Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

My little one

My little one, why are you crying so?

You never say. My poor, little lost soul.

Up against me, buried into my body,

I am the stone your wounds bleed upon.

As each of your tears fall upon my skin,

A little piece of my soul is chipped away.

I wish you would tell me why you cry,

But, in silent suffering, you shake, shudder.

All I know to do is give you my warmth.

Author notes


Written January 9th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 106     1 2  next >  (show all)
  • free at last
    June 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    read this one

    one can feel this poem,not many poems felt and this is one of the best ones i've come across,keep up the good work


  • Artemisa-Curls
    January 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    awesome!

    wow you get an A+ you are really talented!!keep writting!
    you have a gift.you know how to use it.good job!


  • True Love Gal
    January 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I love this one so much. You did a really good job on this one. I can see why you, have so many smiley faces on this. So I am giving you another one, seeing that this piece was written so well. Keep up the good work, and never give up...

  • DaDanoska
    January 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This poem gives me insight into the hearts of others.


  • Am8ur
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful, my eyes welled up a little. thankyou. til


  • space n out
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you wrote this. The words are simple, but yet you rearranged them to have so much meaning. There is so much meaning behind them. In my mind, I see a movie playing of two people. One crying, and the other just holding her in his arms with a sad, but confused look on his face because he doesn't know why she crys. This was great. Keep writing!
    Edited on Jan 17, 6:06 p.m. because ''.


  • Not my own
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Again . . . WOW!! I absolutely LOVE your writing style, and you convey your thoughts very well. Thank you for sharing your work with me!! Good job!!


  • ficklefeather
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    must-read!

    "My little one, why are you crying so?
    You never say. My poor, little lost soul." I love the feeling of helplessness here of one that seems to be the gaurdian of this poor little lost soul.

    "Up against me, buried into my body,
    I am the stone your wounds bleed upon."
    The hint of intimacy here though rather insinuates some sort of twist for me. I don't know, perhaps I really am a sicko. Most may just say that it's sad but this ambiguity is leading me to a land perhaps not so far away for some of us here. I'm not so sure if the mere use of the word "cradle-snatching" is appropriate in any sense - I don't mean to offend anybody. It's just that gcnjsmith's words have brought me quite far off from the essay I was writing awhile ago. A bit of a refresher.
    "As each of your tears fall upon my skin,
    A little piece of my soul is chipped away."
    Then perhaps not but what if this is sort of a rhetoric or one that needs not answer since the one inquiring already know why these tears are falling and could have done something to stop them. Then again, this may be just a level of parental love...
    "I wish you would tell me why you cry,
    But, in silent suffering, you shake, shudder."
    Perhaps the words inside make this poor little soul shake and shudder as the words just bounce inside.
    "All I know to do is give you my warmth." I really must be a sicko. Perhaps the twist is spiralling again and perhaps yet again...

  • SadmanJim
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The form, meter and true emotion behind this poem show real talent. But, i want to expand on what one commentor wrote. I also agree that the analogy/metaphor in lines 4 through 6 is "off" and distracting.
    The narrator first refers to being a stone, then tears chip away at the soul of the narrator. I think perhaps. "a little piece of my soul is washed away" might work better.
    Just a suggestion though, as I'm certainley no poetry expert.
    Good Write!

    Write On!
    jIM


  • mozarts funeral gold member
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    thats a bit sad..don't be sad friend


  • Wolf of Night
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I am not to suree upon this one but alot of people have applauded it!


  • January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Why would you be a stone.... I don't get it. Wouldn't tears wash away and not chip away stone? The analogy is off.


  • NyteRaVen
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice thanks for sharing. Very emotional.


  • Heartfeltwords
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oh how true ..... one does feel like a stone when a loved ones in pain ...and then we feel like we are not even their if you know what i mean great write


  • adios muchachos
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    way cool !!!

