Sun reflected by
moon's mirror on the sea:
one heart echoes
can darkness disguise
the lily's fragrance?
Author notes
Click the "Show All" Comments link for an authorative comment by AndrewHide (Teacher of tanka writing on AP)
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Commended, 8th out of 104, in the Winklings Contest # 43 [independently judged by Jenifer Rileigh from Mooloolah, Australia] see final notes: allpoetry.com/ Contest/214024 8
Written December 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything you want...Show me Your Best Poems..I need inspiration..PW's Welcome! by Hetha.
2100 points, ended August 20, 227 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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In such brevity, you still deliver the five senses in such stylish beauty and grace. Nicely written!
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Darkness covers up a lot of things but not all.
That's really a wonderful tanka and affirmation.
I don't know what Anamnesis means but I have reviewed Lyndons comment and it helped me understand it.
The imagery in this is so felt throughout the poem, and it's so heartfelt.
Kind of makes you give a happy sigh at the very end of it.
Kari
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I love lilies; don't know why, I just do. Sort of like, I like lighthouses, I don't really know why I do, I just do.
Now, smelling a lily is probably not what I'd do, the last time I did that a bug crawled up my nose. Yes, wasn't pretty.
Anyway ... nice Tanka.
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beautiful haiku poem. keep writing! well-done!
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Hmm well I actually have no idea what a tanka is but 'm sure you've written this very well. It's short but sweet. So what inspired you this time to write this poem? As always you've done a great job! I'm off to read more of your poems so take care! Byby!
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Thank you, Leon!
Yes, you are correct, traditional tanka did not have titles and usually only the first line of a haiku is used in the west when necessary. However, tanka are not as restrictive as haiku and contemporary styles do vary.
As the famous haijin Basho said, "Learn the rules, then forget them"
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This was great. I love tanka, mainly because my favorite english teacher was an accomplished tanka poet. So, of course she turned me on to the style. I haven't really given it a shot, but pieces like yours make me want to give it a shot. BTW, I thought tanka's usually don't have names?
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This is absolutely beautiful in form and presentation! I do like the tanka form now. Unfortunately, I have not had much exposure to it. Could you teach me to compose these? LOL Also, congratulations on the recognition it received in the contest. I always enjoy reading your work. All my best,
Belle
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Thank you so much for tapping the full depths and dimensions, Ron
Although it has multi-dimensional meaning, your insight and familiarity with the subtle and more esoteric allusions is most gratifying and appreciated. 
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Excellence
Maatkara: I find, Genelle, that the genius of the write lies as much with the beauty built by you into this tanka form as it bdoes with the title that explodes over this poem. Your
Anamnesis is first of all an excellent reminescence of the sun illuminating the moon on a dark night and , by relay, flooding the scene with soft light. The illustration is not necessary but it does explain what I have said. But Anamnesis has a deeper meaning: It is that part of the Eucharistic canon wherein the sacrifice of Christ is recalled.
Behold the poem: The Sun is a serious pun for 'Son' who brought light to a darkened world. His sacrifice is remembered by reflection in the Eucharist. Consider the lily of the field? Nothing more remarkable! Consider Christ's beautiful, pure and gentle life culminating in sacrifice: nothing more remarkable.
And the Heart of God, the Holy Spirit at work among us answers the rhetorical question: "Yes, God's grace will not allowe the darkness to disguise the lily's (the pure one's) fragrance; his everlasting love through salvation.
I am surprised that so many did not look at Gennelle's depths or even bother with her most enlightening title. Ron.
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This is absolutely beautiful... a complete image and feeling captured in so few words.
Wonderful.
Ann -
Oh, I could smell the love. Wonderful
~Mary O -
Very interesting, tanka, i havnt read any of these before but I like this peice, with just a few lines you have managed to put alot of emotion and imagery into it. well done, thanks for entering and good luck!
xx laura
(p.s. sorry i cant applaud your poem as i dont have the points!!) -
XD Aussie Tanka could be interesting...but not when it revolves around spiny anteaters. lol
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Haha! An Aussie tanka, huh?
I grew up with those in the Aussie bush.. hard to think of them as an elegant subject for a tanka
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Hehe, I like Japanese poetry in general. I also really like chōka too, but Tanka are my favorite. My science teacher made us do a Tanka on Echidna once
Edited on Feb 11, 2:07 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you, tieed! There are too few who apprecite them, let alone know the original name of the form
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Yay a Tanka!! There are not enough Waka poets on AP or most other poet-oriented sites. I really like this piece and the picture you've chosen to go with it is perfect. My favorite part is the last two lines, it's a great example of this under-rated form. Thank you for entering!
