Staring through an open window
Is what I like to do
I watch all life trickle by
When I am without you
I sit beside your picture frame
And watch you look at me
I wish that I could rescue you
From the glass and make you free
You'd stand there in front of me
In the middle of my bedroom floor
You'd reach your arms out to touch me
Just like you did before
I attempt to grasp this image before me
This brief glimpse of history
My heart weeps for you as you disappear
And leave my presence with a faint memory
Staring through an open window
Is what I have to do
Otherwise my life trickles by
When I am without you
Author notes
A rhyming poem about a long-distance relationship I was in a few years ago. I saw him a total of 5 days throughout our relationship.
My first poem on allpoetry. I considered it better than my 2nd and 3rd.
In a list
A contest entry
- Take Two! by GreenKat92.
300 points, ended October 28, 2006, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Yeah, a lost love. But he isn't relevant anymore. I am with the guy who's pictured on my author page. I have so much more better poetry than this one.
Thank you for reading. 
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sad, thought inspiring.
Well written poetry with the repetition and the sound of music. The rhyme runs free and the imagery is vivid and full of feeling.
I wonder who the person is. I hope it is not someone who died. A lost love, perhaps; so sad. -
completly beautiful
It was sad , beautifully written and I really liked it. reminds me of a few relationships I have been in. I feel your pain . You did an amazing job writting about your feelings.
Guin -
EXCELLENT
REALLY ENJOYED THIS ONE. TRUE FEELINGS THROUGHOUT. -
Good job! You must really love him! This poem is so sad and I know the feeling. I admit that I don't love this guy anymore....he moved away....he fell for someone else on our first night out(that my parents should never know about cuz I am not supposed to go out with guys for a few years)...but it wasn't meant to be. I don't consider it going out with him anymore...now I feel that he has no capability to love...just to use.
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Great!
So sad and hoping for just one last touch. I know the feeling. Great poem. I can't wait to read the next one!
~Sarah -
awww
awww i really like it
i can really relate to it
i luv how you captureed the love and the denial when without love
greatness
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This is a beautiful poem. Nevermind, its not in the contest, I don't think...I clicked on it there, but now its not there... I am so confused!
Edited on Nov 25, 12:02 because ''. -
OMG I decided to go back to the beginning and bombard you
This is wonderful Laura. I want to know who you wrote this for but that's part of your past Wonderful poem
~~Jessica Erin
Petal
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I know exactly how you feel in this piece. I am without my love, but soon that will end. The feeling is presented properly and rhyming is in good setting. I love it. Good luck in the contest.
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Very good- very true. When you're not with the one you love, time seems to drag on and on forever. Great flow, good rhythm and unforced rhyming. Nice imagery, and I like how you repeat the first stanza at the end. One flaw: "prescence" should be "presence". Other than that minor thing, very well done. Good luck in the contest.
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This poem flows very well. Once again I congratulate you on
a very good poem. I often find myself doing the same thing,
just sitting and looking at a picture of someone that I have
lost and really cared about and just wishing that the picture
could somehow turn to life and they would be right in front
of me, but then I do that same and realize that it it just
a picture and I cannot touch him and hold him. Great Job.
PhotoGal -
This poem expresses soo much emotion and pain... so beautiful.
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neutral
Such a sense of loss... beautiful. -
Beautiful...reminds me of the first time I met someone who shall remain nameless but he knows who he is. I haven't seen him since and he's all I think about. Ok enough of my mush it was really good.
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I love it. I really do. It makes me think of rain trickling down a misty window. Nice tingle inside when I read it :)
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Oh, this is so sad. I felt the pain in this one. It made my heart weep. This is very good writing.
Tina -
I agree with both comments, but the ideas are too good. Meter needs a tiny bit of work. You have some great ideas here, I'd hope you'd edit it to perfection, but I'm giving the benefit because my first visit to you:)
PF... Tommy -
I enjoyed this piece, thought it seems the flow was slightly interrupted by the last two lines in the fourth paragraph. Otherwise, you did a great job =o)
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This is beautiful! I especially like the 'rescue you from the glass and make you free'... That is so descriptive. Perhaps I like it so well because many of my poems revolve around memories, reflections, or mirages... Very well done. m
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