    Dear GCNJS,
    This I like. A poem as it ought to be.
    Thanks for putting something so pretty in the features list!
    John-Las Vegas, Nevada

  • besidethebroken
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    moving

    this is truly breathtaking, very heartfelt and sincere, i loved the flow and the subject, both were excellent. its good to know that there are a few people who will be there and be true in anothers time of need, keep providing your warmth, for i gaurentee that is enough. this piece truly touched me and i thank you for sharing this with all of us. your work is admired and respected. -BTB-

  • wbluerose02
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    awesome write

    this is such an emotional write here. I just liked it so much. you really kept my attention all the way to the very end. its a really good poem. thank you so much for sharing this write with my family and I. thanx again so much

  • Berest
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Aww, that's so beautifull, yet very sad.
    I love it.


  • RedRosePast
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    they never say

    How much warmth can stone give? It's sorrowful, very moving, the way it's written adds to the emotion. Good job.

  • ForeverJaded06
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    great

    This is awesome. I love it! Very good write


  • rainmaker18
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    a little vague...
    beautiful words, nice use of rhythm. you're quite talented..
    something just struck me as a little..off? i dont know.
    !


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think I should have read this one... now you have me crying. It's just too sad thinking of someone whose pain is beyond words. Wonderful work. Patti


  • SuicidalDreamer
    January 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I really realy like this. Its a very good write. I love how talk to her. I think this is just beautiful.


  • J Rhys Davies
    January 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes all we can do is be a solid resting place for others in their times of need. It’s good to know I am in good company when it comes to that type of thing. This was a beautiful write my friend.

    ~ John


  • NyteRaVen
    January 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Alot have chosen to take it as a child. I take it as a loved one. A signiffigant other. Its beautiful. I know not wether you ment it to be takin in such a way but thats whats great about some poems they can be looked at from different angles. Ty for sharing.


  • January 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    NICE!


  • Conni
    January 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I have a couple of friends, and I go over to their house, and I have really bad nightmares and I cry a lot, but I never tell them what the nightmares are about, because I don't like to think about it, and they always let me cry, they ask why sometimes, but I don't answer, I wonder if this may be how they feel.. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing it!
    Much Monkey Lovin
    Conni


  • Coyote4Life
    January 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Everyone that has A child knows how that is. I do not have my own but I have many that look up to me young and old. It hurts when you want to help but you do not know how. Sometimes the only way to help is to hold them and confert them. I wish as well as many to find the way to help all. Well writen keep it up.

  • I Lv CS 4evr n Alwz
    January 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That was an absolutly awesome poem... i liked it.. ilike how you put it..nice work
    Keep it up
    Jamie


  • taskmaster
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good

    very good poem well done! it makes me think of a parent who loves their child so much and seeing them hurt wants to help doenst know how...they are just there for their child like every good parent should be..so full of heart, its beautiful


  • Rhynoceros
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    excellent poem, i bet everyone can find a connection to this piece, including myself, which is why i loved it... thanks for the read... brilliant job....


  • Sensual Sapphire
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    All you can do is hold them. No matter the age or size or gender they just need to be held. The feelings and images i get from this are very heartfelt I can tell.


  • Julia Kay Endsley
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh I love this one! I can relate!!! It is hard when your little one cries and can't or won't tell you why!


  • NoUseForAName
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of something I'd write or say to my daughter. This is very touching, and I love the length. So many of us tend to overdo it because we can't help ourselves. The only suggestion I have for revision is with the capitalization of every line. When it's a comma before the next line break, the first word shouldn't be capitalized.


  • acryforhelp
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really great write I loved it! wonderful.short and sweet and has a great meaning behind it.
    <3 Haleigh


  • jonnyfaint
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this was nice, you talking to your sad soul in a completly out of body tone, kinda like a crazy split personality person was kinda odd tho, well i guess i can't relate because i would feel more whole, but anyways it was cute, so yah it also seemed many people liked it, maybe i missed something brb, no still the same, may be its not my cup of tea, anyway i think your should add something that suggests that you feel more for your soul or try an help in more, but im not sure, anyway good write


  • DeceitfulBeauty
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    5 Stars * * * * *

    I find this poem extremely sweet and caring, It shows and expresses your love. Great write..


