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Tread Softly

Tread softly on my heart, my Love,
It cannot take much more,
Until it breaks forever, Love,
You're the one that it beats for.

Lay easy in my thoughts, my Love,
For they will haunt me 'til I die,
But my last will be of you, Love,
'Fore in my grave, I lie.

Cut gently through my life, my Love,
Remember, it's been harsh,
And rife with pain and suff'ring, Love,
Tread softly on my heart.

Author notes

Needs work.
Written January 9th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • NickelleteXninja
    May 31, 2007
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    Its adorable, and short... it seems like its missing something though


  • inder silver member
    May 26, 2005
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    enchanting,heart felt and so full to the brim with honest emotion.I wonder in what state of mind was this written!!!

  • X- Kitten -X
    May 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    well you see, i wrote that note to you just before i did a rather bad thing... so now i think it should be him saying tread carefully on his heart!!! sigh i am going to go hang my head in shame... xx


  • DragonessTawnya
    May 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Why couldn't he read it? Show it to him. Although he probably wouldn't understand that your showing it to him was a message to him from you. You could tell him that though. Why not try it?

    ~Tawnya~

  • X- Kitten -X
    May 13, 2005
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    Sigh i wish my boyfriend could read this... lovely piece


  • Whispers79
    April 19, 2005
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    I thought this was an enjoyable read, nice subject matter, it conveys a sweet sort of vulnerability...which is what love is all about, it's hard to let go and trust someone that much, but I think it is the only way..
    Tisha


  • DragonessTawnya
    April 8, 2005
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    Yes, I've been a little busy with college lately. I'll try to get online more often.

    ~Tawnya~

  • Shikai
    April 7, 2005
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    i like it well done and i also like the way you rymed it all well done again
    weeble


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    March 6, 2005
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    I am quite surprised to see that you haven't written much of anything lately...you are usually full of ideas. Have you been busy?

    I think this poem holds a very poignant message--many people in the world have suffered through so much heartache and sorrow already, they are either reluctant or extremely cautious when it comes to giving their heart to someone new. Me personally, I think I would be too afraid to open up to anyone, at this point--especially if he's talking relationships; I'm not sure I am even worthy of love these days. Ah, well...maybe one day I'll assert myself, but until then...

    Come online more often!

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora


  • Jillosophy
    January 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Maybe just a little tweaking. This is very sweet and soft. The sparsity of this write just brings home the message that much clearer. Good to see something new from you. Not surprised that it was so good.
    jill


  • queenie
    January 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    not much.it has a wonderful flow and it's sweetly succint.the second stanza may need a little work but this great.i thought it was of a traditional form.you are as usual,a great writer.

1 - 11 of 11