Crystalline raindrops
Shine like stars overhead,
illuminating delicate images
Of peaceful figures,
who gaze down
At the weeping shadows
Scattered throughout the room that seems to quiet.
And all of them focused
On the polished Rosewood,
etched with patterns
as intricate as
ne'er forgotten dreams.
A soft sweet scent
Fills the air,
the scent of so many flowers
with fragile petals
like pure white silk.
All the flowers,
that could never be,
as beautiful as you.
Society's innocent victim,
damned by fate,
destroyed by darkness...
So i will immortalize you in memories
And I'll tell your story
Until the world has heard of you,
My love...
Dead by age sixteen.
Author notes
this poem is about 2 years old, now.
Written December 26th, 2004
A contest entry
- #4 Losing a loved one. by xox-lankan-xox.
500 points, ended March 13, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dying Is The Latest Fasion by SoundsOfSilence.
800 points, ended April 5, 60 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Awe...
Damn.
This hits home...
to fucking close to home....
Very well done. -
well how would i say it god damd but i love that shit keep it up
-
i loved this poem its very good but sad but good thank you so much for entering my contest thank you
~Kayce~ -
this is good i really like it! thanks for entering it into my contest
<3 jerusha -
yes well thank you for the advice. i apreciate it.
-
I think this is a good poem, and it's as good as the
one I posted for this contest.
Some people use punctuation, and some people don't.
If you use it, make sure that you use it correctly.
If your line ends in a comma, maybe you shouldn't
capitalize the first word in the next line.
There are some minor spelling errors in this, like "whit"
when I think you mean "white"; "i" when it should be "I".
I can't think of what they're called offhand, but instead of
using the "..." you might try using a semi-colon ";". If you
are going to use the dots, three is sufficient. More than
three looks annoying. I don't think you need them at all
on the last line, a period would do just as well.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's a bad poem. The
whole punctuation stuff just tarnishes it a little,
that's all. -
thanks
-
This poem really hit me hard but I really like it, well done!
-Allie -
wow i absolutly love this poem very emotional i love it great job best luk in contest
lorren -
Great emotion. I could feel the pain in it (which was the main goal of this contest. yay for you!). I like it a lot. I think you did a very well job done. Great write.
-Jennifer -
wow that was chillingly well written!!!!!... good job.. the ending was very wonderful.. it was kind of a surprise although!!!... good job with the imagry.. very well written!!!
-
Oh my, this is quite powerfully intense! Such rich imagery here. There are excellent metaphors as well. Definately take a bow on this one, it's spun of gold and brimstone! Love it!
-
Excellent, beautifully crafted!
Magnificent imagery pristine elements ... "On the polished Rosewood,
etched with patterns
as intricate as
Ne'er forgotten dreams
A soft sweet scent
fills the air" Excellent tribute beautifully crafted
Two thumbs up... Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors!!
-
Oh this was so beautiful. I enjoyed reading this very much it is such a pretty tribute, sad but also sweet.
Crystalline raindrops
shine like stars overhead,
Illuminating delicate images
of peaceful figures
who gaze down
at the weeping shadows
was my favourite part. Very well weritten. -
This is sad. I don't know if it was ment to be or not....I am a bit tired.....anywho great job and good luck in the contest. I don't normally like non rhyming poems...but this was was very well done.
-
You really drag the reader into this one. This work intricately (sp?) weaves beauty, sorrow, respect, love--You tie a memory to this piece, it seems, and you show it to all of us here... Wonderful. Powerful. Keep it up.
-
WOW! It starts so beautifully and ends so sadly!
It brought me to tears! Congratulations on this poem, and according to two comments above...winning a trophy!!!! Wonderful poetry has come from your hands, to the keyboard, to the computer screen which I have just read it from! Great job and keep penning!
-
wonderful
this is wonderfuly written, beautifully crafted, words of sorrow and love. I liked htis a lot, definatly enjoyed reaindg it very much! Good Luck! -
hehe ^_^ i like it
Wonderful pome...i love it...its awesome...if any of yas things differnt....well......uhh...O.o grr? heh
^_^
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Congratulations on winning your trophy...an excellent write
-
oh my. i do believe that is the best comment i've ever gotten. i'm touched, really. thank you. the funny thing is, i send my whole life trying to make people happy, and yet when i write, it seems like such a compliment when my poetry actually makes people sad. ironic, that this was so easy for me to write, and its one of my best. (it was written during english class, while i was being bored out of my mind because we were expected to read Romeo and Juliet. and i was the only one in the class who understood a single word of it....isnt that just a bit pathetic?...
-
Wow...
Woah! This is one of the best poems that I've ever read. It gave me a shivering saddness that almost tore my heart in two. The emotion and imagery are incredible. This is what poetry is truly about. Never stop writing with such beauty. -
I thought your conclusion was absolutely tremendous.
my love...
dead by age sixteen.......
All I can say is WOW, to that. The entire poem made me seek such great imagery, and romance in a sadness still there. I appreciate this piece a great deal. Thank you for asking me to look it over. -
Very sad and touching. I loved your subtle references, the silk flowers. Such a powerful ending in naming the age. Beautifully tragic.
Princess -
heart strings .. you tug at them ...
-
just wow. to me. that beats my poem. and i don't know about you. but it took almost a year to complete. and it has a squeal called "its been a year..." but this is really good.
-
very very real, your imagery made the poem brilliant...good job, i just didnt feel "pulled in" otherwise well done
Shelly -
I am sorry to inform you that you have been removed from this contest. I specifically asked that no prewrites be entered before I reviewed them, I also said that any prewrites entered without my exclusive permission would be removed and that the author would no longer be allowed to enter my contest. Remember to follow the rules from now on. I never wanted to have to disqualify anyone so I am very sorry about this but you are no longer allowed to be in my contest so don't try to re-enter it. Sorry.
-
good write.
~julia~ -
I don't understand these poems everyone writes. maybe I'm really stupid. I though it was good though still. well done! skitza
-
ok holy crap..this was seriously amazing..ever word was just soooo incredible..you are an amazing writer and i enjoyed this poem SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much! it was stunning..and it gets better CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE WON MY CONTEST!!!!!! good job you truely deserved it!
-angel- -
thank you so much for entering. this piece is magnificent! (only if i new how to spell! hehe) anyways...thanx again and ur piece was excellent! i cant wait till i read more!!!
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No authors notes to explain this piece.
Edit this and maybe try again. -
read the above
again WOW!!! -
Amazing
its...WOW!! i could sit here all night and try to find the words to tell you how great the poem is...although i would haveto agree with the others...if you actually tell the story...I can bet that it would leave us speachless...yet again...wow...that was incredable and just...WOW...
Edited on Jan 10, 5:50 because 'i forgot to applod it'. -
the lines are like that bacause, if you think about it, each describes a different part of the scene, and makes an indevidual point.
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I agree with the firs person, a more detailed sequal would do you honor. The poem is very beautiful, but I'm starting to think that I'm the subject... oh well. I can not say I understand why you cut up the lines like that, but maybe I just haven't woken up yet '.' Oh well, keep doing a good job, luv.
Edited on Jan 01, 1:05 p.m. because ''. -
Beautifully Sad
Wow. Hm, maybe you should write like a sequel to this, really telling the person's story, that would really fulfill this poem. Anyway, the description in this is amazing, I love description and you packed this poem with it very well. Loved this. So very sad and, indeed, tragic. Beautiful job. Keep writing. BYE!
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