Will I ever forget lingering horrors
Of treading through lonely, dismal corridors
Will I ever regret closing each passing open door
To cut the threads of fate, letting them glide to the floor
Relaxed, inhale
Aspirations crumble & diminish
Tensed, exhale
Addiction contorts into fetish
Longing, indeed I am left fiending
Suffering withdrawals, my undoing
Romance my obsessive drug & art
Though its aftertaste is always tart
Just a little quick prick
An addict's needed fix
Festers like digging ticks
As if tempting me to itch
Thoughts, malicous
Seek to find opiate provisions
Events, auspicious
Weaken my diming condition
Alone, I lay in wait for her
A prince in shining dirge
Shunned by love, exiled a scourge
Alone, I pray in wait for her
Sweet nectar's of her poppy flower
That once raised to her an erotic tower
Which waved submissive flags to her power
Shall forever hold the potency to make me cower
Disease, enforced
Tracks she left upon a trail of my skin
Cure, the source
Stanzas restraining infections within
As such, heroine & its thrusts still enthrall me
Each hole lets breathe my essence in blessed obscurity
Loosing protrusive words armored with chained obscenity
That hold intents to infiltrate, destroy & rebuild my moral stability
Subtle doses of her sins
Invite my tragic muses in
Obliterating the lingering
Laments of the grief stricken
And I will drive her dulled needle in
Piercing through pale, marble veined skin
To inject loves fatal poison, a narcotic potion
Only because it shall rekindle and sustain
The Blaze Once In My Veins
Author notes
Written December 25th, 2004
A contest entry
- musically inspired by Avi337.
300 points, ended December 25, 2006, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~New Options~ Need more entries! ;p Lotsa points here by CloudlessClimbs.
400 points, ended January 29, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me Break out of my Box. by GC De Piazzi.
700 points, ended March 15, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love is the slowest form of suicide... by Yours-To-Have.
500 points, ended March 22, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - x |Heroin| x by Dead Star--x.
300 points, ended April 16, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by February Moon.
1750 points, ended July 31, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me what you're made of!!! (extended 4 more days) by Wrozes Thorne.
300 points, ended August 14, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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Using love as your drug of choice and relating it to any narcotic is amazing... but then making it something as gut-wrenching as this... you're phenominal.
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this is absolutely awesome.
like lou reed, well, i mean a little worse than lou reed.
but my second favorite heroin piece ever
very aptly described the parasite/host relationship between user and drug.
dependence and addiction are such empty shades of life.
great visuals, very strong rhymes (that somehow managed to never seem forced)
excellent poem.
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Excellent
The last stanza is amazing. The love and pain you speak of is something that we all have to go through sometimes in life, but this is so beautifully and artistically written that I had to read it at least 4 times.You really deserved everything you got for this poem because it was pure genious. Everything flowed so well from one stanza to another. It was one of those poems that makes you think without even knowing it. This is so crazy, I have to add you to my favorites. If this piece was written like that, imagine the possibilities of the others you've written. I reall admire you for this piece, I didn't love from men other than my boyfriend existed anymore.
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Here's the other two I owe you
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Sorry man, I can only give one clappy guy. I only have four points left. But it deserved three(but that costs nine, you see?) Your poetic skills are amazing, and I too find drugs an amazing inspiration. Either way, just the raw weight to this piece is overbearing. A very intense write.
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This is no doubt a very "intellectual piece". At this point I am still having a bit of a hard time to sort out "WHAT" the addiction you speak off really is , for the metaphors allude to so many possibilties [each one making sense in its own way]. But I am sure that after another ead or two it will become cleare to me. The word usage would put many a writes here to shame. best wishes,
renie
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well you see this poem is really one big metaphor for the addiction of love.... how one can be drawn into it in such a way that it becomes like a drug... thanks for your comment and i shall return the favor later on today! Peace Out!!
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Amazing, congrats on the gold, you really deserved it. Each line was perfect and could stand all on its own.
Chelsea
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A very strong and powerful poem. I like the 10th verse best. Well done.
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WOW
it's strong. line 55 is my favourite and line 2 doesn't have the same pace as the rest of the poem. i find this poem dug up thoughts about my old vice, it's a bitter sweet thing. -
oh, wow, this is awsome! i feel like i'm there, or as if i'm you. i love how you put "Shunned by love" it's so great, you make it like, a dark fairytail or something like lots o' love, gooshawn <3 xoxo
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Umm... is it about love or drugs or is it using drugs as a metaphor for love? Too intellectual for moi x.o
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it was freaking powerful and deep and proved a point....i liked it alot and good luck on your contessts
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And I will drive her dulled needle in
Piercing through pale, marble veined skin
To inject loves fatal poison, a narcotic potion
Only because it shall rekindle and sustain
The Blaze Once In My Veins
a very powerful ending!! thanx for entering & good luck!
