I
The white goddess slaughters the night sky,
A black-blue canvas, now flecked white
what is this
bliss replacing
hate
want
and
something else?
she’s ruined a masterpiece
again
and left me among the rubble
at least in the shadows I knew
I believed in
[no one]
God, your liar, this is his day
HE gave his child breath
and snatched it away
but not ONLY his
apparently.
I can
understand this
devastation, but not this gentle
something
that makes me
melt
in your arms,
like the almost once upon I time
I’d
Die
To
II
Forget
The sparkling ice
plastered to the window frame.
It veils us from
the world
but whispers
the truth.
the child in a manger
is dead
consider - the lies you feed on
are toxic.
We will all burn away in the end…
ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes
is this what you trust?
but the white goddess
gives no
reply
and I
can’t seem to
b r e a t h e
like I used to
if I could only touch your skin, I might remember
what it was
to
be
III
ALIVE
like the blood running through
your soft, blue veins
like the butterfly beat
of your eyelashes
like this ivory wrist
beneath your calloused hands
I wont try to break through your
T H I C K skin
and crawling into your
heart, your blood-bone
I will find comfort in
this:
someday - beneath the brightest star
the child in the manger
is born again.
Descending from the black sky-
the fog swirling around her-
she is bathed in light
and innocence -
and she lives in you and I.
so for now
she is only
this curtain of snow
and our kiss
Nothing more
Author notes
i fixed it. this is the final draft. i just had to wait for it to "come to me"
it still falls apart at the end... 
Written December 25th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your best poem by Sarah957.
410 points, ended January 21, 2005, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Lovely play and greeting with words. You use them well here and are a real gem. I was in a creative writing class once with this tutour who told us never to use SHARDS in a poem. I just thought "shut-up ... don't censor us". Oh well what can you do? Well done again. Tony.
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KICKASS
awesome write. its just great, beats the crap out of my poems...
dont change it by the way, its really good the way it is.
-CF -
Nice!!!
First of all I had to bookmark this because it is so enticing, I love reading this, it is very unique, engaging, has a great flow to it, nice tension, cool ass phrasings, a cool ass tone to it, and I totally agree might I say, nice imagery too. This is just a masterpiece. Great job. Thanks for sharing!!! -
I understand this with every fibre of my being, I think that it's fantastic, morbid and great!!! Very well written and very original.
***Strangeangel*** -
PS I like your use of shards. You almost won a trophy for that alone, lol.
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Forsaken angel, I am so sorry this happened. I would never have realized or even considered it was based on real life had you not included your note. This was very heartfelt, and yes written with exceptional passion and skill. Thank you for enetering
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Sweetie... you rock my world. That was awesome. You made Christmas actually enjoyable for me. And yes, your ostentatious tree... oh my goodness... I think 10 feet is really tall, but man... did you say 15 this year? I feel for you, but anyways... I'm branching off of the topic...
This was awesome. I love all of your imagery, all of the... what do you call it? I don't know... it's just so... stream of consciousness, I guess... and it just flows together and turns into this perfect, beautiful masterpiece. You rock times ten! (and that's a lot of rocking... you so beat scissors into the ground!) -
thanks for the compliment! you are one of my 2 favorite poets on this site so it means alot!
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Personally, I like it the way it is. Yea, I can see the rough being appropriate, but maybe not in the way you were thinking. It's blunt, but all those sharp edges give way to dipping curves that cradle it. I say don't screw with it, but then again, that's mostly because I think your brilliant.
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This was an outstanding piece of work! i thought it was really really good!
My favourite part was:
We will all burn away in the end…
Ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes
Is this what you trust?
How do you swallow it?
But the white goddess
gives no
answer and I
can’t seem
to
B r e a t h e
Like I used to
If I could only touch your skin, I might remember
what it was to be
ALIVE
I thought it was soooo good!!! i loved your work!!!
