4 Brown Eggs From The Holy Land
A teaspoon of sugar, then one of sand
A half a cup of yak milk from Japan
You're on your way to heaven (havin')
a christ omelette
Golden brown
Delivered by your own hands
Not some religious clown
a christ omelette
An omelette fix
But from the heartland
Not crucifix
a christ omelette
Beat your eggs bloody
add plenty of pepper
Then add the nose
Of a nosey leper
Shout "fucking pariah"
out loud three times
then fetch you some
lime, from 'twixt
Spanish thighs
Inquisition!
Inquisition!
Inquisition!
I'm wishing me a frying pan
I'm in with the holy ghost
Don't need no jam
Don't need no toast
Diced up an onion
shredded me some cheddar
Don't need no ham
Pigs are too clever
For my Christ omelette
My spatula's poised
(Lincoln loved boys)
In my robe, corduroy
I flip the omelette
Think digestion
but please still question
lack of silver-ware
The Christ omelette
Heals
the Christ omelette
Stays fresh
The Christ omelette's
forever
Like mom's tattoo
On my chest
I will not splat the ketchup
i will not splosh the salsa
Yeah, his cross was heavy
But my omelette is wholesome
Jesus Christ lives!
In the minds of baby chickens
Just waiting to omelette
Again, and again, and again
For your sins, amen.
Author notes
Written January 5th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- COME ON,COME ON,you know you want the eggs. by MagicaI.
300 points, ended August 3, 2006, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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Unbelievevable,this was so brilliant.I loved it so much. Good luck.
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I practically orgasmed melted cheese all over my damn monitor
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You say tomatoe[inqisition], I say tomatoe [crusades].
This is rich! The only place I had the balls to use humor was in the title. To combine a powerful and irreverent message with this sing-song beat and humor was a masterstroke,BRAVO!
Peace, Rob -
Very intelligent, an almost alchemical recipe to dispell BS and nurture critical thinking at the same time. Fantastic.
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Christ omelette. Jesus... where do you come up with this stuff? lol. Now this should definitely be performed. You wouldn't happen to have a sound file for it would you, as I know you have files of several of your pieces
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Seems as though the title sums it up. I can see why the contest was won by this one. A bit of Bible with a side of Inquisition - interesting.
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Oh, this is wonderful! I'm always up for a little blasphemy.
The line "Lincoln loved boys" really made me snicker. You seem to have some suggestion going there- the poem made me a little hungry for an omlette, too.
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This doesn't seem blasphemy. It just seems delicious. Suddenly, I have a hankering for bacon and eggs. Whoops, I just realized that pork isn't in the Bible's good books.
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Interesting take on religion. My take is that like an omelette, religion can be made up of anything man likes and nothing of what man doesn't like! I enjoyed the read. Good job, and congratulations on the win!
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This is a great poem on the topic. I'm not sure I understood all of it,I agree to the ideas I got. Anyway you did a good job with it, I love the way you didn't make it obvious.
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They fell out of my pocket and landed in one of my footprints in the sand, and vualla... the seagull shuffle.
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I'm fucking starving for Christ, but where are the tortillas?
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Now just think how even more valid they would be if you knew how to use an ellipses, and form a complete sentence.
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no need to be mean to me.. my opinions are just as valid as yours.
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Yeah, well next time you're talking to him? Ask him to help you form a complete sentence Chuckles.
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ok... not sure what to think of that... i guess in a way its not really taking the piss too much.. i guess im just so i love with christ! oh well it did make me chuckle. lolly x
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what the f***. but o.k.
That was kinda wierd. and that's somethin' coming from me... -
hahahahahahaahahaha! Amen!
That actually makes me a little hungry. Do you have any emaculately constipated chicken to go with that? -
If you belief this poem has anything to do with an omelette
in general, than yes, you've missed the boat entirely. -
Pointless
I read it. Couldn't tell if it is pro or con, but it is definitely sarcastic. Didn't make me want an omelette, and didn't turn me away from them. Did I miss the point? Andy -
I have NEVER seen a poem quite like yours. Very unique and entertaining. Religion and eggs put together is something you don't see everyday
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Teachers retain the secret capacity to keep learning.