PrettyX -
Wow
You have such an amazing way with words! You managed to make this "wordy" and yet so easy to read and relate to. The verses are elegant and yet raw. This flow is what we all strive for, I think. YOu have a lovely way of getting your thoughts across to your readers, without force feeding it to them, leaving it open for personal interpretation. I will be adding you as a favorite ;p Gl in the contest ;p
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Wooot
Ack my Uncle was an Herion addict. I was sad and awful to watch someone climb as high as he did to only fall down that loney hole. I again loved the flow and rhyming so easy and unobtrusive. the lines
Alone, I lay in wait for her
A prince in shining dirge
Shunned by love, exiled a scourge
Alone, I pray in wait for her
Sweet nectar's of her poppy flower
That once raised to her an erotic tower
Which waved submissive flags to her power
Shall forever hold the potency to make me cower
rang very true. I hope this was not written of personal moments
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This really emotional but I like it. I love the message and how you said and described it
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I would love to be able to judge your poem, but first of all, it must match up to my contest rules. I'll be nice and quote them for you so you don't have to go and look them up, but be sure to reply to this and answer my questions directly or I won't be able to consider this poem for judging. First of all, here are the rules:
*I am allowing prewrites, but I don't want ones you've had in contests before, and not something terribly old. It's gotta be fairly recent. If it was written 7 months ago, please don't submit it. Six months old, no older.
*DoN't WrItE lIkE tHiS, or you will be DQ'd without any warning.
*Enter no more than two poems per poet, please.
*No bashing anything or anyone.
*Cuss words are ok, but please don't overdo it.
*Erotica is ok, but only if you're 18 or above.
*Sorry kids, but no one under the age of 13 please.
I didn't want prewrites if they had already been submitted into a contest before, as it says in the rules. Also, this poem was submitted in December of 2004. I'm beginning to think you completely ignored my rules which isn't a good sign. I'm sorry, but I cannot judge this poem because it breaks a few rules, and one that cannot be fixed [how old the poem is]. Thank you for entering, though. -
I think you deserved every applaud you received for this piece. It is very well written and the words are perfect. I have no complaints. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for entering.
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geez man, this shit is crazy. i wouldnt be suprised if you win, this shit is fucking genious. overwhelming sadness, pain, addiction, as empathetic as a punch in the face. you should definately be proud of this. great use of words my friend. the poetic world is lucky to have a lyrical genious such as yourself. keep writing!
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Nice writing
What a miraculous potency of loquaciousness and eloquence. That was a beautifully written piece. I didn't expect something like this. I respect pieces that stretch my rules so I commend you in that regard. This is really puffed up with big words. Some people I fear wouldn't be able to fully grasp the concept of pain in this. There is definite sorrow and unmistakable grieving but the pain doesn't shine through. The addiction is something that a lot of people can relate to though. The use of the language is.... impressive (and I NEVER say that). I wasn't sure if this was going to fit until about 5 stanzas in and I realized what was going on. This is a good piece of writing ripe with scorned ambition. You should be proud of this. I thank you for entering my contest. Good luck. -
Thanks for the comments every one
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I have doubt about this fitting the Contest criteria, except under ethics in philosophy as a consideration of morality. I will allow it, but the content barely fits. --Ellis
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Wow, I love it! This is an intense and visual piece...The last 2 verses are my favourites! Did I mention that it also sounds very Phantom-esque? Good luck, and thanks for entering!
Much Love,
Immortal Obscurity
Edited on Feb 15, 9:22 because ''. -
You have captured the essence of "it" perfectly...I applaud you.
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fabulous
This is fabulous. I love reading such moving poetry about something I fully understand. The metaphores were so creative, it got me thinking if the "her" you were refering to was the drug or a real women you love. it could have gone either way... this was great! i loved it, im going to go read it again!! -
who i never thought of an addiction of love like that it is an increadible poem i feel like its so good it almost doesnt deserve to be in my contest well great job i love the details and the whole thought of your addiction XOXO~katie~
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This was a long one, wow...I did like it, it was very real to me, because i've gone through some stuff like this...you hit close to home and did a good job on this...thanks for entering and good luck...
take care
-Darknes- -
Very vivid and intoxicating so much agony and abused sorrow, deep and painful to read, reminding me of past addictions, though mine were to a blade, yours soundz like something else held your heart and mind.
Powerful poem -
Excellent
addiction,at it something.
grandiose disease of terrible,pleasurable release.
wicked metaphorical analogies in this.
reminds me of my one and only liquid lover.
-cheers -
good luck!
this is really good!!
Well done! -
This is one big wonderful personification and it's WONDERFUL! Just blew me away!!!
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Wow...this was amazing...I can absolutely relate to this one...so drawn into something addicted to every aspect of it...there bering being...what they are,how they make you feel, so much like a deadly drug!!...I loved this and your metaphors and descriptions were awesome...thank you for entering...
Jessixa -
I actually had to think about what you were talking about when you used the metaphor, "her dulled needle". It could've been a literal needle on the surface, but I think it alludes to the sting of her love... something that was so addictive and alluring at one point that you craved it immensely (and to some extent, still do even though she is gone). I like how you mixed chemical substances in with your piece, although you left out a letter in the word "auspicious" (a minor oversight). Also, the alternating lengths of your lines work well here, even though for most others it probably wouldn't. Very well written piece.
