Rainy• Show poetry

I am bipolar, which is expressed though my poems.  Poetry is my life.  My personal favorite poems are indicted with a (*). I have many obsessions including, my boyfriend, poetry, and suicide.  Not in that particular order.  It changes with my moods.  My interst change from time to time, but always are suicide and love obsession.  I write to express all of the deep and intense feelings I have.  I consider a sucessful poem one that completly and honestly shows my emotions, and each factor of it at the time.  I am extremely negative, and strange, and not a very pleasent person.  I want attention, good mostly, but I will also accept the bad in it's place.  I'm also not much fun to be around, unless I'm hypo, and most people don't like me when they get to know a bit about me.  I'm just as critical on my self as others, even more so with myself.  I strive for perfection in my writing, and hate failure.  I am an agnostic-atheist, which means I know that the 'defined' God's are immpossible and don't exist, and that the Christian God, the bible, and the concept of hell is completely absurd. I leave the orgin of life as the unknown presently. I tend to be envious of people that have something greater than I, or are better at something.  I am slightly bitter, because of the life I have been handed and continue to pick up.  'Nothings going to change my world'.  If I were to describe my entire self in one statement it would be; I am selfish, pessimistic, sullen, bitter, self-doubting, and nearly hopeless.  My other interest are debating about religion, astronomy, philoshpy, mental disorders, microbiology, and the internet.    

Music Interest:  Bjork, Fiona Apple, Tori Amos, Sarah Brightman, The old Mariah Carey, Poe, Radiohead, Massive Attack, Hooverphonic, The Cranberries.

Favorite Books:  Prozac Nation, Nights, Atheism, Poetry books.




Bjork

Immature

How could I be so immature,
To think that he could replace,
The missing elements in me,
How extremely lazy of me!


Fiona Apple

To Your Love

Here's another speech you wish I'd swallow,
Another cue for you to fold your ears,
Another train of thought to hard to follow,
Chuggimg along to the song that belongs,
To the shifting of the gears.

Please forgive me for my distance,
The pain is evident in my existance,
Please forgive me for my distance,
The shame is manifest in my resistance.

I would of warned you be really what's the point?
Caution could be rarely ever helps,
Don't be down when my demeaninor tends to disapoint,
It's hard enough even trying to be civil to myself.

Garbage

Medication

Don't you call me self defensive,
You know it cuts me to the bone.
Some body get me out of here,
I'm tearing at myself,
Nobody gives a damn about me,
Or anybody else,
But still you call me co-dependant,
Somehow you lay the blame on me.
Somehow you lay the blame on me.


Hooverphonic

Out of Tune

Overwhelming they are,
Finding hopes in counting stars,
Merge the bitterness the pain,
Which I'm sure you can explain again.
What's the difference in vein,
Out of tune,
But just not quite the same.


Radiohead

The Pyramid Song

I jumped into the river and what did I see?
Black eyed angels swiming with me.
A moon full of stars and astral cars,
And all the figures I used to see.
All my lovers were there with me,
All my past and futures,
And we all went to heaven in a little row boat.
There was nothing to fear,
Nothing to doubt,
There was nothing to fear,
Nothing to doubt.


Fiona Apple

Sullen Girl

Days like this,
I don't know what to do with myself,
All day and all night.
I wonder the halls along the walls,
And underneath my breath I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight.
And there's too much going on,
But it's calm under the waves,
In the blue of my oblivion.
I used to sail the deep and traquil sea.
But he washed me a shore,
And left an empty shell of me.
Is that why they call me,
The sullen girl?
The sullen girl.





If interested in learning more about me, email me at larathecroft@yahoo.com.