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and i don't know why this all feels so heavy
emotions burden me in heaps like stones rested upon my shoulder
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in the pouring rain we walked as if nothing had happened and inside i felt like none of it even mattered
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i still don't believe that anything in the world could be worth this feeling you know the one i get for no good reason
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i've been hit in the face with the final truths of my torment your face and your voice still distant enough
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I cant help but hate every particle of this All these mild scenes and the filling in betweens my brain
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and it feels like every sentiment is a kick in the face an attack against my weakness
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he convinced me of a lot of things that i came to believe con.
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sedatives can stop the anxiety but my heart can't stop pounding and
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i threw it all away for a chance at supervision a chance to be hidden
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i stabbed straight to the center
to pull out what i need
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[[it hurts less with someone new (but he can be so good to me)
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the last of my meth monologues.
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i am the fucking tool in this but i'm not waiting
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the light thickens the room with the stench of stale air
i lay here gasping, palpitating, vaguely aware
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i'm exploding in self-deceit i vapourize my loathing
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and it breaks through windows and all sorts of glass
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sometimes i am never sure what to believe or in
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and misery builds up inside of me while i choke it down and carry it around
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i've lost some of the greatest and subsided
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my bed was made two days ago and my house is squeaky clean
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are you just a bastardization, a mochary of my meekness an insult to my willpower
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i still feel like you belong to me even though this world is dripping with poison
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i used to kiss that mouth and those arms would hold me, orgasm me
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so Flavia few out to the Philippines today
and we watched her disappear like the rest of us
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and love is dead
or it has died long ago
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my heart's been tied up in a knot lately i can never be sure of where you're going
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i could never expect you to leave her for me and i don't ever think you shall
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have we forgotten how the world looks? the way the clouds take shape and disappear again
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sometimes i am never sure if i can believe you and most times i don't
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sometimes i am never sure if i can believe you and most times i don't
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