I question one thing, though...why did you hyphenate 'within' in your sixth (I think it's sixth) stanza? I didn't see the need.
Wishing you well in the contest...
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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The flow of this poem... I really could feel myself inhaling and exhaling, trembling. The words you picked fit well. This was an excellent poem, and I especially liked your talk of muses near the end, because I'm so fascinated with them (my muse is Melpomene, tragic muse... very fitting here). Thanks for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
- sky -
god........ its awesome.... l like it a lot, and l am going to applaud you now ^,..,^
^,..,^Rhod^,..,^ -
great imagery and intent
"love is the drug" as brian ferry says
great piece
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wow this was a great peice of work. great job. i loved it.~Laura~
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Very lyrical and powerful...absolutely beautiful...I love the sudden change in a few of the lines...very moving...you are a great writer...very beautiful piece. I am awestruck.
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I loved the flow of this. This is one of those very sophisticated writes were you sit back and think DAMN why didnt I think of that! Nicely done! good luck!
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Interestingly, I didn't notice the rhyme in this at first a testament to the fact that it doesn't feel forced. Your words breathe and feed thought. Subtle senusality with a twist of forbidden and layers upon layers. Thanks for entering.
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What can I say that the other haven't. A beautifully written piece. Your imagry was fantastic. A great write!
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Very discriptive poem...each phrase molding into the next...great imagination...good work, thanks for sharing
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Superb, that's the only word that comes to mind.
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This is incredible. There is not a weaker stanza - or even line - in the entire piece. I love the wording and I love the style. Just beautiful; keep up the amazing work.
/jannin -
Great job, and very beautiful. I love your wording. A very powerful piece.
-The Stalked. Adam. -
nice rhyming scheme
This is a beautiful write. It flows so smoothly. The words you use to express your feelings are more than adequate, wonderful. You have some really intense imagery scattered throughout. Overall, great job.. Good luck!
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AWES
ME
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I especially like the first two lines of the first stanza; they and the background you've chosen put me in mind of Edgar Allan Poe (in the best possible way).
In the fourth stanza, second line, is "addicts" meant to be "addict's"? I really like the emotion evident in the very short words used, but I feel that this stanza would be even more powerful with the same meter in each line, like "A little quick prick / An addict's needed fix / *I don't know what* / Tempting me to itch". With the constant (and rather imaginative and eloquent) rhyme scheme that you've used, it might work out nicely to complement it by maintaining a stronger sense of meter throughout the entire poem.
I love how you've mixed stanzas with longer, explanatory lines, and stanzas with short, impactful lines together. The flow is amazing, and the poem itself is gorgeous.
One last thing, do I spy with my little eye a CKY reference hidden within? Rock on. -
Powerful very good
Will I ever forget lingering horrors
Of treading though lonely, dismal corridors
Will I ever regret closing each passing open door
To cut the threads of fate, letting them glide to the floor
I love this poem it grabbed me and kept me there it didn't get boring and left me with a lot of thoughts...I simply love it -
Wow...I thought that this piece was very interesting. It was very descriptive and I liked that about it. Congratulations on a well written poem and keep up the good writing skills. I also wish you the best of luck on other pieces of poetry that you might decide to write in the near future.
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History has taught us many things...
This poem kind of reminds me of the time I was thrown by a horse and had to have a laminectomy. Well, you know the size of a king-sized sheet, right? You try scramblind down that in the dark after a boot of scag or a snort of horse!
/humor off
As for the poem itself, it's simply amazing. Your use of metaphor is exquisite, and you write so fluidly and eloquently. I especially like your imagery, which is absolutely peerless: "marble veined skin", "opiate provisions"--such vivid yet obscure. And your word choice--wow! Great job; I applaud! -
Good job on the rhyme scheme...good luck on the rest of the mess.
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Wonderful poetry, there are so many lines in this which are striking, I don't think I can name all of them. I liked the flow of it as well, and how you worked the rhyming and structure. I loved the use of vocabulary. Well done, keep writing xXx
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Addictions can be tricky I 'spose. Good luck to you. I liked this a lot, you did a good job.
-Julia -
This is excellent.great use of metaphor,layers of it.I hear layers of strings,lilting violins, and snarling guitars.I danced with this particular beast for a while waaay back in the day.Killer peice!,and good luck.
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I must say grade A talent to write something as masterful as this. Yes, it is tragic and well, the emotion behind it stood clear.
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Yes drugs and such are dangerous enemies cloaked as friends when we use them until they take over and ravage our souls. Even with all this they are not as dangerous as people who serve the same purpose in that they make you feel wonderful and finally complete and then destroy you. Drugs don't lie at least.
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Great!
Hmmm.., a life of sex, drugs and rock & roll?
A familiar memory for Ancientson, a blues guitarist.
My Les Paul weeps for this piece!
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brilliant
Brilliant, it is so well written,tragic but true.keep writing I shall be back to read more. -
The grade "A" product of a grade "A" poet, nice rhyme schemes...a clear message..one to which i believe I can relate. Excellent job....continue with the great work, or you will surely perish.
Edited on Dec 25, 2:12 because ''.
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