A lion fed its cubs by the water at dawn.
A bok found a place for it's young to be born.
Tail between legs ,the jackal scampers away,
And a vulture sweeps down on some unwary prey.
A zebra raises his head to the breeze,
But now rests again as no danger he sees.
But the hunter is near,they know not their plight.
A shot is fired, the whole herd is in flight.
A young bull staggers and falls to the ground
And the air is disrupted by the shattering sound.
But fate takes a hand in the battle that day,
The hunter turns,the lion springs,the hunter the prey.
The bearer fires quickly,but it is too late,
For hunter and lion have both met their fate.
Now it's over,peace reigns once again
Till sun heralds day and the coming of men,
Author notes
Written December 25th, 2004.
This was written when I was 16 and posted on the above date.
A contest entry
- A Good Old Poem, from younger years by Violinstrings.
650 points, ended November 15, 2008, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wild Animal Poems by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended January 2, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your oldest prewrite poems and my 20th contest by stargazer..
650 points, ended April 20, 417 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Excellent write! Scene is set just perfectly with well chosen words. Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you show your work here!
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GOOD ONE !
The color, movement and imagery is very good. Clear, clean lines and a great knowledge of your subject. Descriptive and strong you turned the tables but acknowledged the ruthlessness which is sure to follow.
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this is wonderful
a story about a hunter
about lions
very good -
This poem has a sense of irony among it. Isn't so true, the hunter becomes the hunted. wonderful job explaining this.
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Very ironic, isn't yet? The hunter becoming the hunted...yes. Great write. Your rhyming was virtually flawless at every point in this. Wonderful. Good luck.
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Wow. This is really good. Thanks for entering this and good luck.
Sara -
You have fantastic imagry and plentiful knowledge on animals, both of these facts are obvious. Not often do I come across a poem about nature that tells more than "the tree is green, i love it so." I like how your stanzas and lines are so organized. You actually planned out your writing! *Gasp*. Not many people in this contest seem to be able to do that. Good luck!
-Courtney -
Hi thanks a million, bok is short steinbok a antelope of africa, hugs Di
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Thats a really cool poem and i like the implication you've used about the death of the hunter. your imagery is great and you set the scene very nicely. one question. what is a "bok"??
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This is poem..Amazed me! I Love the rhyming and you created such a vivid picture...wow...this was certinly one fo teh best enterys ive read! Good luck and Thank You!
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another great poem and an original idea.
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The hunter got his come upance and I am glad, thanks, hugs Di
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Hi Cutiepie, thanks a million, this is how I feel, I have to admit I now prefer animals to people, sad no?, hugs Di
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very vivd and inspiring in a wierd sense, hunter the hunted, and prey dies, both prey, interest outlook...over all i must say that I like it.
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Excellent
Yes it is the irony of it all that makes hunting seem a futile
waste of life..people would argue that it is necessary....I would argue that it is only man that kills for sport....I sometimes wonder if we are King of the jungle just because we can walk on two legs
I would also query the idea of superior race...certain species live in harmony...unlike many humans All that aside, I really enjoyed this look at the hunter and hunted...Brilliantly expressed!.
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Hi, thanks a million no no nuts just raw meat,what do you weigh?
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That's like...Amazing...It paints a really vivid picture...Great job...Keep it up......
~~Hey Kid Want A Nut
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Hi, thank you so much for your super critique, I'm a nature girl
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This is fabulous. I love the use of nature and the way you have incorporated here is extraordinary. there's so much emotion flowing through here, of that there is no doubt. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
~Kimberly
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Thank you for your super critique, the emotion is to see justice which is one setiment in this the 2nd the awe of beauty that you see in nature, 3rd anger that man has to kill everything in site to get a high.
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wow, this is a great write. i love the irony in it - the hunter becoming the hunted, and you really set up this piece well. excellent descriptive language and vivid imagery, and somehow a tranquil voice lingers throughout the write. i'm not quite sure what emotion this is trying to capture, but it is a beautiful write. keep it up! thank you for entering, and best of luck in the contest <33
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Hi, Thank you very much, have a great Christmas.
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Good job.
I'll bet you would love care2.com. This is quite a propos, and you have handled it well. It's a strange world we live in and the hunters are always out there thinning the herds.
Joyeux Noel, Buon Natale, Merry Christmas, Foehlich Wienachten.
Have a great day for Christmas.
Jim Dunlap
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