A light embrace
like static,
it's anaphylactic
Touch me here,
a button pressed
explosive
A dim silhouette
just a permanent grey
of someone I met
Counter clockwise
I spin in an oval chair
crazed and dazed, a sundial
an arrow pointing there
I am in a dire symphony
an anti-climatic melody
with voodoo bells
firing and clanking
of shot gun shells
while shaking an angry
fist in the air
I am in
infidelity
Author notes
Infidelity screams a dire symphony
Written December 20th, 2004
A contest entry
- All Things and Everything by Darkmoon.
665 points, ended November 14, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This was very interesting. And good. Thank you for the entry and good luck.
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I can see why this piece is your favorite, it is beautiful.
The style in which you write is automatically something I like, and then the words all flow so well together.
Wish my stuff did that...
Great job.
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This may be an old piece but it is wonderful. I noticed a few people saying your ideas for this piece were not cohesive and it pure bs. You should tell people that if they want to show off how stupid they are they should do it on there own page....hehehe
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thank you so very much, it has been awhile since someone commented on this. It's definitly my best piece by far
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nice use of words this is a very nice poem good luck in the contest
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thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it. thanks for wishing me luck, but I doubt i will need it
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"I am in a dire symphony
an anti-climatic melody"
I love those lines. So poetic!
This piece is very unique and very well worded. I can understand that it has become this popular. It's amazing! -
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Snow White Queen
thank you very much...I agree with you..this is my most popular piece for a good reason, it is also my personal favorite, and it's the piece I am the most proud of. Especially since it only took me 5 minutes to write it.
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I ask that you please provide an option choice and I will comment when you do so. If this is not done within 24 hours this contest poem will be deleted.
Thank you. -
WOW
very pretty and fast paced.fun read and a wonderfully written master piece!! -
interesting
A most intruiging write I must say
A little confusing..but nevertheless...
It gave me an overwhemling sense to cry, I like when poems can touch deep and make me feel different emotions
Espacially when they confuse me lol
Very interesting piece
Keep up the fantastic work
Stay safe -
yes I like to write differently than everyone else it is how I seperate myself from the mundane and the ordinary...and thusly become EXTRAORDINARY>
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i have never read any thing like this before,
i mean abstract i did like it though
just had to read it like five times(no im not blonde)
anywayz nice write.
Gipsy~
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i was not comparing the light embrace to the bee as though I was getting a light embrace from a bee...I was comparing the stinging sensation that you sometimes get from being in love, and being hurt to that of a bee sting...a sting that had an anaphylactic reaction, and it was shocking like static electricity.
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A dim silhouette
just a permanent grey
of the woman I met
this is by far the best stanza...and I think you lose a little in the fourth
a mention of the bee sting would help, but I have never had a light embrace from a bee
have a good one Rush -
thank goodness for people like you image and visions...I'm glad you liked it. ~Tl
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truly, I like the way it was told almost in abstract in place or to bring the message screaming back to the front. I also like the free style of relating this. You're also right, the artist take other peoples stories and relates and retells those feeling and stories in a dramatic way. good write. iamge and visions
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I'm just describing her touch to that of a bee sting Muddy...in my opinion that is the best part..it is what makes this poem what it is.
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don't get the allergic reaction part..the rest is good...I don't see Dali either
art mimicking art
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You might want to watch the personal attacks, buddy. This is about poetry, not your pride. And besides, there's not exactly right or wrong in poetry, just opinions. It's art. So settle down.
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I don't care how much applause you got. I'll telling you what I think. You posted it for all to see.
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This is pretty melodramatic, and a little too abstract for me to get much of it. I think you might need to connect your ideas a little bit more to make it easier for your reader. Just letting you know.
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wow, what a great poem, I love all the describing words and stuff. It's a marvelous description of infidelity. You do an amazing job with this, keep it up!!!
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Would you like for me to explain it a little better? Or do you think it sounds better when it is a mystery. Myself I like mysterious things...which is why I write in such a surreal and abstract manner. Either way I am glad you enjoyed ~James aka Loothy
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Awesome =))
This is amazing.
I'm not even sure if I understood it completely, but I felt it, which is even better.
Such a beautiful write, you write amazingly, keep it up<3 -
that is because sometimes infidelity can be tempting, especially in a long distance relationship, or when you just can't see eachother very much. No one likes to be alone afterall. Except for like hermits
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Very Good
Forgive me if my comment seems abrupt and hurried; I have over a hundred entries to comment on and I hope that you will understand
. So few words and yet you have conveyed a strong feeling toward the reader. I absolutely love the way you have described infidelity; almost like a wild roller coaster ride. Even though infidelity is wrong, this piece makes it tempting in a way. A very well written write this is. Thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest. Keep writing...
~^~Shab~^~
Edited on Jul 13, 1:51 p.m. because ''. -
yeah like I have said a thousand times before I don't really agree with infidelity either...but a true artist writes about other peoples feelings and experiences. I try to wal ka mile in others shoes.
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Very interesting take on an old, yet still very popular, subject. Seems infidelity never grows out of style in theory or in practice as you have written here. Thanks for sharing a different look at a mostly taboo subject.
Lily -
Interesting; i think I am a little tired because this didn't quite add up for me; but I don't mean to be offensive - I am burnt out, and eyes only skimmed over however as it is a featured item, i felt compelled to leave a comment it appears to be popular so when i am more awake, i will return and read again!
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very original and rhythmatic.