Keep up the great work!!!!!!!!!!! -
WOAH! THis is soooooo good!!! Man I'm totally envious. I loved the part: But for now
There is only
this curtain of snow
and our kiss... totally know how you feel
Keep up the good work!! -
It's just my opinion, and I've written worse.
I totally know what it's like to have a rough draft that seems like sort of a good idea, but at the same time sort of horrible.
I think that these (this) poem (s) are rambling, but you have a good poem in there somewhere. Sometimes it helps me if I wright the poem again on another piece of paper, and while wrighting the second copy, editing it.
Also, I think that you give away your metaphores too soon. Make the reader think!
There are a lot of details I like in the poem, and I think your main problem is that you need to pick a concrete theme.
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I say go ahead and keep the title. There's nothing wrong with it. And if you don't like it--perhaps you could give it a title that has nothing to do with it. Yes. Those are the best titles, since they make you go, "What the f---?" lol
Yes, I know.
I'm branching out. ha ha ha
Just kidding.
I like it, I do, and the use of "ostentatious." lol Good word. Miss Congeniality, that Rhode Island girl: "Oh, my parents don't like anything ostentatious. And they really don't like fire." Crack me up. Fiery!!! Yes.
Keep it up. You are giving me worthwhile things to read.
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Wow!
Your poem rhymed well and had good rythm. It was rather morbid, but very attention getting and deep. -
i agree with jgreen this poem was very vivid... and i really liked your style of writing... and trust i would write more about your poem but i am speechless... and for a rough draft this is really wicked... i mean my rough drafts are usually filled with lines that need to be rearranged and fixed... a very cool poem... oh, and good luck in the contest!
~`Sara`~ -
Very vivid and full of visuals. Awesome job! You grabbed my attention right away. Keep up the amazing work!
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I liked your style of writing it...I didn't understand it tho, lol.
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i really liked this...showed lots of emotion...good job...not your average christmas poem (we all hate those). good job. and who says it needs a title? ;-)
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I think you should title this poem "The three chapters of Christmas" either that or...ummmm...."I went blank upstairs" since you said you went blank as to the title, just a few suggestions..IM me if you want more suggestions ~Rush
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i moved it all to the left like you suggested, AbsintheMinded. thanks.
still untitled
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I see you can write a decent Christmas poem as well see ya ~Rush
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God Bless Us All
Teardrop icicles glistening the warm colors of the Christmas Tree inside. Presents beneath the tree in symbolism of presents brought to Jesus by the Three Magi. Yet, we are not Jesus and the greatest gift of all was Jesus dying for our sins. Nonetheless, isn't that in itself cause for celebration! Yes. On the attitude menu today is a smile or a frown. The choice is ours. We might not be able to choose our circumstances but we can choose our attitude towards circumstances. I don't know why but this is what your passionately written and thought provoking poem made me think of.
Godspeed and Best Wishes 24/7
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can you really slaughter the night? i bet its not really the slaughtering type. i mean, its like, not substantial. ok, yu got me i didnt read past that but i like babies in hands. nice background
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amazing!!
oh my gosh. that was SOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! i'm dieing!! had to read it twice because, well, it's just so great! seriously, it was amazing!! so, titles, let me think....
reaching for an angel
she lives through us
*a christmas angel
uh..i dont know. i'll im u if i think of nething else. well, again, OUTSTANDING write!! i love it!!!! -
This is very good and very vivid. Great description. Pretty good rough draft. I dont know of a title. Sorry. Very good poem and I lke your writing style. Keep writing.
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I liked the imagery and use of vocabulary, but the overall concept was a little over my head I guess, sorry but I didnt completely understand all of it, other than that its a pretty good piece.
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damn good
This is DAMN GOOD! I feel the first part should just all be to the left! I enjoyed this read very much! Very vivid and moving!
Thanks for sharing this and keep up the good work!
Raped of Faith
Christopher Lee Kline
AbsintheMinded
"At times one remains faithful to a cause
only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid.- Nietzsche"
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