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This is a really wonderful poem. I think you did an excellent job on the form, even though I know nothing about the tanka. I think this poem has a lot of beautiful imagery, and you said so much in so few lines. I think that only the best poets can do that . Thank you very much for entering.
~Kevin -
Excellence
The visual and olfactory senses are appealled to in a brilliant Tanka. Let us say the poem aloud. Hear the vowel music? No wonder! 14 different vowel sounds in 17 words.
The sun is reflected from the water from the illumined moon. The moon recalls the sun for us at night. And, the sweetness of the lily is recalled throuigh the exudant perfume, in the still airs of night. This tanka is a beautiful reminiscence of the sun on the scene; the lily of the day; the waters shimmerings.
As well, the form presented enacts its title. For it is a feast for the sacrificial lily; the 'inferior' moon. It is, indeed, a natural Eucharistic phenomenon of the recall of the presence of the greater light of the day's presence sacrificed in beauty to the seducing night.
If you do not believe what I am saying, look at the title; roll the poem around in your mind and on your tongue. Let it reach into your soul. Congratulations Gennelle.
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Thank you, James! Yes, I find rhetorical questions can work very well in the right places.
~Gen
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This is quite beautiful dear girl. On another note , I think I have just come to the conclusion that some of my recent poetry , Outside of the site that I am currently working on for my book , Has contained elements like your tanka...LOL. Which surprises me quite a bit since I usually know what forms I am toying with. That last line is fantastic...The idea of the lily sets everything into place. And I must give you a big shout out for actually containing a question in your poem that doesn't actually ASK the reader to complete it. Which is also good to see.
I like this. Yep.
- James
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You have some great Poetry
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intriguing
I always feel intimidated by tanka (maybe by tanka writers too!!!) but this is one that really gets my attention. I'm trying to learn to appreciate them more, and the only way to do that is read more. Excellent attention grabber for me. The idea of reflected reflection is intriguing to say the least. Great tanka! Stu -
another beautiful write by the one and only maatkara this was incredible....your writing style astounds me!!! your the queen of alternative forms...haiku, tanka...etc....this was beautiful best of luck
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excellent
Oh Brava! How well done indeed. Great visual images, even without the lovely Pix. I must comment on the pivot line, great jump. A joy to read. SirPort -
Interesting. I've haven't read too many poems that are this short and yet this powerful, and trust me I've read LOTS. The question you pose is really deep and moving. Actually, the whole poem is deep and moving, LoL.
Good luck on future rights.
~The Sleepless One~ -
I wish I had found this Tanka much sooner! In five magic lines, all eternity lives, from the timeless past of creation with its stars, and more recent planet and its moon and a placid ocean right up to the immediacy of tonight with the reality of a lily in its scent.
It is an achingly beautiful reality, an awareness of meaning beyond the obvious surface that everyone can look at--but how many besides a poet can really SEE?
This one would have had to be a real contender for a trophy.
Terry
Edited on Feb 23, 6:28 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Finally, I got to read a tanka on this site! And a very well written one too. It's just beautiful and it flows together so well. It really touches the core in just five lines. I'm glad I got to read this and finally see how a tanka comes together. Good job. Thank you for sharing! Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
~CT -
Outstanding!
This is by far one of the best tanka I have read so far. It is packed with awesome imagery and makes use of the sense of sight, sound as well as smell. That's just GREAT! With all these senses at work, how can darkness ever disguise a beautiful lily from our sight? L2 is a very unique and original line. L3 made me look deep into the Kaminshu. This tanka resonates on many levels and I enjoyed that part the most. Thanks for sharing your excellent work!
Charishma -
We are what we are, regardless of the imaginations of the perceivers. Not much of a Tanka fan, but this one is exceptional. Thought provoking, (as evidenced by the mind bogglings analysis already shared by some of the more verbose comments)but simple in presentation. Your usual skillful guidance has arranged select, few words to create a panoramic view of an unspoken truth.
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Ooooh. Five lines and it was STILL good. Gotta love that. I have to say you get kudos for working so much into even fewer lines than what I was asking. Beautiful scene that was created and something that will stay with me a while after reading.
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Thank you, Uwe! Fabulous comment!...That really put a grin on my face.
~ G
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The artist formerly known as Critic2 used to claim that everybody on AllPoetry always uncritically applauded each other. I personally do not think that is the case, but anyway: I hereby applaud a fabulous poem, i.e. THIS poem!
The water reflects the moon reflects the sun. A lily is a lily is a lily. Gertrude Stein would be proud, and if I'm not mistaken I can see Basho smiling over there in the darkness...
