I've strummed my last ballad you see
At Big Momma's Brothel in Tennessee
When the stage was rushed by sweet Susie Chee
And her five hundred pounds of urgency
My bass player fainted
My drummer jumped ship
The triangle player popped out his hip
But I had been singing with my eyes closed
I didn't see Susie; as she charged with that rose
I heard screaming, and shouts
As the front row recoiled
I cracked open an eye
To see the turmoil
But it was too late
Our Susie had leaped
I was covered in shadow
As my manager weeped
I gulped down a squeal, and said a quick prayer
And the lord was listening, that day, I swear
Cuz when Susie had landed, it wasn't on me
She flattened some Asshat that got in for free
She gazed up at me, all smiles (with that rose)
And stated she "loved my poetry & prose"
I said "Susie, well then this song's for you"
And then I took her backstage
Where I knew all whales blew.
Author notes
Written January 1st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- = by Fragile Monster.
325 points, ended October 22, 2005, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Give Weird Al a Run For His Money? by xxRainbowDawnxx.
575 points, ended December 15, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Not my scene, my dear fellow, but I much like the last like as it is so very true about whales blowing but they never swallow the seamen, ho ho, that is traditional Austrian joke!
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lol.... See now everyone can see why I like humour contests!! They just make you ROTFLOL... I like the first stanza... Sounds like something i'd write
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!!
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Oh dear god.
I loved this. But really, poor people....
Is this true?
I'm conflicted. I really loved this poem, the rhyming was hilarious and great, along with the story. did you make this up?
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LMAO! This was hilarious!!!! I have to print this one out and hang it on the fridge!
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*snickers*
actually we loved the poem.
it just *really* didn't follow the rules.
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What the hell???
Disqualified.
nay
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This rhymes and is a very nice poem. (except for the asshat thing) I'll be looking for more like this one.
Love,
Bo Peep -
Great
Awesome piece of work
very well written
I hope to read more of your work, -
EXELLENT WORK
LMAO Nice work, man! Yet again, you had me laughing uncontrollably! For the record, I like the word asshat. My uncle uses that and assjacket a lot! What I like is an asshat with a matching assjacket, but they have to be PLAID! LMAO j/k GREAT WORK! I liked it so much that I featured it for you! ROCK ON, MAN!
~Spike~
Edited on Jan 02, 2:48 because 'I featured it!'. -
If you're going to try and sound intelligent
Do it on your fat chick poems.
I'm not selling soap opera tattle
tale dramas here mate, sorry.
The milk bars ----->
That way, don't let that
whistle stick in your throat.
I'm just here to have a good time. -
WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO! Ha, ha I love this piece! Still laughing my ass off, great job man, no, awesome job! especially those last two zingers, "I said "Susie, well then this song's for you"
And then I took her backstage
Where I knew all whales blew."
Fat chicks need love'n too! awesome poem man, again, great job. -
Bow'ls!
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aw...enough with the fat girl jokes
Seriously this was a fun read, yes, did have some very funny parts. But to put her backstage with the whales? -
Yes, you are right, someone just sent me an I.M. saying that ode also means "The shortened path of an electrode." You are in fact correct and now I see the light you are shining on "Sweet Suzie Chee!" I stand corrected, and keep writing and inventing new forms; you are so clever and witty! Peace
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Ha Ha. That was funny! An amusing peom. I am glad she wasn't hurt. Enjoy your music and stay cool.
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It appears you were indeed lucky that night. You must be doing something right so keep it up and look at you crowd for goodness sakes. That is your destiny.
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Oh, I'm well familiar with what an ode is thank you,
And this is indeed an ode to Susie Chee. -
This is a very funny piece, but is not at all an ode. Ode is short for epode, and yes there are many formal, distinct types made famous by the famous Greek poet Pindar and introduced to England by Ben Jonson resurrecting this form out of respect. If you are further intereted in identifying with this form see To a Nightingale by John Keats, or Percy Shelly's, To a Skylark, and although these are more modern (not much though) than the more famous ones by Thomas Gray (The Bard), and John Dryden (Alexander's Feast), they still carry a torch of respect for their ancient brothers and sisters. This brief history has been sponsored by an anonymous maker of a facsimile medication to treat A.D.D., A.D.H.T. and many other disorders that future poets of the world suffer from. Still is a funny piece, no pun intended. Peace
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oh this was hilarious Darcy told me i would like your stuff and christ i gotta tell ya i laughed my ass off with this one....
thanks
billy -
Well, this was an awesome poem. i really liked the image of a large woman running into a crowd to show her appreciation. The squishing must have brutal...the speaker is lucky to have survived. Well, don't let Susie to do you as she did to the singer of the band...that would be a tragedy. Keep up the wonderful writing.
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Rhythm of this poem going great
Nice lyrics youve got here -
Great what a laugh, I think it's fantastic you made me laugh so much nearly broke a rib, keep it up, I think you have got talent,real fun to read and can imagine the tune, have a very happy new year I wish you success, dont stop writing you hear me
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Excellent
I also enjoyed this..the slight ribbing of "Susie" with the rose...a fan of preportion....never the less a devoted fan..Excellent
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I like the title and the tone and rhythm of your poem. "But I had been singing with my eyes closed" is my favorite line.
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Lol... this is great, Jeremi.... I can just see Suzie jumping for joy at the prospect of landing on the man of her hopes, lucky for you she missed .... but that poor Asshat she landed on... bet he doesn't crash anymore performances around that place either
Your poem/lyrics are impecable, so amusing and perfectly timed. I so enjoyed this
Dee
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7 old applause
