Neglected, forsaken bauble of beauty,
Your roots grow in hidden crevices of me
With veins congested by a virulent metal,
Siphoning life from each dry, fragile petal;
The only survivor thriving in this wasteland
Of a fractured heart, crumbling at my hand...
Only an esoteric sense of solidary fortitude
Allows other to partake of your pulchritude
Your healing waters stem from rueful tears,
Glittering diamonds of my woebegone years
When melancholy weeping became my song,
Lullabies of dejection and love gone wrong;
Hope diminished; sorrow's tight grip grew
As joy was obscured and plans went askew
But, one day, you'll again turn toward the sun:
Once again, with happiness you'll become one;
Maybe love will heal abyssal, internal ravines
Where schemas delve into hinterlands unseen...
Else, incessant frays of hopelessness and hate
Will inflict the blows that certainly seal my fate,
Slowly suffocating me inside until the day
Your last petal sheds as you wither away...
What other doom could befall an obsidian rose?
Nascent expiration becomes destiny, I suppose.
Author notes
actually written yesterday (6/1/05).
on the days when pain grows so heavy that it seems to suffocate me, I can't shake of the feeling that each day brings a slow death to some part of my soul.
If you reach this piece via the featured box, please be kind and leave a comment, preferably something worth more than "nice work, keep writing." Keep in mind, while you are commenting, that my style incorporates a large vocabulary, so if you are going to lambaste me for using too many "big words"--spare me. All comments will be returned. Thanks.
Written January 14th, 2005
In a list
- Tears of a Forgotten Child • next in list
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A contest entry
- Words... by Annie12.
385 points, ended June 30, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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EXCELLENTLY magnific...
I send salutations to the Lady Poet keeper of this Castle Poetry, and hereby formally request permission to enter.
An arrow points to a post, where it reads: “NO LIP SERVICE ALLOWED HERE.” That alone — assured me an enriching cultural tour — today.
I was looking for a unique collector’s flower... EUREKA! Here is an "Obsidian Rose"... how privileged I am! — "Obsidian Rose" is a literary jewel; a platinum pendant set with a twenty-four carats alexandrite surrounded with twenty-four flawless brilliant cut diamond gems.
I am grateful to be permitted to tour through the garden of this Castle Poetry, — where I see all nine Muses walking and enjoying its perfumes, — while I have the hummingbirds of my mind fed, and the bees of my soul nourished wiith nectar of its flowers.
I have enjoyed the reading of "Obsidian Rose".
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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This poem is a stunning piece to read. You are a pretty woman.
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This a remarkable poem in my mind, deep, personal and beautiful. Your notes mention 'large vocabulary', 'big words'... true but you've incorporated them in a subtle, easy flowing way which enhances this well written poem.
I enjoyed this very much, and congratulations on the well deserved Gold trophy
Dee
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This was written with such depth and meaning. The feelings were laid boldly on this page. I know this was a difficult task to express them here.
May you find that soul who is full of love, May you be blessed with a spirit that has a heart opened as you are~
Well deserving of the Gold sweetheart!
Much Love & Many Blessings~
~Joy
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Very nice ...
but you might want to fix "solidary" (solitary) and "abyssal" (abyssmal).
Otherwise good job. Congrats on your Gold trophy.
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My, what a rich and remarkable vocabulary! I am amazed at the skill and prestige of this piece; it is written masterfully, to say the least! It flows with absolute harmony. Stunning…The imagery is captivating, quite vivid and nearly tangible in the mind. This poem is undeniably a lovely, dark, intellectual masterpiece that fully thrills, lacerates, compels and shatters the reader’s emotions to the utmost extent, or at least, it did for me.
What a harrowing and most affecting metaphor; dolefully dismal and quite relatable, as well, I fear. The trials of each passing day, the constant drive to achieve and succeed, the responsibilities to nurture the world and douse it with love and delight, and yet its deception, pillage and betrayal still seem to prevail, despite as such. It seems to be the befitting plague of modern day society and its each individual, which is what I seem to grasp from this piece. That last line I found to be the most affecting. It is a most inevitable truth, which, sometimes, is quite difficult to face, I feel. The fact that all physical beauty eventual meets its demise, and there’s no escaping it, I guess. Yet, I feel the beauty of the spirit never dies…A powerfully, yet delicately blunt piece that seems to resound as a whisper as one reads it, and yet, it thunders its compelling message like a bugle at the same time. Masterful and captivating, to say the least. It certainly thrust me into an emotional tempest I wasn’t prepared to brave, but am thrilled to have been able too. I am amazed. I wish I could say more, but I am lacking any sensible words to portray the depth of emotion this piece evoked. Very well done!!!!!!
