First, you find a really DULL
Living teenage poet that thinks
Their work is in communion
With a higher purpose
(But they have to have a
Very mature username
With pizazz and significance
Like GothicBurritto05)
And then you take all of
Their poetry, and substitute
The following:
"knife" for 'hairy salivating vagina'
"cut" for 'Good Charlotte sucks my grandma's tampon'
"life" for 'spaz'
"death" for 'aloofa'
"blood" for 'Uranus'
"sex" for 'exploding bicycles'
And "Jesus" gets to stay
Jesus, but past tense
Like this 'Jesused'
"razorblade" for lactation
And "suicide" for -
- "Great! Please fucking do!"
I must stress that when stealing
Splendid poetry out from under
The noses of self deluded
Gothic Emo (eternally damned
By their own insecurities) teenage
Poets, smile as if you're dealing with
National Library of Poetry Poets
But with worse hair and acne
Wear a rubber, and a mask.
Author notes
Written December 30th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- just have fun by .
550 points, ended March 8, 2005, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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well, i will probably try this at some point, im sure that the results really are hilarious.....almost as funny sounding as the awesome site that writes over the top gothic poetry after you input half a dozen key words into the program! i hope you have patented this formula! its certainly unique! lol
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LoLoLoL -- this was hilarious... HaHaHe
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That's just fucking funny! Now this is what I'm talking about! About time some one opens their mouth.
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so true.
lol.. -
lol i used your little formula here and some of my own crazy ideas and transformed someone's self pity poem into a masterpiece! I'll probably post it just for laughs! Thanks for the great idea! I found it amuses when I get frustrated. At first I thought this is incredibly stupid but when I tried it, it worked wonders...good job! I wasn't just chuckling...I was laughing like crazy when I tried it!
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you are so cool!
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I see you're not the fluffiest lamb in the old pasture are you?
See, this isn't even a poem.
Read the title again, it's a formula.
But if you want rhyming poems
I would probably go to my
author page and click on
one of my records, or song lyric, or
ode categories. -
Well, this doesn't rhyme. I really like rhyming poems. I'd be happy to check out more of your work if you let me know where your poems that rhyme are. Also, the border is rather dark. I'd be happy to link you to a great rhyming site if you want. Just let me know. I really like this poem.
Love,
Bo Peep
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Fun!
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That was incredibly funny!
Good charlotte sucks my grandmas tampon. LMAO I loved it!
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jesus christ... i have to assume this is a poetic attack... and if it is i love it so much more.... a brilliant verbalizing what i think and am too god damn lazy to write.... hahaha
as excellent sun tzu
billy -
No, that's your job, I already have
that's what I'm saying, it's fun
try it. -
Alright... now find a poem with all these words in it and convert it... That would be glorious... simply glorious.
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LMAO, but my experience teaching is that students don't learn well without examples. That is, they don't think and instead try to get through the lesson by mimicing something that makes no sense to them. However, your instruction is reasonably clear as is. Perhaps some can get it.
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Such a talented poet as yourself gets off on bad poetry? It's nice to know there's still a use for gothic angst. Barbie. Xx
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"knife" for 'hairy salivating vagina'
"cut" for 'Good Charlotte sucks my grandma's tampon'
"life" for 'spaz'
"death" for 'aloofa'
"blood" for 'Uranus'
"sex" for 'exploding bicycles'
And "Jesus" gets to stay
Jesus, but past tense
Like this 'Jesused'
"razorblade" for lactation
And "suicide" for -
- "Great! Please fucking do!"
absolutely brilliant...hehe although i cant talk on account that whole teenage "gothic thing" but i dont write about how much i hate life and such i think you did a great job and i loved it...
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Well fuck man I occasionally end up with papyrus shoved and hidden inside my ass but its never quite as funny as this shit. Good work and idea and all that shit.
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It's a shame that people like that work harder at butchering the art of writing than themselves. I enjoyed this so much that I feel quite dirty and now should probably wash my hands....
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Hey I read this earlier and now my comments gone, GRRRR! I wave my private parts at your aunties! (and yes that IS stolen from Monty Python) hahaha, oh well its still a good write.
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good job
I like this work it was funny yet at the same time deeply desturbing. Any way I love the flow and feel of the whole poem. It was great.I loved it, I like it.... -
ROCK ON
Nice poem, man! Proves my point on how you have a great sense of humor! ROCK ON, MAN!
~Spike~ -
LMAO Brutal response, man! LMAO BRUTAL! GREAT! SICK HER!
