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Polarbear

Hi everybody.I recently started to translate some swedish
poetry that I like to english.If you´re interested in reading
some,then please contact me.I would love to have some feedback on my work.

  • Last seen 10 hours ago. Member since August 14, 2002.
  • I'm a lapisLazuli dream poet for 303 comments.
  • I am a 40 year old guy (USA)
  • When I'm not writing, I'm a working in a bookstore.
  • I have 303 comments, 277 poems

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  • polarbear on April 14, 2004
    Hi Nando.Thanks a lot for caring.I´m very happy you like the poem,and very thankful that you´d take the time to comment
    on it.None of my poems,own or translations,have been checked
    by anyone before submited to my site,and english ain´t my
    first language,so i´m sure there´s a lot of stuff that will
    need some rework.Later on i will have someone look over all of
    them,and then I certainly will have your suggestions in mind.
    Talk to you soon again,I´m at work and got to stop.
    Thanks a lot again for taking the time,
    Yours Polarbear.
  • Nando Tater on April 5, 2004
    PB, I just dug up you poem "the last leaf" - it's still as wonderful as when I first found it almost two years ago. If you don't mind the intrusion, I think it might be improved yet by a bit of editing. The central comparison is of a person's doubt to a leaf, so it seems to me that the later "you" (which appears twice) should be "it" - referring to the doubt that was fettered or would fall, as opposed to the person themself. The opening elipses is great, but should consist of three dots rather than two. Autumn's could use an apostrophe and word change or two might greatly improve the flow - for example:

    ...and if your doubt
    was autumn's last leaf
    then I would approach
    the tree that fettered it
    hard would I embrace
    thick trunk and bark
    and the heavy beats
    of my pounding heart
    would make it fall.

    I think "bark" could also use a modifier such as "rough" or "coarse" to balance with "thick trunk".

    I hope you do not take these suggestions too critically. Were it a lesser poem that I cared not for, I would not have offered them.

    -Nando-

  • on February 12, 2004
    It's so cool that you're translating these poems. They're very beautiful!
  • gecko on April 19, 2003
    thanks mate
    yes it is concidered that prior to 1927 to be publiv domain but I think we should still have the names of the original Authors up

    am trying to get some scandenavian representation in oldpoetry also but not very many translations were done prior to 1927 umfortuneately


    thankyou gor yur response polarbear and it would be much appretiated if you did name the original Authors
    also for your readers sakes

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