Alice looked him in the eye,
With trembling lip about to cry.
"You know you really are a burk
In this gear I have to work,
This leather gear cost me a bomb
I'll wear it to the next school prom."
A sleepy voice then from teapot
"said, cor! I told you she'd got a lot"
Alice turned again to the knave of hearts
"What! do you think, that I'm a tart?"
Dormouse rubbed his little hands in glee
"I'd eat you up if I were he"
Then Cheshire cat grinned ear to ear,
"If she can't run fast, he will I fear.
Alice grabbed her whip and fled
That's when she woke again in bed.
Her pale blue dress hung upon the door,
But a kinky whip lay on the floor.
Author notes
Written January 3rd, 2005
A contest entry
- Fairy Tales - Retell or Remake them! PREWRITES OK more points as we go! by Melissa Burns.
425 points, ended May 6, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alice in Scaryland by Ari in Wonderland.
433 points, ended August 13, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark & Twisted Fairy-Tales by Rinoasis.
600 points, ended October 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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This is a funny poem! If I understood it correctly then Alice had a dream and woke up? Yet then she realised it wasn't actually a dream! Nice twist! Usually, Alice is known to be quite brave and curious but here she's the opposite which makes it interesting!
Thanks for entering this piece!
Blessings,
~Moonchild -
^-^ this is stupendous write, the rhyme was well played and like Melissa Burns said "..it is for certain a retelling.." Kudos in the contest.
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lol well that was certainly something. The ryhme it's self was well done, and it is for certain a retelling
Anyways thank you for your entry into my humble little contest ~ best of luck
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Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
Di, Hello back at you my dear sweet friend. A fantastic entry you have for this dark side of wonderland. I expected nothing less of course. There is some tough competition in this event and it should be a blast.
Your rhythm and rhyme are superb as your work always is and it flowed freely throughout. Thank you for sharing and you get a standing ovation to go along with my applause. Best wishes for you in the contest. It sounds golden and your picture is great. Love and blessings for you, today and always. 
Joyce
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another great poem, I really like your imagery and the pictures you chose for them compliment your work...The rhymes are great as is the flow...Thank you for entering and good luck!
~Madd~ -
Excellent!! Two thumbs up!! Brilliant!!
Awesome, inspiring and wickedly funny!! Brava!! Well done... truly like many of my nightmares... sigh... oh, me!!
Your impeccable works shine as always
Brava!! Two thumbs up!! Wishing you much success in all of your endeavors!! -
Hi Ruby, thanks a million, hugs Di
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This is really cute and funny...not that whips are cute, but it was a cute idea! The last bit is really funny and the whole this is just great.
Great job and good luck to you! -
hehe this is great, very funny. Love the picture as well, good find. Thanks very much, made me chuckle! Good luck in te contest xxx
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You have such a wicked sense of humor. Another fun write
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Hi, thanks a milion hugs Di
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LOL - I love Alice adventures! Great imagination and really fun to read
Bravo!
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Hi, thanks a milion, hugs Di
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lol!!!heeheehee very funny!!
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OOO i like yes you got brownie points i bow down to you
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I've always been a big fan of alice in wonderland and other carroll tales. I think the kinky twist would make it even more interesting. Alice in bondageland, now that has a happy ring to it.
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don't quite see how it fits into my contest, but it was fun to read, at any rate...
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Oh this is clever. Very nicely written and it flowed superbly. Awesome job and I always knew what Alice was really in to...
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Hi Crisstiena, thank you for the wonderful critique, at the moment I am messing around with comedy,not easy to do without becoming too vulgar,but I will keep trying.Big hug as always your friend
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Thanks for your super critique, I expect even Alice had her dark side lol
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scrummy
"There is no use trying, said Alice; one can't believe impossible things. I dare say you haven't had much practice, said the Queen. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
giggles
i have so far today read two poems and they have both cheered
me up immensly. thank you for this great little piece...i love alice...i think everyone should read the book...there is something in there for everyone...and i wouldn't change this
one bit, it's perfect! bravo for imagination and a great sense of humour.
best, always ~ criss
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Alice is a kinky little wench! Disturbing, but very funny, seeing as we recently studied that novel in class. Teacher never mentioned that!
Lol great job once again, very amusing.
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Thaks ,it was exclamation mark missing
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Just take the "what" off im a tart, to me it sounds better. What is deadwood in that sentence
My opinion, respect it if u want
-Holly
make you journey your destination -
Hi Holly thanks a million, have just done the edit.tell me what you think
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This was a really great piece, I just didn't like the last line..well, actually, it kind of jumbled, and got frustrating to read, maybe you should read it over to yourself
-Holly-
make you jounrye your destination
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