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Ho Visto un Uomo ( I Saw a Man)

I saw a man in a dark suit and a bowler’s hat.
He smiled an odd shaped grin.
I shrugged it off and smiled back at him.
He looked like such a sweet old man.

I saw a man in a trench coat that smelt of whiskey.
I hurried past him, on the wrong side of the city,
Not wanting to see the prisoners that it keeps.
My day continued on,
The strangers I saw were gone.
Buried under the paperwork I dread getting lost in.
All of my prior thoughts had been forgotten.

The bells began to toll…it was time to go.
The flickering lights of the subway car kept me awake.
Eager to get home and retire to bed,
Just a few more stops, home was but an instant away.

Trying hard not to slip upon the icy steps,
At last I had arrived, finally reaching my bed.
Set my alarm for five and quickly drifted off.
Nothing could have woken me.
I never heard the closet door creek,
The steps he took as he crept to my bedside,
Unable to move, I saw only one thing.
An odd shaped grin staring down at me,
On his breath the faint scent of whiskey.

   ---Ho visto un uomo---

Author notes

*I read Painful Pleasure.* (relates to the contest)

If anyone would like to know the story behind this or what made me think of it, just let me know and I'll tell ya about it, for now just have fun thinking up your own scenario for what may have happened next
Written January 5th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • masterblaster gold member
    January 7, 2005
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    A very interesting piece,it is unique ,I like the buildup,from mondane to Oh! nice flow, it is a very good piece and I shall be looking out for more of your poems, well done a great read.read it again love it


  • Sensuity
    January 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Entertaining piece.......captivating.


  • SuperNatural
    January 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow! this is really good!
    creepy, but good!


  • Hidded Within
    January 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this was long but not too long very good. and from what i can see you followed all the rules, nicely done and thank you for you kind words on my poem, and thanks for entering my contest, best of luck

  • Nicole Hanna
    January 5, 2005
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    This is disturbing. Seriously... disturbing. It has a very Poe feel to it for some reason. Don't ask why, I'm no authority on poetry, lol. But, I enjoyed it for what it was or what I perceived it to be... a story to entertain. I wont try to read any more into than that, although (and here i go reading more into it, lol), there does seem to be a psychological level here that I can't help appreciating.


  • Roxy02
    January 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    loved it

    i really liked this and the men seemed to be phantoms within your life that you couldnt escape. quite a chilling end well done!


  • Alahmorah
    January 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem!! Now I have the image of that man in my head! Good luck in the contest! Love and Blessings, Ashlee aka Alahmorah

1 - 7 of 7