1 - 27 of 27
-
Unspecified on June 2, 2006Hey you. Long time no talk. How've you been?
-
wbiro on May 9, 2006Yes, now I see your God/Satan theme in the piece... (but aren't relationships like that?!) As for my guy/girl perception- that stems from my coming across so much of it here each day! So a refreshing theme you have here... and choosing good over evil- that is also rare...
-
wbiro on May 8, 2006Hello, ktg, I just noticed your request in the Constructive Criticism Application area! So I'll give your piece a critique... here it is for reference:
In the corner, the iniquity hisses vile inexactitudes
and beckons me to join the side show carnival of beautiful dilapidation.
This time, though, I turn down the clown who smiles deceit
and choose to walk the path that opposes his direction.
Everything is going to be all right this time because I believe the beauty exists in its unbent form in another place and time.
I have found the stars that trace the pictures of the factualism that he once led me to believe was nonexistent.
The notes ring clear now,like diamonds,
in the fading blue of the sky's song,
Playing me the answers to every riddle
that once was plagued with such taunting questioning.
Finally, now I am overwhelmed with an iridescent cure that shall never leak the grey of the eighty-sixed who now sits, burning ireful scarlet, scarring in his corner as he soaks in his own defeat.
What could this be but God's plan to lead me, dark blue and crumbled,
to the land of the living where I can once again blush periwinkle, sparkle and be pieced back together by the angels of Heaven.
Glorious is this frosting candle,
still flaming on the ice like the perfect contradiction,
where the falsity prophecy's the authentic,
So that in the end the lie never existed in the first place.
The truth was just misinterpreted from the beginning
OK, the first line doesn't have any emotion, and has large words, so it sounds like a guy writing it, and one who just lost the female portion of his audience! Now I just discovered you are a female, and that it is an important part of the poem, I just realized. (I didn't expect to have an insight during this critique!) The poet's gender issue throws a whole new light on the subject matter... in my case, it opened up my 'acceptance' to it somehow (don't quite know, it's a psychological matter beyond me!) and has reshaped my reaction to it... don't ask me how or why there either, I'm just observing myself from without... OK, now to read and see if I can generate any constructives... well, the first stanza is quite humorous in a tragic way, when one really reads it! lol sorry... OK, it's something about beauty and a bad relationship... then suicide (for him)... then the last lines go even deeper into truth/perception... I almost hear screaming then calm... OK, mechanics- I would play with the form to experiment with the visual aspects, it looked a bit disorganized in the IM box... in playing with the form I often end up unintendedly editing feelings and imagery, too... I see there is no title to your piece, I would have a lot of fun with that... let's see... 'Beauty and Lies' 'Beauty Lies Suicide and Victory' 'Beauty- The Sideshow' 'Beauty and Clowns' 'The Nightmare Within this Beauty' you see how the gender of the author is important- as a female the author is walking within the beauty, a male would be observing it from without... I hope this helps, or at least is a bit stimulating! -
the blinding Son on December 30, 2005yeah i have aim. ill give you mine.. and my bands aim. mine is Viudanegra88... and my bands aim is VulgarTryst im on both... but mostly im on myspace. do you have a myspace??
-
Quill on November 7, 2005Glad you liked it , thanks for taking the time to read it and comment.
-
Poetic LieSins on October 15, 2003Hey yo, It's C-Rod.
I know it's been a minute./
But I had to come back,
Immortal like infinite//
KTG, you know I'm just hollerin/
Keepin things greased and thick like collagen//
I'm down for your style,
It's appreciated/
Your words calm down heads.
They already mediated//
Been a day or two/
So I can spin a pen or a few//
Keep it locked down/
Emcees have dropped now/
The lady to cop now/
Think you can get her to stop? how//
Now, I think I'm finished/
I ran out of rhymes.
Yeah, I'm finished//
Holla!!!!! -
almostthesea on September 27, 2003hahahaha that poem rocked. seriously. the system is pretty unfair and corrupted. about time someone wrote a poem about unscrupulous attorneys and crap. hope it's not you they're after :s just cause someoen looks a certain way doesn't mean that they're bad. and you'd think they'd all already know that and learn that, yet still...sometimes they don't. they're just too assuming and discriminating just because THEY'VE HAD PATHETIC LIVES AND NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE IT OUT ON.
god...
ed -
almostthesea on September 26, 2003hey you...thanks for your comments, i hope you know that i really do appreciate them. i appreciate all sincere comments. heh, not the ones you get that say "good job, keep writing". isn't that annoying? anyway, thanks for all your comments and um...hey i noticed my former name 'hatemachine' up there. hehe, thanks.
uh...idk how to do this...well...SHOUTOUTS BACK! YAY!
mmmmmmkay, off to read some of your stuff,
eddie -
Blazor on September 14, 2003Hey Oompa, Don't worry, i'll credit the work to ya. It's an acting thing where we form a little collage of works around a theme. I have no intentions of stealing your stuff, I think the world needs to hear ya, and i'll help out with that.
