kill himself. He has been trying to do so for the past eight months but every time he got near doing so, he stopped he couldn’t pull that trigger. He wasn’t able to do it because every time he got close someone interrupted him and he had to put on that fake smile I know too well now. He asked me should he live or die… I told him that not one man should control life, not one man should choose who ends it all. He lashed out in return, he said I was his only life line; it was my words that will choose if he lives or dies.
I sat there losing control, why confine to me, why choose me to help you. I can barely help myself. So I yelled into the phone that I didn’t care at all, I simply just didn’t. He could die and see if anyone would care. Those words I regret each day I live. That day I committed my darkest sin, I took a human life away. It was my fault, I controlled a human life for that simple instance and it went away.
I looked into the mirror and my image distorted, red eyes, anger in my features… I didn’t realize what was happening at the time. I tore my eyes from the mirror and I heard it crack right in the center. When I looked again I saw something utterly frightening, in the mirror rest my distorted self and Seven with glazed eyes in his features, paled skin and blood going down from his forehead, was this a sign, an omen? I blinked rapidly and saw the mirror perfectly fine, no crack, nothing. So I just ignored it and continued my life putting Seven away from my thoughts.
Two weeks later would be the next time I heard from anyone, I traveled away and went camping for awhile to clear my head. When I got home I checked my phone, there was an unread message. It was from my friend, Sky, she told me that there was a terrible accident. I got worried so I quickly called her and asked her what happened, she was crying and told me some news I never wanted to hear. Seven died two weeks ago… he put a gun to his head and pulled that trigger. My heart stopped at that instant, I dropped the phone and got down on my knees, Sky was yelling into to the phone I was ignoring it. I picked up the phone again slowly after a minute, I asked her what day… she sounded confused but she told me on Tuesday.
I thought back and then stood there rigid. That was the day I talked to him, I asked what happened. She told me that Seven’s parents found him in the bathtub after they heard a gunshot ringing through the house. There was a note left by him, clean of any blood but stained with tears.
Since there would be no help in choosing what happens in the end, there is no one that can help me anymore. There will no longer be Seven, for I leave this world and find my eternal slumber away from the darkness. So goodbye everyone please do not see me as a coward who tried to escape, but see me… as one who could not find something to live for.
I sat there in disbelief, I almost cried to Sky asking her if this is some sort of sick joke that she and Seven had done. She was still crying on the other line, she wished the same thing. I sat there and told her I had to go, she understood but she truly didn’t know that I left my friend alone, walking beside himself, with nothing and he turned into a tragic story. Left on the news, left in our hearts. I looked into the mirror and cried "How does this pain go away?" The man in the mirror, eyes not of my own, told me that the pain never goes away, not matter how hard we try to forget. It will continue to haunt your soul and keep eating away at your heart and feelings... every damn day of your pathetic miserable existence. But one day, that was when the man reached out of the mirror and placed his hand on my shoulder, one day the man continued, you will learn to accept the pain and your sins, it will become bearable. The pain is still there, in your heart, and it will eventually become part of you lad, and that dreading part, will numb the pain when you can finally learn how to live with yourself.
This man in the mirror wasn’t me, nor was he the distorted image before me sometimes ago. This man had my face, but his eyes weren’t. He held a firm sorrow, but it showed acceptance. Had this man committed my same sin? And how can he be so okay with it? I asked the mirror again, why did this happen why, why. The man replied that sometimes bad things happen to good people so that they can see the light, see the world for what it truly is. The mirror continued that the world just isn’t light with darkness added in, the world is just darkness. That we must make the light, we are the real light of the world and that we must help every thing and everyone around them. I closed my eyes thinking on his words and the man disappeared and my image was left back in the mirror.
I sat there, the man was right. The world was darkness, and I need to accept that. I need to accept my sins and know that in the end I will become a better person because of them. I got up and walked out into the winter storm alone, just as Seven had been. But the difference was I won’t let the pain get to me, I will not take the easy way out. If we all just gave up there would be too much to regret too much to say oh I should’ve or I could have been. Giving up on life or just walking away is the path I shall not follow and it took this Winter Tragedy to help me.