~Spike~ -
great motto
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Well it made me crack a grin and thats more than I can say for the poems that are the subject of this piece.
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Heh, you made me snicker. Though the title doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, it says it all, and that's enough. Your first and last stanzas were very well-written, though the bulk of the poem--the middle stanza--was a little sloppy (though keenly cynical), I thought. The way you formed it by listing the substitutions didn't really work, though as humorous as they were. Nice job!
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HAHAHAAHHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH>>>>.. oooooooooooh
sticky -
Dear squirtgurl;
I don't know what came over me really?
Apparently, I passed out... And I woke up (sort
Of with a dry mouth, and all achey) with
This scrawled on an ancient papyrus and
shoved up my ass? I can't explain it...
Please forgive me. -
Why exactly would someone do this? I mean if you were just that bored come up with something original. But I must admit I liked the last two lines of this. Anyway, have fun with that.
~squirrel~ -
Horus, This is just too fuuny. Somebody had to say it! And you did an absolutley wonderful job. You recieve a standing ovation.
Anna -
LMFAO! I think i have fit this a few times... *bows head in shame* but maybe not, because yes, i am 19 but i am not a gothic poet.. hahahaha i have escaped the clutches of mockery yet again. woo hoo! hey, at least i can spell!! (last time i checked) i hopefully have something going for me in this.. but i will definitely be careful when playing with big sharp hairy salivating vaginas.. thank you for the warning. Also, i will not be Jesused this week.
Kat -
Eesamey-Bitamey.
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that was nice i liked it
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oh, oh my.. have yo ever had your share of er, bad gothic teenage poetry, but your instructions are Oh, my, makes one wanna try just for the very clever-clever instructions, but as I've not read enough bad gothic, etc., etc., hmmm..maybe I could just look for bad anything, Oh, damn you are wickedly clever and this, oh geez, so wickedly clever...
lololol, oh! heh! Applause and damn, what a clever horus8 you be-eth, oh, what a click, what a piece!
m.
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I enjoyed this alot. I have a fair few gothic friends who piss me off daily with their attidutes to my work (I often get accused of literature), so this should be interesting to put into action on their poems. Kudos.
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And what is wrong with Gothic teenage poetry? I'm 15 and write some of the best in the country. Lets see...there's "Vampyre's of Wal*Mart" and "I was a teenage Vampire" and of course the seminal, "Gothic Vampyres of Westbury High." I know you'd like the last one...EVERYONE does!
I don't think you should attack GothicBurritto5, I've read her work and it is quite exciting--it's filled with cuttings and teen angst--I don't think you ever read her, "I cut--therefore I'm a Vampire." A truly amazing work. Besides, she has really built upon the style of her older sister, GothicBurritto4.... -
funny...you are goin' to pop some pimples and get pubes bunched in braces for this one...better look out for the eggs
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wow!! i love this!!! its hilareos.... great job... where did this come from??
alot of teen poets are like this(saddly i am in this catigory) and you just masicured what they write about... great job!!
cat~ -
i dont understand why the hairy salivating vagina is in my hand
i guess you just pissed me off to no end
i can't understand why your not breathing
i can't beilive what i am seeing
Uranus red blossoms scatter your chest
maybe now the demons will rest
you taunted and teased pushed me to the edge
my sanity left you should have watched what you said
you really shouldnt annoy the crazy person
i guess that was a hard lesson to learn
its amazing how simple it was to
plunge that hairy salivating vagina deep into you
i never forget the look in your eyes
as spaz faded out and you slowly went aloofa
your body falling back on the bed
with an unatural angle to your head
you talked so much but said nothing at all
lying about were you've been the things you've saw
i ended you finnally
and people will praise me
so i finally got rid of me.
For the at least two couplets it worked... -
hurray
wow.. that is wicked, man. i'm so tempted to use that formula myself on some certain poems on AP.. that would be muy funny.. really.
-toxy -
okay
umm..I dont know if I would do that but Okay nice words and instructions -
HOLY FUCK'N SHIT! Wow! I laughed my pimply teenage ass off! I love this! This is the shit! I love it, You my evil friend, have earned an applause! awesome!
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Niice.
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bravo!
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OMG Horus, you are too damn much! This is so true for some teenage poets. I love it and therefore I shall applaud it.
~Destiny~
LOL Very funny! -
You are my hero
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this was funny in a way. now I feel like a loser b/c I am a teen and I write poems. but this was good and funny. good job!
UGAChik 
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funny
hahaha this is hysterical i was literally laffing out loud.
except now i feel like a loser for being a teenage poet.
but thats besides the point.
you are very very funny.
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