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Lanasaur : To Tammy on February 28Super-Star Sister
I have this sister
she is so cool
I always miss her
when she goes to school
I have this sister
she has a lovely smile
you can always trust her
she makes life worthwhile
I have this sister
she enjoys to read
she has a great personality
and is not full of greed
I have this sister
I love her to bits
I always cry
when she's in a fit
I have this sister
she likes to laugh
she puts perfume on
or doesn’t take a bath
I have this sister
her poems will go far
she is 99% a superstar
and 1% bazaar
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Lanasaur on February 25HELLO TAMZI ...WERE MOVING HOUSE ON THE 22ND YAY
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Lanasaur : hiya have a nice day on February 19
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Rhythm Child on February 12what poem babe ?
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Rhythm Child on January 31awwwwwwwwwwwww i just read what you wrote
thats beautiful
im chuffed
as soon as i get the time ill do exactly the same for you -
Lanasaur : hi on January 13ive made another contest you might be more intrested than the universe one
luv lana -
The Wayword Warrior : The Money Gods on January 11HI Tam and Lana!
I’m glad you both grasped that my poem “fluctuated the scale” from local to global observations on the Money-God. I grasped this as adopting different viewpoints and “levels of generalisation” moving from my own momentary experiences up scale, to groups, nations, continents, eco-system, humankind etc. I liked that I jumped between these levels in the poem.
You both made very astute comments on my rhythm. Lana observed that my style was conversational and tammy said:
“But I do think that your rhythm is pretty inconsistent and your rhyme seems kind of forced in my opinion, well, perhaps not forced, but more, erm, poor in places”..
Yes Tammy that’s spot on! My rhyming has been “poor” because I had not yet grasped the importance of “metre” in maintaining the rhythm. Last night I was repeating lyrics to myself in my head and this appeared all of a sudden to be very obvious. If you Wilki Poetry you can read some very useful information about this! And yes again Tammy, the pattern of the rhyme scheme is something I need to develop an understanding of too! I hope my next poems will mirror these insights I feel I have made since! Tam I changed that one line as you suggested, yeah it flows better. I was thinking that I bet that weird language you guys used to speak to each other in is making it easier for you guys to recognise flow because of the attention to the vowel sounds, wot dya think?
Thank you both ever so kindly for your comments they were very helpful and enjoyable to reads.
Xx Love U gals xX
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Lanasaur : heyaaa xxxxxx on January 10anyway u might want 2 enter my contest its about the extrodinary universe of questions
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Lanasaur : elo elo on January 10im making this contest cos i got nearly enough points ndthe winneer is gonna get 400 the silver 100 and the bronze 50 and 2 honours and u can compete with nima cos he might go for it:xxxxxxxxxxxxluvlanaxxxxxxxxxp.s i will tell u wot it is bout later
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Lanasaur : tam on January 8i made a different poem for the money god
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Rhythm Child on December 25, 2008cheers for the comment
glad ya liked it
take care tam
merry christmas xxx -
Rhythm Child on December 17, 2008sorri babe its so hard 4 me to get on the internet
tlk soon
take care -
Lisabiza : hey on November 5, 2008hey thank you for the welcoming
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Time Of Your Life on November 4, 2008Welcome!!
Where abouts in Great Britain u from??
Em xxx
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poetrandy : Welcome to AP! on November 3, 2008You are so welcome to this brotherhood (sisterhood?) of poets! I hope you enjoy your time with us, gather many friends and learn more about writing poetry! Write, write, write!
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bigperm : hi on November 3, 2008thanks for the kind words on my write. I will try and comment on some of yours as well. I'm not a greeter, but if you need anything just message
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Climax on November 3, 2008Welcome dear.
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AloneForever- on November 2, 2008WELCOME TO AP
Message me anytime you want -
Sundrys.Body.x3 on November 2, 2008welcome to AP
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