  • iamfromabove
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oops sorry Ive already read this
    Cheers

  • Miss-Britt
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was amazing. i loved all the emotions in this, and it brought me into feeling how i feel many times, both as the sad child and the receiver. i know that most times i wish someone would just hold me. and many times that is all the remedy you need, just a little compassion. keep holding your child. this was absolutely beautiful.


  • intimah-01
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You just brought me into the feeling of concern!! Like your poem.... Keep the good write.......


  • January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is so sweet I loved this... you did an amazing job! And this can be taken from so many different perspectives... again you did an amazing job!
    *enchantedtears*


  • Touchof1der silver member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I was torn between smiling at the tenderness and crying at the thought of a small child, laying somewhere, crying out in despair and the frustration one feels over not knowing why or for sure how to address it. Great job!
    ♥ Kimberly


  • January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    wowee

    that was amazing.it kinda explained exactly how i feel and what no one understands.you just put it into the words i could never say....

  • reejim
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write here.Sometimes when my babies would cry like that after eliminating food, stomach ache and such and if all else fails you would find me sometimes at 3am driving them around in my car. It usually would work.Good luck and write on.Jim


  • soulreaver666bb
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    really liked it you should definitely keep writing


  • Kelly Lynn
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    very nice piece. Sometimes warmth is all one needs to get through the cold in life! Great job!


  • Just A Goddess
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful!
    very touching...
    heartfelt emotions that come alive in your words..this is awesome~jag~


  • HeavenSnt268
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    I really like this, it's just...awesome! Keep up the good work, and I'll continue to check in!


  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It seems as if what you are doing is exactly what is needed...sometimes the being held close , feeling the warmth and the caring , is all that another one needs ....from humans to animals
    Reenie

  • QueenGuinevere
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of...well me. And I really enjoyed it. Very catchy and very sad. But I love meloncoly poems like this one.Nice job!


  • lindadoster
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Being a grandmother you have wrote what I feel when I hold my g-sons and there sick. I would take there pain if I could.Not knowing what they are crying for is a very helpless feeling.Grandparents are the Rock of the family,and I like that line the best.

  • meryt
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That was so sweet! Very truthful and personal emotionally...

  • RunningPickle
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    What a touching write. This was truly amazing, really.. I love the first lines. You did a great job portraying the feeling of a parent's comfort. Wonderful word usage and flow. Nothing more left to say except you did an excellent job! Keep up the great work!


  • PurpleSky
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very sad and touching write, the image and emotion you gave with your words was well done! thank you for sharing this.


  • IAmScoot
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow, very good. i liked it! short, but not too short.

  • Lord Gegishov
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Moving!

    I have no words. If only everyone, especially in adolescence, had that single piece of goodness and support, how much happier so many would be. In "Gooseberries," Ivan Ivanych syas that the only reason the happy are happy is becuase the sad suffer in silence." I think there is truth in that; I also think that even the happy suffer to a certain degree. Your wall is all that is required for comfort. Goodday, dear Writer.


  • Luciferschild
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I sometimes feel like this but then i remember that im there to comfort the person and i am doing something good

  • rightwaytohurt
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. It's sooo true. I tell my parents nothing! I just go to my friends. It's really weird, because that's how it is with a lot of people. They'll tell someone that they probably won't even know in ten years some of their most personal information. But they won't tell their own parents, whom they'll always know. I really really liked this certain part:

    I am the stone your wounds bleed upon.
    As each of your tears fall upon my skin,
    A little piece of my soul is chipped away.

    That is sooo good. I really loved this poem. EXCELLENT job! If you keep writing, I'll keep reading!

    --Right Way To Hurt


  • JCLgurl
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    tugs at the heart strings. you have a wonderful way with words. keep up the writing and stranght. a parents work is never done

  • RockStarAngel7
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Your warmth at times, is all they will need. Someone to listen to them and hold them. Good write. It was short and to the point. Good job!