So I took my leave of the storm, I went back to my home and laid down falling asleep not truly being awake till Seven’s funeral. I took up on the podium a gentle snow falling from the sky as we sat in the cemetery. I looked up and told the audience how much Seven had loved the snow, how he called me up once before at six in the morning to play in a blizzard with him, we ended up playing paintball in the snow with a bunch of other friends. We had the brilliant idea that day to mix gasoline and paintballs, I am sure that Seven’s parents remember that day when he lost an eyebrow when the flame caught his guard when he went up to wipe the paint from his hair.
I got an even laugh from the audience, and mournful looks from the family and friends that remembered Seven. Today was the day that I gave my first teaching I guess I would call it. I looked to the audience, the family of the dead, the friends he held dear, and I looked into the reflection of his coffin where the man in the mirror nodded at me. I told the audience of my first encounter with the mirror, who I deemed as my conscious from that point on. My words continued on continued on as I took the mirror’s words into my own.
When I heard the news... I looked in the mirror and cried "How does this pain go away?" The man in the mirror, eyes not of my own, told me that the pain never goes away, not matter how hard we try to forget. It will continue to haunt your soul and keep eating away at your heart and feelings... every damn day of your pathetic miserable existence. But one day, that was when the man reached out of the mirror and placed his hand on my shoulder, one day the man continued, you will learn to accept the pain and your sins, it will become bearable. The pain is still there, in your heart, and it will eventually become part of you lad, and that dreading part, will numb the pain when you can finally learn how to live with yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen please hear out the words I say to you all, this is poor kid died because he couldn’t accept it all. And who are we to say that we aren’t part of the cause. We didn’t see that he was in pain; we didn’t see what the hell happened till it was too late. Seven couldn’t take in the pain and sin, and he lost himself, he lost who he was. Just as I had, that one fatal day. Our sins, fill our mortal realm and holds things from within our past… we need to be true to ourselves, we need to trust everything, the sins are a part of us and we need to know realize they make us stronger.
Ladies and gentlemen Seven died because he lost himself, I lost who I was when I talked to him. Just because I couldn’t see, I was blind to it all. Ladies and gentlemen I am sure Seven doesn’t want to us to repeat his mistakes. So please take the words on his tombstone to the fullest and kindest of heart, remember ‘No all of us our heroes when we die for a sins.’ So when we look to our future remember the darkness carries on and makes us who we are. Thank you.
I stepped off the podium and laid a bouquet onto Seven’s coffin. I heard some clapping and crying coming from the audience, and I looked into the ice on the road and saw the man again. He smiled and nodded, told me that my first lesson and my first teaching was a success. I looked around and saw Seven’s girlfriend, the one he had been with for a long time, everyone was sure that it was true love and they would get married, well I guess they can’t do that anymore. She looked into my eyes and told me thank you with tears coming down from hers.
She told me she was planning on ending it also, so she could be with Seven again, together in eternal happiness but… There was always a but when you talk about bad news. She sniffed a bit and continued that my words came to her and struck her strongly in the heart, and she was happy she heard them. She told me that I was a good friend to Seven and that he was probably happy that I spoke at his funeral. She gave me a hug and moved on she moved away from where we lived in our early teen because the pain it brought to her. I never heard from her again from that day and I hope she’s living happily now, and accept the pain.
I looked to his grave as the casket was slowly lowered into it and the music he requested to be in it was being played, Cemetery Gates how fitting. At that moment I felt a presence lifted up, the snow around me had a set of footprints exactly next to mine… maybe it was Seven standing next to me and spirit finally moved on when I was able to move on as well. I knew that Tragedy changed who I am, and that it made who I currently am today. Like I said before, sometimes bad things happen to good people so that they can move on and help others, move on and cherish life, move on one final time into a new beginning.
This is the first chapter of the memoirs of Z. Reaper
Winter Tragedy
Dedicated to a lost friend
Walking through winter streets alone
He stops and takes a breath
With confidence and self control
But that all went away
Before he had the chance to speak
His words, those he cannot say
As his body became so frail and weak
This winter tragedy I so remember
The day I lost a friend
In that chilling and frozen December
When that young boy had entered the fray
And his soul went away
A tragedy
That turned into this
Sad Melody
This boy I still miss
And I remember
He was walking all alone
Write for at least 3 minutes! 0:00
