your wedding ring
so well it fits
was it custom made
for each damp tear
on my sleeve?
Andrew Hide
11~01~05
Author notes
Written January 11th, 2005
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Excellent write!
Very well-written tanka that conveys the emotion of sadness perfectly. Each line of the tanka puts forth an idea/image and all the lines flow seamlessly into one thought. The pivot line, L3, beautifully blends the upper half{Kaminshu} and the lower half{Shimonoku} of the tanka. Yet again, it also lets the Kaminshu and the Shimonoku stand individually as a separate image on its own. I really liked the lower half of the tanka. Your wedding ring is so large that it can hold each tear that falls from my eye intact and perfectly well...just like a large pearl fits in a custom-made ring. I used the word "large" because I can see many tears fall from the poet's eyes as that is the emotion I felt...a very very heavy sadness and lots of big tears to show it.
Very well written piece that makes the eyes flood.
-Charishma -
gosh Andrew this was almost painful to read.
So much despair in a write like this. it is wonderful as a tanka, a definite twist to the end.
It is interesting because it seems lie the sort of thing one would read from a woman trying to hold on to something that is gone.
Edited on Jan 11, 6:53 p.m. because ''. -
Very good
A unique way to look at all that wedding band means. Unfortunately, the subject of this piece didn't get what he hoped for. Well written -
wow this is sad. a great question though which raises so many others: did this lady have a petite ring finger; are the poets tears so large because of the great sadness he feels. excellent piece
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