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my voice is hoarse
my eyes are drained and raw
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i drove real fast but it was still too slow
i attempted suicide a few months ago
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once...he wrote a poem.
and he called it "Chops,"
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because most people are quiet
and it's quiet most of the time
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i'm broken
twisted up and broken
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when it feels too hot when there's no one to give chase
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i'm sorry.
i'm so fucking sorry.
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waking up in quiet desperation
blessedly next to you
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i'm so overwhelmingly sad nothing is happening like it should
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i'm adjusted and happy
happily getting up every day
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medication completes me
medication keeps me in one piece
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i'm tired
so fucking tired
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brad stopped breathing, and alicia overdosed on her medication two days afterward.
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i'm freefalling through the days
facing upward
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she's just had enough
she doesn't want to see any more
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what a terrifying thing to be to hear myself love and drown in glee
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walking off all the ledges not knowing how far down they go
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if you were strong enough this wouldn't happen
but for now, I just need this
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I'm so tired this is just crazy
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alicia has seen robbers
beating all her friends
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I've been to lots of places
talked to a lot of people
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while we're medicated and half-asleep on the floor
until we figure out what all of this is for
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this parking lot's usually empty
when do you think
they'll tear this place up?
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I'm not sad like I was five minutes ago
because I have options
and it's good to have options
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when katie shot herself, she took everyone else with her
because they were all standing to her left
completely by coincidence
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because we're sleepdrivers
falling asleep at the wheel
swerving off the street
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because I'm faster than you
and you'll get tired
long before I do
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running fast like i'm actually running from something
maybe from all the things i don't want to think about
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it's a nice thought
to believe people we love go to heaven
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