-
kain wolf on August 28, 2003Thanks for replying to my comment. I hope you find someone who has a heart worthy of you.
Kain. -
JuiceeRae on August 24, 2003kkkkkkT! hey girl. i thought i would visit and read the 10,000 poems u wrote recently. which is a lot bcuz i haven't been on to look. sry a/b that boo. anyway love ya lots.
later
RayRay -
Blazor on August 12, 2003Just check under my author page, where it says how many poems i've written, and there's a link to my addline
-
Blazor on August 10, 2003Hey Buddy, when you get a chance, check out my add-line, i'd like you to put a part on there too. Pretty please, everyone is welcome to do the same...
-
Blazor on August 8, 2003Yo check this lady's rhyme
Enticing, a slicing the chained minds
let loose the dogs of war
and unleash this White rose thorn
blissful blessing on my page's face
allowing a view into the days
of a lady's truth
letting no pain unavenged
allowing no wound unmend
This is the woman with something to say
KTG, a sister that knows the way...
BOOM
Blazor
Thanks for the comments dudette...
Edited on Jan 22, 11:27 p.m. because ''. -
JuiceeRae on August 8, 2003KT...hey gurl just wanted to say i care about u and luv ya lots. i will always be here to listen to ya. and yaknow, my b-day is in 10 days...so in ten days call me bcuz then it would all make sense. anyway
luv ya boo.
Ray -
Poetic LieSins on July 31, 2003Hey, I don't know what that was you did on my page, but it was tight. Lemme try:
It's my turn to make emcee's burn.
I only have one question:
When they gonna learn?/
It's a simple question to an
Insimplicit answer.
But there isn't a cure cuz my rhymes
Kill silently like cancer/
Dont try to step to me in the next couple years
Cuz you wasn't with me when I was strugglin, sheddin tears/
MTV, not for me, I respect the underground.
And if it's commercial, time to look for another sound/
KTG more mystrious than the KGB/
Undercover, no other can come tighter.
I smoked this site, someone gimme a lighter/
Haha...i tried. You got skillz! -
JuiceeRae on July 27, 2003KT!!!! hey gurl...i'm coming back either tues nite or weds. dunno yet. so uh, miss me? miss u!! anywayz holla back>.luv ya lots!!
Ray -
shattered glass on July 27, 2003saw your review. On the "don't ever try to kill yourself" thing, well, it's a bit late for that. but oh well, i'm still alive (unfortunately)
But I'm better now, without the use of anti-depressants, I might add. Those drugs addle your brain and fuck you up. In fact there was a recent study that shows that kids under the age of 18 with severe depression (which is what I had) should not take Paxil (which was prescribed to me and I pretended to take) because it causes an increase in suicidal thoughts. I was right all along. 
Edited on Jul 27, 3:20 p.m. because '" because I felt like it, you obtuse twerp! "'. -
WaryDreamer on July 21, 2003Thanks for visiting my work and leaving a comment about your dreams...I believe you already know the answer to your question. It may lie deep within your heart rather than within your consciousness for now.
m -
shattered glass on July 19, 2003Angela. I was the one who really sucked in that class.
-
JuiceeRae on July 16, 2003yea me being the dumbass i can be i figured out u don't get points. well horse shit!
RayRAy -
JuiceeRae on July 14, 2003damn i shouls of wrote more to recieve aleast one point. i didn't recieve on fucking point so now i'm gunna keep on writing and recieve wat i deserves. bitches. hey check out my new poems,also. alright i think i wrote enuf now. lov ya babe
Rach -
JuiceeRae on July 14, 2003ahh KT...i jut love ur poems. yea they are really good. i'm glad u told me this website. but yea keep on writing girl.
luv ya
Rach -
shattered glass on July 12, 2003If you are who I think you are, I was in your Drama class last year (well, I was in drama I and you were in III). if you aren't, ignore this, since I don't make sense half of the time.
-
I'm a Mormon. Or Latter day saints as they would prefer to be called. I've lived my religion all my life. My dad was the bishop of my ward for about 6 years.. adn so it was very hard for me not to practise! I always liked it tho. I have all my friends in my church!or most of them.I moved to calgary a few months ago, adn lost touch with myself..a dn God to some extent! it's been more difficult without him... adn I'm going back to church soon hopefully. But I guess It's not all about wether you go to church or not. it's wether you have your beliefs! anyways! what denomination are you?
write back! and glad to find someone who has beliefs as well!.. or well, In God adn who actually writes about them!
Love, Channi -
beloved hate on May 31, 2003I like your little poem thing up there, it's awesome! I just wanted to say you are an awesome poet, keep up the great work. stop by my page any time!
luv
bebe
1 - 27 of 27