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Love ya
Oh my dear friend, I do hope that things change for you, your poetry are like slient screams and tears and it saddens me so, though they are so well written and expressed, you have a gift Hun, it is your safe haven from your utter sadness and despair
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Wow,
I as well feel my soul die silently each passing day, and even though I try to shine light upon or within another's soul.. I still some-days feel so hollow. Congrates on the Gold... Such an indepth piece of your poetic heart, and I can appreciate the fact I'm not alone. Though I wish your days to be much brighter, in all ways. Be blessed!
Much love, Timothy
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So often used, and cast away, our love seems forsaken. Not good enough, to keep the most sought after prize know to man. What is it about us that causes people to flee? To leave, without regret or remorse, for the tragedy they leave behind in the wake of our lose. Why are we such gentle souls? Ones that will never know the true sense of being loved, save the pure love from God that is unending. Why must it be so difficult to be loved by another? For some it comes easy, and they take it for granted. Love in my life has been rare. Real, but rare. Is there such a thing as this fantasy love that we poets strive for? Maybe not... but we can hope, can we not?
As always... it is a pleasure to be blessed with your art.
~Pedro~
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You are extremely well versed. Although this poem has alot over vocabulary and emotion pressed into it, it seems to still open with ease. Also the rhyme, which is another thing that could have really made this piece overwhelming, is very tastefully done. Really well done
Love Linz -
Very sensitive use of language you clearly understand and use like a paint brush. And the artwork you but with it too!
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I love the use of the language in such an intelligent way. You always amaze me with your rhymes. Most times, I am halfway into the pem before I relaize you are using that petic device. LOL For me, that means that there is nothing forced (but I wouldn't mind if it were). This is melancholy but very beautiful. I feel this rose is you Raven. Just wanted you to know that even when the petals fade, the essence of your beauty abounds. This wondrous poetry. The presentation is masterful!
Congratulations on winning the silver trophy. I see it as merit-worthy. Hope all is well with you my love!
Always ♥
Renee
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my favorite line was
"Slowly suffocating me inside until the day
Your last petal sheds as you wither away..."
i really enjoyed this poem it has a very old writing feel. i signed up as one of your students! i hope that you will do me the honor of helping me!
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thy words scream within those echoes upon hardened tears mired within that abyss of time never letting go.
may better days find you!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill -
Your truth is your beauty these words speak through. I love this kind of hope, for me it is a fresh air one can only feel, never to always be breathed in...
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You are totally talented! This poem was flawless and so eerily beautiful. I love your mind!
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Like James said before, your language is beyond critique. It took three readings for the nuance to soak in well. Sooo worth it! When the depths call, imagine yer old bud, like this-
Peace, Darlin -
Well, this is interesting to say the least. It reminds me of old literature that I have been reading for British lit.
Some of the ideas seem to need some more work, but over all its pretty good. You have a fantastic vocabulary. It just seems that you could bring that over unto your images?
Also, it might actually help if you were to not use so many big words at once because it chokes what you are saying for the average reader. Mind you, I'm only saying if you are wanting an average reader to enjoy what you are saying... otherwise screw them.
There’s really nothing wrong with it specially because it makes the whole poem flow incredibly, but if you are looking for a broadened amount of people to like your work you’re going to have to give it more substance it doesnt seem to be much of a story line... just a lot of hurt.
I was just re-reading a chapter on sound in one of my poetry books. It mentioned how there was this person who went to Africa, and they would read poetry to natives. Eventually, they started telling the reader to "talk like rain again." Just because they couldn’t understand what she/he was saying it didn’t stop them from enjoying the things what were said. There are just some words that sound magnificent being vocalized - it seems you understand that in a far greater caliber than most. Good stuff.
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"Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome, Obsidian Rose!"
I had to laugh after reading that, but it's a refreshing perspective because I never thought about it as being someone's name. Actually, if I ever get that band together like I've been hoping, Obsidian Rose will be the title of my second album. (The first will be Tap the Vein. I'll tell you why later.) I was trying to think of synonyms for "black", and none of the others (ebony, midnight, onyx, raven, sable, etc.) had the same ring off the tongue. Obsidian Rose, like Tap the Vein and hopefully what will be a future string of albums, has a theme: in this case, deep, dark, personal and melancholy. I am actually also thinking of turning this into a song--since it's only fitting. My mind isn't really working like I want it to right now, but one of these days....
