a person; produced to accompany such a me
compulsorily to outside
phantom twin gal; all fired ready
the handle forcing smiling face
she looks at the sky
she applies
you're just tormented
many degrees and many degrees blamed
sleeping, awakening, they are painful here
you of evening
you of everyday
you of holiday
grasping my neck
it's a harsh season
be too kind
a person; produced to accompany such a me
compulsorily around town
phantom twin gal; all fired ready
the handle forcing smiling face
she; always the good child
the good child spits
you sleep to become the time when you sleep
I, by the way, repeated the year without
mother would like to see how I live
lives thinking that it is hateful
a strange power like sliding
being invited in
we would like to cry this way
a person; produced to accompany such a me
compulsorily day-to-day
phantom twin gal; all fired ready
the handle forcing smiling face
she wonders
my bare hands
she hopes to go on forever
without forgetting you
who likes the cold
original, kind
my current hermetic heart
is warmed certainly,
certainly
Author notes
Written December 26th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like this.. very different from most of what I see here.. -
Did I mention this was great stuff?
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I agree with verbinator that it is hard to tell wether this "phantom twin gal" is actually a real person, but I do think it leans far more to the side that it is still you walking beside yourself caught in the day's moment. I think that is explained in the lines "you're just tormented" & "I, by the way, repeated the year without" (which is my favorite line) Anybody going without sleep starts to question themselves.
The ending is very suiting "my current hermetic heart" show that you come to at least a compromise with yourself, even though your heart is sealed. -
"we would like to cry this way"
That line...I really loved that. For some reason, it grabbed me. It holds a lot of meaning for me and I think it's a wonderful line.
However, I can't say the same about the rest of the poem. I did like it, but it didn't seem to make much sense to me. It seemed more like a bunch of random phrases.
I did like some of the phrases you had in there...they were unique, and some of them were really wonderful. But, like I said, it really didn't make much sense. Of course, that's just my opinion.
-Emily
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great stuff
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thanks for visiting my page, torn... i do like this piece here... it's a bit more developed than the first poem i read... you show a thought-provoking style/technique that i look forward to seeing more of in the future... glad we stumbled upon each other... keep on writing... keep on being... keep on making art... and never let your light burn out... pen
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Thanks for the welcome. I like what you do with the refrain and the rhythm here. The word associations and images are creative and thoughtful. I wasn't sure if the "phantom twin gal" was referring to another person or to another aspect of the speaker's psyche, sort of a Jungian self/shadow introvert/extrovert dynamic, perhaps--I suppose it could also be applied both ways.
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