All love
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Thank you, Eddy! Your excellent insights and very thoughtful comments are most appreciated! You can't really "read too much into this", as it is intended to trigger just that... tap into one's intuitive associations. Macrocosm/microcosm, exactly!
(You know you can still applaud when your "bonus" ones run out...it just costs you 7 points. Cast your 'applauds' upon the waters and they will return to you a hundredfold )
~Gennelle
Edited on Jan 11, 9:20 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Is an apple ever an orange...
Now with that said a indepth...lol
We do not see moon but only reflections of sun
much like society doesn't see individuals but only their
idea of what they THINK they are. So both are only reflections of the observers eyes and not what is there in reality.
Sun and moon can be likened to opposites and as such to duality itself. When we transport that to man himself then we have
the pull of the TWO inner vs outer, good vs bad, physical vs spiritual. Man's body is like 80 plus percent water and so we also have the pull of the planets. Just as sun and moon affect tides. The pull of outer force (people, situations, etc) affect
the inner core of man. So while some may see an nature write here I see a deep philosophical write. The sun and moon representing the fight of good and evil in man. Each pulling him to their own direction. The light of good reflected in the darkness, showing there is ALWAYS a spark of hope there if we will only dig deep enought. Often man is too wrapped up in the sight to smell or feel or taste what is there, but only we we bring all senses to bear do we really get a true picture of what is there. A rotted plate of meat can be make to LOOK appetizing but if we SMELL then we will see another story. I see the end as a tounge and cheek of just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it is not there. Which represents man's always thinking he knows what he does not or prejudging what is before him whether person or thing BEFORE he has a real chance to understand it.
It is NOT until we REALLY get to know a person that we truly see what they are about. They may appear a bright light, like the reflected moon, but be bad at the core. We will not know just as we don't know what is in the ocean by looking at the surface.
We SEE moonlight reflecting, but it is not there, just an illusion upon the water. It is not until we find the "source"
by looking up into the sky. That we really learn what moonlight really is. It's too bad a lot of people don't understand this basic concept you put here. I may read too much into this, but then I see the macrocosmos in all the mini ones...
Hugs...Eddy
I have no more applauds to give...so I will just salute you...
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woh. You are simply brilliant, and I am achingly jelous.
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Thank you so much, Andrew! I greatly appreciate your taking the time to comment so comprehensively. Your expertise and scholarship on the subject adds a weight and authority that is invaluable.
Happy New Year!
~ Gennelle
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I like this piece, I found the Kaminshu (upper verse) quite a piece to take on board with the first reading, though not as simple an image as is often used in tanka, it does still work and is fine within the style of the poem, in someways this adds to the piece as it causes the reader to look deeper into the poem. This is not a poem to be glanced over if the reader expects to grasp the whole scene and subject.
One original part of this tanka and the way you have written it, is the way L3 delivers a setting for the whole poem, a kaori for both the two images and indicates the mood of the poet. After viewing this it allows the poem to resonate nicely within the reader which gives this piece a very strong image (once grasped).
I'm a big lover of question haiku and tanka, when they work, they work very well. For those who question this piece, it is a tanka
Very well put together Maatkara, there has been far more work put into this one than many will probably appreaciate.
Andrew -
nope
beautifully serene
but somehow i just can not recal where from
smiles . .happy new year
mike
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Thank you for your wonderfully insightful comment, Mari!
~ G
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I loved the upper verse of this tanka! What a wonderful imagery!
On the lower verse what I see is, that all what we see so clear at day light, can easily be missed at night, IF we allow darkness to take over. Once we use all the senses we have, no darkness will disguise anything from us, especially not beauty
Lovely it is Gennelle!
I wish you all the best and lots of beauty to your New Year and always
Mari
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Actually, Gregg, I have read classical Japanese tanka which end in a question. And this is a rhetorical one... You can recognize any flower you know by its perfume without physically seeing it, right?
~ G
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I enjoyed the mystery I sense in this. The lines are really quite lovely. That is an interesting question you pose at the end, and it leaves us to ponder what the answer may be, if there's an answer at all. It is much like life I think.
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I also must be missing the meaning behind the poem. Probably because it ends in a question with an answer I am clueless about. Even the form has me questioning what is being said here, it is not a tanka, but just two phrases juxtaposed together , with the last one being a question. Gregg
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Strong images
I love it. The tropical moonrise picture is gorgeous, setting a peaceful mood. If we think about it, it is easy to see that the moonlight on the water is reflected sunlight, which loses brightness at each step; through a glass darkly? The lilies are beautiful in the night. The more I think about your poem, the more I see.
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I really liked the first verse, it was pretty but the second one totally lost me.... Theres probably some deep meaing I'm not getting htough. good write.
Best of luck
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