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Transition

Stays hiding
Peering over
Shaking arms
Tired eyes
Cry razorblades
Death beckons
Heart bleeds
Feels darkness
Destroying light
Serotonin levels
Beyond repair
Pain addiction
Pulling through
Inner self
Turning blue
Surfacing now
For evermore
Original self
Exiting door
Here she comes now
Get ready to greet
The one and only
Darker side of me

Author notes

December 21
02:35 GMT

Who am I? You shall see...

[Written at a time when I felt my darker personality resurfacing]

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Fr33BirdFaLLin
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting, good job and thanks for entering.

  • XxLucifersXBridexX
    December 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is very good, i like it , and i like that darker side of u
    thank you for entering, good luck in my contest
    jane

  • Wynd
    September 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I find this to be a thought-provoking poem
    Images 'pop out' at the reader and then evokes a feeling of angst...as though the reader is able to feel the writers emotional state at the time...

    maybe play around with the beginning...the first 6 lines or so...perhaps start with 'Death beckons' ... this may grab the readers attention sooner

    ~mere suggestion~

    Well done!


  • September 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    it is a very dark poem that seems to leave a light at the end--(of the tunnel). I liked the brief lines and the only comments which I can make as the run of "ing" endings, especially at the onset of the poem. Also, the "heart bleeds" is something so poetically overused. overall, good poem.

  • OurxBeginning
    September 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is awesome, I like dark writes, and this was wonderful. Great job, and keep up the good work.

    ~MxR

  • DevilsWrongHand
    December 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    nice write

    Definitive Freak,
    This is a very dark write...I love it but it seems like something is wrong. If you need to talk, I will be here for you, I will return to AP on the 3rd of Jan. So maybe the holiday's will brighten up your spirits! Love you sis
    XOXO
    ~laura

    P.S. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (if i haven't told u already)

1 - 6 of 6