Mother, what have you done to me?
You’ve opened up a can
Of rhyming words and phrases.
It’s getting out of hand.
I have to keep a pencil
Right by me all the time,
To write things as they come to me,
Right when they come to mind.
It’s with me in the morning.
All day I have to fight.
I’m even rhyming in my dreams
While I’m asleep at night.
I’m talking to my children
In rhyme like Dr. Seuss.
It’s getting old, they tell me.
I try, but what’s the use?
They’re begging me to quit it-
Just talk to them for real.
I tell them that I’m sorry
And I know how they feel.
Oh Mother, what have you done to me?
Rhymes circle all around.
These riddles swirl inside my head,
Some stupid, some profound.
If I could just control them,
I’d have a better day.
I just can’t keep them in their place.
They’re getting in the way.
My psychiatrist says, “Don’t worry.
Relax and let it go.
The rhyming will not hurt you,
So let the feelings flow.”
But I’m not sure he understands
What trouble this can cause.
I am so frustrated.
I need a mental pause.
My friends have all stopped calling.
My dog has run away.
So how can he just tell me
That things will be O.K.?
I can’t order a burger
And then ask for French fries.
Because before I know it,
My mouth says “Super Size."
This costs me extra money.
My clothes are now too small.
It’s all so overwhelming.
It makes me want to bawl.
This rhyming will not pay my bills,
Nor buy me any food.
And lately, when I talk to folks,
They seem to think I’m rude.
So make it stop, I tell you!
It should not go this far.
I’m rhyming as I’m driving
In traffic in the car.
Lights: Red and Blue. “Out of the car!”
The officer just said.
“If you don’t watch where you are going,
Somebody will be dead.”
"But officer, I mean no harm.
I think I’m going to cry.
I just can’t stop this rhyming,
No matter how I try."
“So you’re that rhyming weirdo.
Now put that notebook down.
If you write any words ‘bout me
I’m taking you to town!”
So, here I sit in handcuffs.
I’m on my way to jail.
Mother, you know it’s all your fault.
Could you help me out with bail?
You shared my poem with others.
I really liked their praise.
But now I’m like a junkie.
I’ve been craving it for days.
I’ve started in a program.
To admit is number one.
By writing all this down,
At least the first step’s done.
So all you people out there,
Please watch what you E-mail.
There’s always consequences-
From obesity to jail.
Author notes
I know "Prose and Cons" does not fit the criteria for length in this contest but it does fit the subject of "poetic justice." I hope it gives you a little laugh.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poets With Less Than 20 Trophys- Funny Poems by Mercury Rising.
700 points, ended May 1, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
-
A very clever and funny poem that was very well written and was a pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this excellent piece of folly.
-
-
Thank you so much for the trophy. This poem has never won anything and I like it. Now that it's won something, I'm satisfied.
Thanks again.
qt
-
-
Excellent -- Outstanding
I was the 3rd person to comment on this poem 3 years ago, so I am again. I still love this poem, and I do not think it is too long at all. Every verse is a delight!
-
Cute
very cute, in fact, but that's not much help if you're not dropping in to say hello once in a while. Yeah, the holidays will be eating up a lot of time, but hopefully they'll give some back as well!
Missed ya fer ages now!
Jim
-
Revision? No! I loved it just the way it is! This is a great twist on the poet's mind! Definately made me laugh and I can totally relate to the subject of the poem. I often awake in the middle of the night because I just have to put something down on paper! This is great! Thanks for entering!
-
That gave me a quite a chuckle, flowded together so well, nicely written, you portraeyd your ttile so well, nicely done.
-
seems like you added the obessity later
nor could I understand the difficulty
some of the rhyme problems were clever -
uh-huh from another oh-oh
quakietree (not quite enough to become like a tree but by right soil, grounding radius or butressing?),
"Prose and Cons" is not at all unbeliebeable as a liitle bit truly personal with humor to espress it. Because I could replace :
"Oh Mother, what have you done to me?
Rhymes circle all around."
with my dad who gave me the dictionary under respect and it became like drugs as I got spooked by the hook. Which lead to a second medication of timing with lookitup alliteration when manual which I finally loosened but now its just in my mind somewhat simply and liked that turnsy way. Almost by myself, such as :
"They’re begging me to quit it-
Just talk to them for real"
with my husband sometimes making me the canditate for disqualification from society, ha-ha. And he's worried what I'm passing it on to my daughter at moments. So, wrongly encouraged could be felt for understability too.