Thanks so much for not letting people bully me about my big words.
Much love, dear one. 
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Obsidian Rose would be the perfect name for a female blues singer. It's just how it rings across the tongue that makes it so capable of being used as someones name.
And think of how it reflects upon the vastly downtrodden emotion of the type of music she would be singing.
"Ladies and Gentleman, let's welcome, Obsidian Rose!!!!". I'm obsessed with that name and the title of this poem. It's just so creative and unique, I actually managed to rant about it for a few moments.
And about your authors comments relating to big words, if anyone has a problem with your word use they're idiots. You're Raven, so you get special rights to use big words often in your work. You have emotions to express and no ones opinion stands in the way of that.
Another fabulous piece, by the wondrous Ms. Aurora.
much love,
James
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'...When melancholy weeping became my song, Lullabies of dejection and love gone wrong; Hope diminished; sorrow's tight grip grew As joy was obscured and plans went askew But, one day, you'll again turn toward the sun...' Here I am, Raven...I thought, if I waited until I had time, I wouldn't get here for forever... This is an exquisite piece, Lady...a penning to easily get lost in...very well executed, with a graceful & masterful use of language & metaphor...smooth flow...very well done, Lady...sighhh...See what ya went & did??? Now I'm gonna have to read ya more often... Ohhh, I wish they'd hurry up with the cloning process so I can send my clone out to work & do errands, whilst I recline here amongst such Beauty & Tenderness... Wanda
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EXCELLANT
THIS BEAUTIFULLY METAPHORICAL AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL WELL WRITTEN RHYMED POEM COMPARES THE POETESS'S DOLOROUS DAILY LIFE'S WOES TO AN OBSIDIAN ROSE'S SIPHONING FRAGILE NATURAL DRY BEAUTY OF THE DESOLATE LAND. THERE ARE DIFFERENT READING LEVELS IN THIS "MASTERPIECE" WHICH GIVE TO THE "HIPOCRITE LECTEUR" DIFFERENT SENSATIONS AND MEANINGS.THE TITLE OF THIS POEM IS VERY IMPORTANT BECAUSE THE BEAUTIFUL SHINING BLACK LAVIC ROCK USED TO SHARPEN MAN'S PRIMITIVE TOOLS BECOMES THE OBJECT OF THE POTESS'S BLACK-LIFE-COMPARISON-CONTEMPLETION WHOSE MOODY THOUGHTS CROSS-QUESTIONS THE PERSONIFIED MINERAL'S ORIGIN-LIFE-DEATH.THE LATINIZED VOCABOLARY IS PERFECTLY JEWELLED WITHIN EACH DIAMOND-VERSIFICATION WHICH GRAB TIGHTLY HER INSTANT-SOUL AND MOVE FROM A SUPERFICIAL STRUCTURED DESOLATE NATURAL MEANING TO A DEEPENED PERSONAL DOLOROUS MELANCHONICAL MEANING OF PAST LIFE. ANGST REIGNS THROUGHOUT THE POEM THOUGH A FAR-DISTANT MELANCHONICAL SUNBEAM SHINES HOPEFULLY WHICH COULD RIVIVE THE POETESS'S LONGED-NEVER-HAPPINESS. ALL THIS WILL HAPPEN IF THE POETESS HAS GOT THE RIGHT-LIFE-STRENGTH OF RESERECTION.YOU WELL KNOW, O ALMIGHTY APHRODITE, THAT THE
ABSIDIAN ROSE'S FATE HAS BEEN ALREADY BOOKED AND SEALED BY NATURE WHILE YOURS IS STILL WAITING TO BE WRITTEN BY YOURSELF. THANKS FOR SHARING. -
So Breathtaking!!!
Another magnificent work of art penned by the maestro. Your verbalism is above reproach and it fills your works with the beauty that they emit. I was in awe as I read this piece. The background you used just brought it out even more. I pray that the pain you feel will not be everlasting and you find the love you so richly deserve. Your words inspire me to keep writing, that I may some day be half as good as you. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
God bless Joyce
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Excellent Poetry
How I enjoy your work, Raven Aurora
I've just read this piece aloud to my parents who are standing near, and they were awed over the usage of your words. Such beauty and heart you reveal in your work! My friend, continue to be inspired by the gift that resides in you
God bless
~xoxo~ -
This is beautiful. It really touched me. Insperation and imagination seem to reign in your writing. Truely. It's nice to read something with feeling in it as well as intelligence.
