Thou hidest now thine eyes from loving gaze,
And stay thy words which once carressed my ear.
Thy loving touch that set my heart ablaze
Is now withheld, and yet I persevere.
Should I not seek to fill that won'drous place
Within thine heart where lovers come to dwell?
And if, perchance, I find a soft embrace,
Would then this simple act my fears dispel?
Alas, I dream, for this is not to be,
No soft embrace, no place within thine heart.
Rejected there, in stark disgrace I flee
As you, in tears, now watch as I depart.
This cursed life that teaches us too late,
Has cast me out and left me to my fate.
Author notes
Experimenting a little with words and thoughts.
Written January 12th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Best of the Best #1:SONNETS by B Chandler.
450 points, ended May 31, 2005, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Aww..this held some sadness but I do like it. You have so much talent, never stop writing. I love your work and I'll always read it.
Nice ending to this one as well.
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Your lines....Alas, I dream for this is not to be, No soft embrace, No place within thine heart.... are very sad. Thank you for writing this. I enjoyed it very much.
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vwet good and good luck
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Very well written, that's all I have to say. It was a very nice pleasure to read
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I don't find anything to nitpick on in this one, my friend. It is written in a soft and gentle tone, the iambic pentameter is impeccably well done, it has a strong volta, as expected and the penultimate couplet summates with grace and resolve.
Sonnet extrordinaire from where this reader sits and I applaude your effort. Glad I made it here to read this one.
Kind regards,
Del -
I'm not a fan of rhyming poetry (or biblical speech for that matter), but I did enjoy this. Mostly because of the understated message...or, perhaps, the lack of vitriolics that is sometimes associated with this type of language.
It's a well constructed, well-thought out poem. A very worthwhile read. -
WOW!!!
that was really really beautful poem that really went deep if you know what i me
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Wow Dad!! that is truly amazing. You've written so many poems and still manage to come up with more and more remarkable work. How do you not run out of things to write about? Keep it up forever and ever. Love you lots,
Sara -
Hey You -
Yet another sonnet.. they seem to be your specialty although everything I've read of yours has been well written. Hopefully I'll get the chance to write one sometime, it'd be a fun challenge. Anyway I'm off to volleyball, great work yet again.
Becca -
You call it an experiment I call it Beautiful. Your sonnets are so wonderful, I am still having such a hard time learning this style, but you make it look so simple
Great write
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wonderful write Paul...i would say your experiment was a success ..God Bless
tyler -
Your experiment was definitely worth it for those of us who read (or should I say devour) your work. Wonderful sonnet. Hugs, Patricia
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How nice to see a sonnet written still
It's a good sonnet. I know they're not easy. But the meter is off in a few places.
"For should [shouldst is only used with "thou"] I not seek to fill the place." Maybe rearrange the words thus:
"For should I seek not to refill the place."
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