~~ Ivy ~~
Shards, fractions
Of childhood warmth,
Now shrink like tides
Down the ancient wall,
Leaving trinkles of scarlet youth,
Superficial,
Empty,
Alone.
Still the ivy clung stubbornly,
As the years peeled off its home.
A touch, a whisper,
I close my eyes,
will the memories to drift
as threads of my tenuous lies
I weaved upon the ivy crawling up the wall,
Tenacious
but
Breaking
Inside.
Still I clung stubbornly,
Burying the truth with fantasized lies.
Flashes, glimpse
of that faded euphoria,
within circles and curves
and circles of ivy orbs,
days and nights I stared
into their reflective depths,
and wonder
if my name is part
of your final words.
The tears suddenly broke the dam
of carefully constructed smile,
The trails of wetness
clung to my face,
Like truth,
Like ivy,
Like life.
Your voice still echoed like long ago
among the lush green ivy,
but…
my silent years of waiting
you will never ever hear.
Author notes
the picture is drawn by me
you can visit my art site at strawberrypockey.deviantart.com
Written January 4th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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"The tears suddenly broke the dam
of my carefully constructed smile,"
I really loved this line.. it totally solidified the entire poem for me. Now for things to be edited..
glimpses - think you mean glimpses, 22nd line
trinkles - no such word, 5th line
I really liked this poem, could use an edit to make it all that it could be, but it is good this way as well.
~RoberT
If you have some free time check out this new group. The purpose of this group is to help each other grow as writers, and so far it is going very well.
allpoetry.com/Application/1188220
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Edited on May 02, 1:42 p.m. because ''. -
This seems to mirror me a lot--ivy represents a color (green, apparently) of the eyes of your lover, so brilliant and luscious and yet so deceiving as they hide a great deal of lies and anguish. This is one of those poems that is not easily forgotten--I like how you penned your thoughts out with rich imagery and overflowing emotions. These are the kinds of poems I wholly relate to--as you see, this time of year is not very easy for me to deal with. I manage somehow.
Very nice! Take care, and thanks for entering the contest.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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0_o?! YOU CHANGED UR USER NAME!!!!? wow it sounds good though, reminds me of some japanese sakura image....don't know why, but thanx for the comment a lotz *hughug*
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Shivers...many shivers. This was awesome...and I don't know why, but I felt that if you were to read this outloud to me, it would be read in a whisper and that gives me even more shivers. Great job! I love how you portrayed yourself as ivy clinging to the wall...like you were clinging to that love you lost, but doesn't feel he's lost you. Great job, again!
Jess -
Good
It was hard to read,you need to change the color on it so people can read it better.
What I read of it... It was nice,keep writing.
Thank you for sharing this with us. -
I liked how you related your life to the ivy plant. It's so tenacious and enduring, just like you expressed about the life you tried to pretend was real. You can only keep a facade up for so long and it's just a relief to let it go and be who you really are. Terrific write!
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wow you poem is heartbreaking. "Still the ivy clung stubbornly, / As the years peeled off its home," are my favorite lines from your poem.
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Beautiful sad write .Glad you have moved on I have a poem about Ivy too.And a few on waiting for love that would never be returned .Good stuff
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A work in progress
Overall lovely poem. I loved the fact that you carried the word 'ivy' throughout the piece with either description surrounding the word or the actual word itself. I think you can tighten up your lines a bit though. For example you can omit: 'will the memories to drift'. I already get that sense from the rest of the poem. If you worked on removing the lines that are just frills, I think you may have a more cohesive piece for each reader to enjoy.
Thanks for sharing
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Good imagery, I enjoyed this piece.....Keep up the good work!!! Love and Blessings, Ashlee aka Alahmorah
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In the first stanza it would be "shrinks" instead of "shrank" and "cling" instead of "clung"... the verb tense and all that jazz. Also... along those lines... there are the same type of errors in the following lines. So, if you're going to revise, I'd check the tense switches. They don't work, and I don't think it's something you did on purpose.
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I really like this one, i like how the ivy represents your soul, being torn away and such , Magnificent , i really did enoy it!
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Good imagery although it'd help me to read it if this were a darker shade of green. Good write, keep writing because this had wonderful imagery and was very deep.
Thanks for commenting on my poem,
All the best,
Pozo
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I love this piece the fact that you can portray amazing imagery in few worded lines makes me envious. Keep up the good work and please write something with this structure again
thank you for commenting moods as well xx
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The imagery was really outstanding in this poem. The story was one that sucked me in from the very beginning and didn't dare let me go until the end, and even now, I can't still feel it's grip on me. This was compelling and I think you did a wonderful job.
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thank you very much for the comment, your thoughts really went into the depth of this poem.
I meant to review taht the person "I" am waiting for is long dead, did it show by the ending of this poem?
I will try to revise it some time, and try to add another refrain by the end of the poem, if you have any other suggestions I'll appreciate it ^^
hugs
Jen -
You have some amazing imagery throughout this poem. I love, "Still the ivy clung stubbornly,/As the years peeled off its home." It has nice rhythm too! It has a sad irony too that is full of despair, but familiarly true, "Still I clung stubbornly/Burying the truth with fantasized lines." I love how this refrain has evolved, sort of like the lies that we tell ourselves; as we become more complex so do the lives that we tell ourselves. I would like to see this sort of refrain come up again before the ending with another evolving statement. You have the makings of a beautiful piece and with a rewrite or two will definately do this. And one more thing, "my silent years of waiting/you will never ever hear." This a strong finish that tells it like it has to be. Nice job!
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