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Great work! I hope the days that the pain becomes too much for you are few and far between. Once again, ou are such an inspiring writer, and I just wish that I could write with half of the complexity, thought, and emotion that you do. But alas, I am but a dreamer. Great work!!!
~Robert~ -
I choose to believe that, according to this line "But, one day, you'll again turn toward the sun", the obsidian rose will become a sunflower in such an inscrutable manner that you'll be amazed.
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One things clear to me - you are gifted in rhyme.
Forced rhyme at the expense of feeling the poem pisses me off and with exception to 2 lines that was not the case her.
those 2 lines
Only an esoteric sense of solidary fortitude
Allows other to partake of your pulchritude
I suffer from a similar problem on occasions, you like i seem to study the form you're writing of but get drawn in to the big word trap. You are intelligent and need to let the poem work for you and not vice versa. You have so much in here which the reader can admire, change those 2 lines because the attention diverts from the poem in to thinking 'this poets showing off' - I'm a hypocrite for adviseing you as i seldom amend work (its a time thing).
I'm always hard on poems which for 80% are there and there brilliantly.
An accomplishment anyway so well done.
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this was truly sad. I know the feelings expressed in this poem all too well. I did see hope in this too though and I know deep down inside youll find the inner voice getting stronger and more positive, some times it feels good to get angst out, I admire your ability to write so beautifully when feeling so low. wonderful poem.
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This poem possesses such power and emotion. Your words grip and embrace me as I read the poem. I read it a few times and each time I felt something different. You do write with your heart and I could feel it cry with such sorrow and I could feel my heart reaching out as if you hold you close. I do hope tomorrow brings you happiness and your soul does start to soar with the love you deserve. I know you to be such a wonderful person adn such a sweet kindered soul... I count myself very lucky to have you as a friend...
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As usual dear sister, your use of the language is stellar. The poem has melancholy shards of a forlorn soul. But there is hope and for sure a new blossoming on the horizon. The rose begins to wither after its most glorious moment of splendor, but the rose bush unearths its throny bush each spring. This is beautifully sad.
Much Love,
Renee
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This is very good, obsidian is a rock isnt it? I love this, I rather like your large use of vocabulary. It gives me a sad feeling reading this. It is very beautiful, a work of art.
-Maria- -
excellent
Ahhh Pain. Now that is something else isn't it? There is pains of the heart and there is physical pain. They connect in the subconcious and get all mixed up. My pain come on so badly sometimes. I have a damaged hip and knee. If things in my heart are stirred negatively , the pain in the hip and knee are vicious and I can barely walk. On days when my heart sings. Thats a different matter. I feel no pain in my joints.
The power of the mind. Daunting and mysterious.
I like the way you write. You express yourself in a way that holds attention.
"The only survivor thriving in this wasteland
Of a fractured heart, crumbling at my hand..."
excellent
So graphic and realative to both the soul and a flower.
The entire poem was well thought out. Do you actually plan them in advance or do you write off the cuff. As it comes??
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i loved this poem! it is over flowing with adjectives and vocabulary which is wonderful. i love it. so i am definitley not going to bash you for using to many big words. i love that about your writing style. so now after reading this poem i am almost left speechless. i thought it was wonderful! beautiful! great work! and by the way i like your back fround alot too. i thought it went really well with the poem!
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god, this is beautiful... i dont even know what else to say, its fantastic.
p.l.
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Hi, sounds like you have been taking flack by your author notes, love big words makes the grey cells work, the body well lets talk about your poem, this touched me very much as I have a health problem as well, keep fighting the only way we can go on, my doctor looks at me in shock as I work and have heavy days, the mind is a great thing it can over ride a lot of problems even if it can't take them away, all the best my friend a great write, God bless and hugs, Di
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wow that is an amazing poem. you have a special way of keeping the author focused on your poem. i truly loved it. i could not stop reading. great work and keep writing!
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wow! this was an amazingf poem! your title caught my eye so I read it and all i can say after reading this one is that this poem is amazinng! Im glad I read it
Angel
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