The reference to the "traffic" has truth too with me, as my guy doesn't think he could send me out with my driver's license which I've never used on my own but got for I.D. I guess like my mom. So, when it expired, we just got the safe card of the fact. Yet, he's hurried his hand in front of me when I was a fellow pedestrian as if to a passenger without a seat belt when I didn't seem in contol more than that with my la-la-la's by the street. And yes, I've heard of hit deaths.
He wonders at my concentration for a job though studies have been sung but maybe that's not use! So,
"This rhyming will not pay my bills,
Nor buy me any food."
is not the merest mirror of this!
Funny, how an author earlier was referenced to with a mindset of "rhyming like" him, so the attainment tune may have changed due to the dichotomy of riches if talking different needs strange characters.
I think the rhyming here is done by someone who knows the ropes per se. It had a fascination off of being forced because you would include the subject for even two stanzas at a time. So, somewhat spread out content at least preserved it from being choppy but some normal speech lol.
I would say this was wisely spotlighted! -
I used to rhyme all the time.
I swear I did, I did!
Until I met this free verse
then, rhyming went and hid.
I met this man who told me
to join this poet's group.
I'm now in recovery.
The rest is chicken soup.
For you I have the answer.
For you are not alone.
I cannot promise a cure.
Nor will the urge be gone.
I'll offer a solution.
You can take it in stride.
There is a program that works;
That is if you abide.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2488337
I love this!
Much Love ♥
Renee
-
funny!
This is my favorite poem of yours. I think it is really funny. I feel sorry for your poor children. My mom used to talk to us in rhyme too- before she went away to that mental hospital. Keep it up with your program- you can recover from rhyme, one poem at a time. -
LOL!very funny and cute
good luck in the contest
~Jolene
-
SUPERB
I was enthralled from beginning to end. This was excellent. I laughed-out-loud when I got to the verse about fries.
a great idea, well executed and well sustained. Keep up the good work.
Jim -
I loved the rhyming in this. But too much rhyming can get out of hand, as you described in the poem
The flow was amazing and didn't really break stride or anything. I've blamed many things on my mother, but never rhyming too much! -Humorliciousness baaby
-
Wow! What a nice thing to say! I am so happy that you enjoy this poem. I still like it myself. I have to be careful not to let the poetic thoughts take over. Unfortunatly, to do good poetry, you have to let it take over. Life is just too hectic to give in often. Sure, send it to your friend. As long as I know what it is used for, that's fine. Again, thank you for your comment, applause and interest.
-
I just came back here again because I think that this is the most amazing poem that I have EVER read. Right up to the title this pc has such originality and so amazingly clever... It is so so true - I think you could get away with syndicating it or promoting it again...In fact, I am going to bookmark this and email it to a DJ friend of mine in Tucson if that's ok with you
-
this is awesome! i love the work here. thank you and i hope you win!
-
oooh..This happens to me all the time. My friends sometimes look at me in a strange way
Sometimes I enjoy it...sometimes not. But this is a gift and we have to use it!
-
Totally totally totally cooooool!!!!
I can kcompletely relate to this too.
I ESPECIALLY loved the title!!
I'm so glad that I read this!! -
this cracked me up...i'm a junkie too....what ever can i write...or even say to you... just that I enjoeyed it..liked it quite a bit....please just keep on writing.... please don't ever quit...shzoosy
-
Well Done
Bwa ha ha ha! it is so nice to see humour in poetry that isn't force or completely slapstick! I've been reading some humour contests and was ready to cry. But this is absolutely fab! I'm thrilled, delighted, enthralled, excited by your wonderful play with obsessive rhyming and verse.
-
great
it was really thought porvoking in certain verse i liek how you kept it ryhming through somethign this long, its hard to stay on topic sometimes...neway very goo i liked it a lot -
This costs me extra money.
My clothes are now too small.
It’s all so overwhelming.
It makes me want to bawl.
Great lines with a deep philosophy of the life..A thought provoking and very interesting read as well..
