Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

No Man's Land

I am torn.
Caught in between two seperate worlds,
Held there by lies and deceit.
One way promises happiness
And the guarantee of pain;
The other promises popularity
And the guarantee of hurting others.
There is a thin line over which I stumble
Swaying ever so slightly
One way
Then the other,
And back again.
I am caught in no man's land
Where it is every man for himself.
I am torn;
I am alone.

Author notes

This is very personal - didn't come out quite as I would have liked, but it'll do. It holds the emotion I was trying to get rid of so it works. Comments are welcome
Written January 13th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • MindOphelia
    May 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm.. Kind of a dark pit and the pendulum image. My eyes stopped at a few lines because of the order you put them in (for example line three.)
    I tend to look at the shape of a poem, and this one is interesting indeed! It has no rhyme scheme I caught, but it does have form.
    Thumbs up!


  • huhwhatokay
    March 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Funny as life is. Is the perfect example of the real world. Almost the Pessimistic's View. Which has always been my view, unfortunately. But I love this. It is like a dialogue from a wise one directly to a young listener. It is so direct and confirmed, it's undeniably true. The power in the words, the scars and the years felt. It's amazing. Thank you for sharing this.

    Treble

  • pozo
    January 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Deep write which I liked a lot, sometimes decisions like that one can be hard. Great write, I loved the imagery and description here. Keep writing because this was great
    All the best,
    Pozo

  • scoobygirl7799
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome!!! I really like it, short and to the point...and i understand what you are saying too. Really good!


  • IronIcecream
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's true that power corrupts but only you can change that and be the exception to the rule, besides poets are always nonconformists; that’s the only rule you have to follow. Great skill in the way you use your words and how you concentrate your emotions inside a relatively small poem.


  • TangerinePuddle
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    great write, what is the choice you are trying to make....happiness almost always brings, at one point or another, pain.....

  • Malzy
    January 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey there sweetie
    I was surprised yesterday when I saw that you had a new poem up. But once again, youve managed to blow me away. Usually your poems are a bit longer but youve managed to install just as much feeling into this shorter one as youve been able to in the longer ones. (Wow that was a mouthful). Lifes hard and youre poem describes the hardship that so many people experience YET havent been able to express. Youve done an amazing job once again.

    Malzy


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    January 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well, you've done it again. You've gotten your soul out there on the paper for all to see. It's amazing the number of decisions that we have to make where we think we're alone. And yet, new as the ground looks, others have been there before and, at the fork in the road, each path is well-worn. But, I think you're very wise for your age and will just naturally chose the right path.

    Good job on the write - very perceptive as expected. Paul
    Edited on Jan 14, 11:15 because 'wish I could spell'.


  • iamfromabove
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That was really soul searching. I have only been stuck in the middles a few times without knowing where to go. Luckily I tend to steer towards the side of happiness I like to believe I am strong enough to deal with the pain
    Mia


  • piglet tree
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    the emotion you wanted to get rid of ... that's called catharsis ... it helps for a while with bad feelings but doesn't keep them from recurring ... since life hurts anyway, what's the point of hurting others AND being in pain? makes no sense to me ... and no fun straddling the fence


  • crystalshiva
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    that was really touching, i know the feeling. wanting to be the better person but also to get what you want. its really hard, soetimes doing the right thing forces us to give up what we want the most. i ended up giving up my best friend, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life.
    Vicky^_^

1 - 11 of 11