  • Sirrhin
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh man. THat is sad...But I do like this one. Is this based on a real ocurrance? I mean, I know you're not a rock, but really? If it is, good for you!


  • Vickie J
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    A very tender and endearing write. I think sometimes it's just important to that wounded one that they know they can find comfort in your arms. Unconditional love. I liked how you compared yourself as the stone and her as the one that bleeds. You are the solid, unchangeable, dependable one who is available to one with a broken heart. Nicely done.


  • toriko
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oh my GOD. this is so incredibly awesome! I love it so much!! *prints it out* I love the way it's worded and everything...so beautiful! Thank you for writing this!
    ~Love and Lemons


  • WritingWriter
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great piece you descrobe the love a mother or a father has for their children and the pain they fell when they dont know whats wrong and dont know how to fix it i really liked it

  • Christopher
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful poem it speaks from the heart and soul and thats what poetry is all about great write


  • masterblaster gold member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This gave me goose bumps, it is so moving and so much emotion in so few lines, a beautiful read, well done it is enchanting, a lot said in a few words, it has a sad feel and touches deep, it is smooth on the flow, a great piece, keep penning my friend,talent you have

  • rainmaker18
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    short and sweet

  • Eyes like ice
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem, made me think about what I am missing out on with my son. Nice write


  • DearBrownEyes
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    aww thats so sweet, its short but yet it says so much. like they say more is less. it almost made me want to cry. they best writers can make their audience cry and laugh. you did a wonderful job i enjoyed reading it very much!


  • rindomai
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    cant say i ever thought of it that way... what a parent would think to see their child upset... i never tell my parents anything. ever. i dunno... its uncomfortable and im convinced they wont understand. this is beautiful, though... i love the imagery, the analogy... water and stone... tears and pain. its amazing... great job!

  • Mangdaline
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is so beautiful. they you describe the thoughts a mother thinks and feels when her child is crying. But to me this was also a spiritual poem, these are the thoughts I think when I think of angels crying. And the only thing you can do is hold on to yourlife, you loved ones, your world just little bit longer.


  • thricelightning
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "As each of your tears fall upon my skin,

    A little piece of my soul is chipped away.

    I wish you would tell me why you cry,"

    This is such a sweet poem!


  • stainedillusion
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    intense poem! could have bought a tear to my eye, but am in college

  • XxSkittle-SmilesxX
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is really well written...it definatly helps you see things from someone elses perspective. really emotional but kinda intense at the same time. good write...keep it up


  • Tammy Knott Greeters member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I can feel your pain. I know all to well how much pain it causes to have you little one cry and not be able to make it better. This was a very touching poem. Very well written and nice vocabulary. Thanks for sharing

    God Bless
    Tammy

  • christy777
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    very good. i liked it.

  • believer06
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    that was a great write!!!

  • Dr John Celes
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    babies do cry for a umptine lot of reasons and an inexperienced mother can never know why!a good theme that has been converted into an emotional write of a mother's sadness whenever the infant or child crys and she is unable to decipher the problem with ease!the tears of the little one can make the mother's heart to melt!wonderful write

  • MockerOfInsanity
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Too Sweet

    awww! thats how i feel when my baby boy is crying! so sweet!


  • ShaShay
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Man! The mind can go all sorts of places with this. At one point, I was the comforter then suddenly turned into the 'little one'. I guess it is like life; we play different roles at various times. I am amazed at the power of this short work. Please keep pen and ink nearby..who knows when something will hit you like a ton of bricks?
    ~~~POO~~~

  • cryingchinadoll
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow, I was always one of those kids that didn't tell their parents anything, and now I know what it must feel like from the parents point of view.
    it's a darling poem, written with simplicity and is very casual but yet there's something that seems to make it more compelling than your everyday poem.