-
24KT Poem
Extremely well done, and funny as all get out It is longish, but it held my attention all the way through, and I can't think of a single stanza that is superfluous
All I need to know now, is where do you hold your Rhymers Anonymous meetings? Since I've gotten on this site, I've lost all control Thanks for starting off my day on a positive note Best wishes for the contest, you've certainly got my vote!!!
-
Very cute, great rhyming and rhythm throught this long poem - seems so easy the way you have put it all together - think you will get a ticket for rhyming too well!
-
I started my own chapter of Rhymers Annonymous- I don't promote complete abstanance- just careful control. :-)
-
Thanks for reading and commenting.
-
yes- at the time, it wouldn't stop. I try to be pretty careful these days not to slip into uncontrollable rhyme. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
-
Thanks for taking the time to read it. The length couldn't be helped- it was an obsessed rambling.
-
LOL!!!... long but... Hilarious... Nice rhyming skillz... become a rapper, where it's okay to rhyme! lol
-
Oh, wow. This was really good. And I especially liked the title, most creative. This had excellent flow and rhythm, and was very interesting. Cheers
-
nice poem. it all seemed to flow very well. i caught some things that i think are mis-spelled words. something you can edit. the length wasn't a problem for me because it all flowed well and it wasn't draggy. so good job on that part.
Them seem to think I’m rude.
in this line i think you wanted to say "they" seem to think i'm rude.
Mother, you know it’s all you fault
and in this line i think you wanted to say Mother, you it's all "your" fault. and not you fault.
don't take this to critical. i was just wanting to help.
thanks for the read.
-mike -
Rhyming addiction
Entertaining write, I do not think there is a program yet for you my friend, but why fight it?!
-
I loved it! everyone can relate to this poem at one time or another I feel, kinda odd... but cool with me....a great poem with a message.
-
this was very funny and an enjoyable read
well done.. good job you did here!!
excellent flow and rhyming!! Bravo!!
loved the last stanza:
"So all you people out there,
Please watch what you E-mail.
There’s always consequences-
From obesity to jail."
i had loads of fun reading this and i enjoyed it very much
keep on writing
Nooni -
Very good!
Very well written! Funny, but serious at the same time! You're right: admitting there is a problem is the first step! Anyway, being no mental health professional, all I can say is that this poem is a job well done! -
You have my sympathy...Rhyming is just like drinking...only in moderation, and stupid when too much is imbibed, resulting in dire, often irrevocable consequences.
-
Abundantly Creative
Everyone is stating the length of this poem, but in all honesty, I found it so enjoyable that I was disappointed when it ended. Light hearted and fun to read. Great!! -
Extremely creative.
Well there is a magazine in the prison system here called Pros and Cons and it contains poetry. But this was long but interesting and I could see why it was the length. I think it made the poem. -
There are nights I can't sleep cause I've got words running around in my head, just like you have - liked the way your wrote this, but the length is a bit long...
-
LOL. This is funny, i love it. Great job, bravo!
-
I think this is a HOOT! And also a serious, serious problem. I'm glad you're seeking help but I don't think you will find that help on ALL POETRY!!! LOL! I guess a rhyming mother is better than a mom who has to sing everything in opera. I thought it was a great write. Sometimes poetry gets too bogged down and this was a nice lift.
-
I understand
This is cool as punch
I am hungry now
Super Size me lunch
I'll get by somehow
When I burst my clothes
I'll tie them on with string
We'll just see how it goes
When I'm stopped for speeding
My Mom got me started too
Got me rhyming from the start
Just like your Mom did to you
From rhyme I now can't depart
What are we to do quakietree
It looks like for our whole life
Rhyme's in store for you and me
This is how for us it's going to be
Ellis -
It's longer than what I usually read, but I made it through. The title is so clever. I relate well to all the emotions expressed in this piece- the life of a poet is strange, and regardless of what others think of our obsession, we cannot free ourselves from the addiction to writing... Or, at least, I can't.
-
Well, thanks for commenting. I was wondering how you get comments-poem been here since Jan. I was starting to develope a complex :-) Haven't had much time at site- trying to figure out how to use it. More poems eventually. Again- thanks- and you are right- its too long.
-
This is a little long for me, but it is a good poem just the same. I can't imagine why no one has commented on it before now. It almost never happens that I am the first commenter on any poem. Post more of your work soon, and let me know when you do.
Damon D. Brewer
Adding your comment:
1 - 45 of 45
