Futuristic poltergeists dancing around
The handbags and the streamers and the cut-price crudites
As hand in hand we say goodnight
To this morning full of hello and goodbye
Shaking as soured pear-drops begin to bite
Sting that rivals battery acid, seems I'm
Drowning in paint stripper as the
Stars begin to shrink and fade
Shining like a new blank canvas
Blurry like the memory of the old, all at once
Sparkling with promises, like teardrops, like smiles
Dull with expectations
What a glorious celebration! Behold!
Life spills out behind us, and before, blood stained, black and blue
Purple and yellow
And golden with the pale glow of sunrise
The haze of sunset clinging to silver lining midnight streets
Glistening in their crowded nakedness
With stories yet unwritten, hushed words... hush!
The countdown begins
The numbers increase as 3,2,1! 4 becomes 5
Fast away it passes
And at the 13th Stroke
The rest remains
Still, silent
As the grave
And within the womb
Waiting
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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How have I only just noticed this? I'm losing it. But this is really cool. Confusing, but in a prettiful way
The wording rocks.
"Shaking as soured pear-drops begin to bite
Sting that rivals battery acid, seems I'm
Drowning in paint stripper as the
Stars begin to shrink and fade"
Wow. Very, very cool
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wow... did you change this up at all because i dont remember it being so amazing... great job
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wow
Hey, I was curious about this poem cuz its your latest one and I've read the title on my favourites page a million times! I needed to read it!
I'm glad I did, your wording is incredible...I'm into the pretty language thing! I didn't quite get this, but still it was pretty amazing to read. Your obviously an extremely good writer. well done.
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Urrgh... yeah. There is SUCH a lot of filler... In my defence I think the stanzas you picked out were the only ones that weren't perry-fuelled. Not incredibly happy with it, to be honest... But thanks for the feedback. And good luck with the issues. See ya around dad
Your 'daughter'
Archie
(you're right - that is wierd!) -
this was cool... i liked hearing something different, good twist at the end too... i really enjoyed the first few lines, your words were just perfect in those 2 stanzas... i think this poem should be shorter though, it just seems like you have a lot of filler in between that doesnt fit as well as it should... im sorry i havent been reading many of your works lately, but i havnt been very attentive to anything really, ive had some issues going on for a while now that dont seem to be dying any time soon, but ill be sure to start trying harder to get some reviews in on your work... great job on this poem tho
Your "dad"
~Ethan
lol, that sounds so weird
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