As for the duel, please, I read too much Clive Barker
to duel fair. -
Eh, not really my thing, being a Christian myself, but amusing none the less. And it made me hungry, plus I think my dad's making eggs tonight, funny how the world works sometimes, anyway good job, but next time be a little easier on religion ok?
-Azazel- -
When is the duel between Monsieur le 'Orus and Ze Flying Foreskin who says leetle but 'ides secret weapons of ze Tropes Rhetoriques beneath ze critiques enigmatiques?
How much is a ticket?
(Also, me been teaching things for twelve years, proves nothing 'cept the gullibility of interview panels, methinks.)
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Interesting way to put it you know. *eats yogurt with index finger* you know, this was actually clever, the message was pretty closed up and coated with metaphors BUT christ was sure up in your face the whole time. Wonderful work horus8!
-nicci -
Great username.
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heh heh well that is an interesting poem...nice write. I say the title and thought : "well I just have to click on this one now don't i?" heh heh good job
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Easy, I teach writing.
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I was just sent the link to this poem and found it very funny.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Besides, wise ass,
I merely gave you back the
amount of effort you
gave in, savvy?
Take a long look at your
shit critiques, before
you get bent out of shape
when someone returns the
favor. I mean, ha ha, you act
as if saying "absolute rubbish"
is some kind of critique, then you
get miffed when someone calls you on
it? You're a cad, hate to say, better
straighten up your attitude, you won't
last long beaking around here like that.
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I assure you, I ran no where.
I calmly walked over to your
page, hoping in all earnest to
find out if you had the poetry
To back up your statement,
and guess what? You didn't.
And you don't know the first thing
about poetry anyway, so how can you critique
My work, you can't even write a vilanelle,
a sonnet, or a decent freeverse.
In fact you can't even write.
Your shit sucks, sorry to break it to you.
So if you want to have a duel, step
on up, I'll write you into extinction. -
Which came first, the Horus or the word Glib?
But I will not worm anywhere near your thin shell, except to say that any poem ridiculing orthodox religions and extolling the virtue of omelettes gets my applauses. Get on.
Edited on Jan 05, 2:41 p.m. because ''. -
Why is it rubbish?
Pray tell? -
The least you can do is repent, REPENT!!!
I've seen you late at night with those
milk crates taped to your shoes racing
through the pasture... With that flashlight
strapped onto your helmet. -
This is a very nice peice, made me laugh, a lot. I'm sitting in school and people are staring at me, all because of your poem, so good job.
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lol! that was really catchy... hehe.... I love it, really great job. Where'd you get the idea?
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And remember... never to cast your Christ omelette before clever swine... lest they trample it and make a mess of your kitchen floor. LOL... I think your write is even far more clever than the sheeple are able to grasp.
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I think you are brave for broaching the subject of religion and gourmet cooking in one....both of which I am associated quite readily.....this piece was brilliant, as a write,and alas,I will leave my own 'feelings' out of it-because art is a subject that should never be mingled with emotion...at least when it comes to other's work...pen on......~jag~
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A++ for originality and strange, yet seemingly fascinating imagery.
I'm surprised you don't have your own stalwart band of "SaveThatPoorPoorBoy" Ladies Cotillion and Dance Committee praying for you night and day....
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i love poetry that dances with contempt... and real feelings... horus this is great in every way... and given the band of merry men that he hung out with im fucking positive he had a sense of humour.... so he's probably sippin a bourbon neat and reading your poem
excellent
billy -
Did you hear about the thirteen year old grilled cheese sandwich that has the picture of Jesus on it and hasn't molded? Yeah... I think I need a life too. And where the heck do you come up with this stuff. Genius. Christ omelette. I'm hungry now. Sheesh.
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See! now why isn't this poem in a contest? If I look at the text of the poem, as a whole, just right, I can almost make out a pepper grinder.
Jesus christ lives in the minds of baby chickens. Holy huevos, I wish i had written that -
I think this has to be one of the most creative poems that I have read in awhile. Where do you come up with this shit? Man, you must have one hell of an imagination.
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Well, to each his own. I won't mount a soapbox about this but I will leave a comment since it cost you points. It is the least I can do.
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