  • enlightenedatheist
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    comfortingly beatiful

    this is such a wonderful piece. its the perfect thing that a mother would say to a cryng chile. its what every moher thinks when they hold hold they love, their own, and doesn't know what to do. its what ever woman thinks when someone she loves, man or woman, won't respond to her questions in a time of help and confusion. wonderful job. i'm normally not into short poems like this but all your words were usesfll and not nonsens great job!

  • kitty13
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    *tear*

    A very cute and sweet poem. Made me get all teary. *tear* The imagery of the stone is perfect. Keep up the good poems.

  • undergod
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this poem makes me never want a 'little one' of my own. I dont think i could stand the chipping and twisting of my heart and soul


  • Appyangel
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful piece, very soothing and it makes me want to rush home and hug my loved ones. I loved your use of a stone as imagery, and the tears chipping away at it. Great write, I look forward to reading some of your other pieces.
    Edited on Jan 13, 6:56 because ''.

  • Jade Darklinmoon
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    it is so hard to get through to somene when they don't want to talk. I know, my son is like that so I have to take him in a room with me and go person by person ot place by place with him till he opens up. this is a great poem and so well done for , shwing that when you trully care for someone, there is nothing you wont do to help them.

  • StrawberryKiss
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Extremly good

    Love the subject matter you choice to talk about, very touching. It said to me that you can comfort someone who is in pain with out even knowing whats wrong and feel that you have to protect them with your own life. Like i said before very touching


  • Ava Noire silver member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem. I know I have felt like this when my daughter was crying and I never could figure out why - when she was a baby - and she couldn't talk so she let me know her discomfort by crying. You try everything to comfort them and sometimes it doesn't work. The amount of emotion in this piece is intense. Well done for a piece so short.

  • Paige Dalton
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That poem is full of emotion, I loved it and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. Reading it was an amazing experience.


  • Calamity
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Poignant

    Thats so sweet, that your love turns to pain at such a site as this described.
    The way you made it roll of my tongue was great. You have excellent word usage and imagery.

    I hope you can ease the "little one's" pain over time, and perhaps hear the story behind it. Enjoyed this piece a great deal, very moving and passionately written.
    Its been an honor to read such innocent beauty, - Cal

  • Anthos
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    A little jewel of poetry!

    What a jewel! I'm enchanted by this poem, it so sad....yet powerfully awe inspiring beautifull!


  • Xx Alice xX
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    When I was reading this, so many things came to mind. Wasn't sure who the little one was. I like that, it lets the mind take it in so many directions. So are so many silent tears in the world. It is up to us, to feel their tears and try to warm the world with our passion. very nice write.

  • ConkersMinion9
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautfifully written dude, but unlike other people on here, I didnt interpret it about a mother.
    Just got that you love someone so much, that everytime you see her cry, you feel worse about yourself and things like that.
    I thought it o be about you, but I could get this wrong.
    Anyways, this si definately worthy of applause, and I really liked this poem
    Thanks for sharing,
    Your friend,
    Metalconker!!!!!


  • LadyUnique silver member
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i interpreted this poem to be about mother and child.
    unconditional mother's love comes shining through this poem. i think i will sit here and soak it up a moment before moving on

  • Nannar
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Strong & beautiful

    Nice poem on being a mother. Think I'll call my mom when I get up later. Absoultly beautiful.


  • iamfromabove
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That was great I imagined my kids when they were tiny babies to young to tell me what was wrong.Great job

  • SilentGrace
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This really spoke to me. I identified with it and because of that I felt the strength of your words. I like how you have the person be the stone, but then have it feel so strongly for the 'little one'. This really was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I'll be lookign out for more of your writing.

  • gingergreentea
    January 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the feeling I got from this, this helplessness you have when you see someone you love suffering. I can feel the emotions through the words. Lovely write.

    Keep writing

    Kannika


  • Kalima
    January 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    awww, this was such a sad write. and it really touched my heart. Keep pen in hand...I enjoyed it. From SlightlyTwisted

1 - 99 of 106     1 2  next >  (show all)