Charlie devastating Hurricane
Caused my wife and me much pain
Hitting town with a roar
Demolished our garage door
Continuing for hours to rage
Demolished completely the pool cage
Off the roof lifted many a tile
On the grass did shatter and pile
In the house the roof did leak
Another shelter we had to seek
Sliding doors blown down and what's more
Soaked ceilings collapsed on the floor
Prized possessions were broken or defaced
Things that can never be replaced
I guess that in a way we are charmed
For physically we remain unharmed
Mentally it has taken its toll
Will we ever be completely whole.
Author notes
Harrowing experience.Option 2.
Written December 22nd, 2004
A contest entry
- OPTIONS CONTEST!!!!!!..................... For Everyone by Heavens Child.
500 points, ended March 4, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options! Prewrites allowed! by reckless abandon.
390 points, ended July 14, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Natural disasters! by mwilson50.
900 points, ended June 19, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nature's Disasters...Big Points by Nicole Alexander.
1000 points, ended July 27, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry: Write on a natural disaster: Contest #193 (Winkling motivated) by Andantino.
1750 points, ended October 29, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I'd say this was a disastrous
situation for you and your family. I hope life has improved since then.
Your "concrete" detail of what was destroyed makes this poem effective.
I wonder if you could change one of the instances where you used the word "demolished" to a different word, such as "destroyed" or "pulverized" for example.
In order to rhyme, you "turned" a number of your phrases, so the rhyme seems a little forced. Writers of old hymns were known to do this. It's a bit archaic, IMHO. Stanza 2 exhibits this tendency:
"Off the roof lifted many a tile - Many tiles lifted off the roof,
On the grass did shatter and pile - shattered and piled on the grass.
In the house the roof did leak - The roof leaked inside the house
Another shelter we had to seek" - so we sought another shelter.
The way this is related, with rhyme, in this stanza. is achieved through un-English reversal that are a thing of the past and then in indifferent poems.
Danni
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You have captured a powerful personal experience here, dear poet. I can only hope that out of such misfortune some good has come; like this wonderful poem (though whether a poem is worth such pain is ultimately up to you
)
I wish you all the best.
Zach Estel.
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Good rhymer
A few lines may have been a bit forced, but the fact that this was a personal experience really stands out. You've been scarred by misfortune, it seems - we are all changed by our experiences in some way. Thank goodness that you were not harmed yourselves. Possessions can always be replaced. Thanks for entering! -
What a strong, and hard experience. This is a great poem to describe that. Thanks for entering the contest!
-KP] -
What a devestating experience this must of been, one of which I can't even phathom so I won't tell you I understand what it's like. Very deep and emotion, well done. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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Glad you're OK
We learn through this event you described so vividly, that great value is not gained in possessions nor even memories; but in our abilities to make harbor in one another. -
I thought of you when I didnt see you here , cause its not like you not to post each day or mostly daily. I thought or wondered if something happened to you. Im sorry you had some looses of personal things. But I am glad you are still alive Gramps.....((((((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))))
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