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This was GREAT!!! I was so not expecting the end, and then BAMN it hit me. WOW!! I am glued to this spot with utter amazement.. Iwill never cheat and never have. I do not believe in it no matter how bad someone wants to.. Never ever! I feel that if you must sleep with someone else then there is no need to be with the person you are with and you should call it off before you wander. The end consequenses and the temporary pleasure is never worth the pain it will cause. This piece, however still entranced me. It was gorgeous because it was so unique and you pulled the reader in making them wonder what they were being led to and then you simply placed the answer out there for them so beautifully. I applaud you for this work of art, even if it revolves around something I will never agree with.
Amy -
Great peice
WOW!!! this is agreat piece it has wonderful rythm and rhyme. -
Brilliant! Shot gun shell, infidelity, brilliant! .
Edited on May 21, 3:26 p.m. because 'Punctuation'. -
"A dim silhouette
Just a permanent grey
Of the woman I met"
This poem was truly beautiful, though it left me feeling sad. I loved the word usage here, and the way you placed your line breaks. Great job. -
wow this was a popular poem i neva get this much feedback lol anyway i thought this was a great poem
well done keep up the great writing
live long eat cheese x x x -
yeah I have never been infidelic either. But in my opinion a true artist writes about other people's possible experiences and walks a mile in their shoes. When I just talk about my feelings it is boring and has been done countless times before so I create something new, and fresh.
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ooh I like it
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WONDERFUL POEM
Oh this is a beautiful poem. I could never be infidelic on the one I truly love. Would not make sense to be with someone else. Awesome write and I thank you for sharing. A pleasure to read. Take care, Sandy -
Excellent!!! The power of every word, the energy, the multiple comparisons, some funny, some melodic, some over flowing with strength! Brilliant write, relatable to and very straight forward, amazing in the feeling it leaves. I am sorry you have had trouble with your works, this poem shows you have a lot of talent. I guess it happens. Anyway, I am gonna read more of your stuff, cos this poem has caught my attention.
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excellent
This is brilliant. I loved the way you have written this and you describe infidelity well (not that I am..but can imagine lol) but the "static" as you say, the excitement, then the other side of it..liferipping and 'angry"
Excellent work
~Aurine~ -
WOW! What a great poem, the images you use are not only powerful and vivid but NOISY! It really helps with the meaning of the poem, i believe you wrote it in under 7 minutes. It has a certain raw, emotional feel to it that can sometimes be lost when work is over edited. Maybe the fact that it wasn't planned means that it is a recording of a thought process that the reader can follow with you, a fab write, i really enjoyed reading it, thank you for posting!
Mim x -
actually it's not any personal feelings at all...I have never felt the urge to be infidelic. I never cheat on my lovers. I stick by them and hold their hands all the time. I am a very cuddley type of person..even though I don't always show it. I feel I need 'touch' all of the time. I'm hopelessly romantic..so I would never be consumed by infidelity. This was written for the people that DO feel like they belong to no one.
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Well, yes it is a nice poem. SOunds like a lot of personal feeling to me. Granted, it does entertain, and you have chosen some great metaphors.. Good work.
John. -
thank you very much, I was hoping that you could find room in your heart for this poem. ~TL
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meh, it's alright..my entire life I have been overlooked and not apprieciated as much as I should have been. All throughout high school especially. I am the nerd and geek that none of the girls would date because they were afraid what would happen to their reputation. I was always a loser and outcasted from normal society, so I am used to it..
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Well Done
All the above and more - wonderful, strong, melodic and touching. I am sorry that you have not been appreciated as much as you should be here at AP, therefore, since I am point shy myself, I will at least give you a well deserved applause on this poem. -
excellent
Super! Super! What a description! -
good!!
i loved it. you did a good job. i don't think i would change a thing. you have talent and this poem shows it. never stop writing.
tragediey-stricken
Edited on Jan 26, 10:55 because ''. -
oh, wow that would be one of the greatest honors ever, no one has ever featured my work for me before..it would help a lot because I don't have ver many points. I always spend them all, and a lot of people don't even comment on my featured poems or applaud them (because they are simple minded fools that don't understand depth)
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Well it is astounding my friend, and if you don't mind...may I feature this work for you?
~Sherry~
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yes, this is definitly my best poem of all time. I was in shock even after I had wrote it. For I didn't even know where I was going when I started it...but after I had read what I had wrote at the beginning it sort of fell together..and I concluded logically what kind of symphony it truly was. To me the beginning is soft and opening and the part you like most is my favorite too, because it is kind of like the 'climax' of the whole tale. The exciting part that leads to the perfect ending. Believe it or not I wrote this poem in under 7 minutes. ~TL
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TL,
This is pure genuis.
Brilliance personified!!
I love this...it's explosive!!
This part is amazing;
'I am in a dire symphony
An anti-climatic melody
With voodoo bells
Firing and clanking
of shot gun shells
While shaking an angry
fist in the air'
Bravo, my friend, bravo!!
~Sherry~
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James, I can tell you with unfortunate honesty that I have been the victim of this horrid act! More than once in fact. You've expressed yourself well, and animated a human behavior. Those that commit it have no idea how much damage it causes, for those of us who have fallen victim, are rarely ever the same again.
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thanks..I am glad you enjoyed it..especially after what u said about rhyming...but then again I didn't rhyme every line in this poem, and the parts I did rhyme atleast fit it perfectly. Thanks for reading and commenting ~TL
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WHOO HOO, EXCELLENT WRITE I must say. Good job. I guess a multitude feels the same way. A distinguished writer you are. Good luck in the contests
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This is absolutely amazing. It was so powerful and enigmatic!! It's as if I could ACTUALLY hear a symphony while reading it. I love how from the beginning to the end it's like one giant crescendo that leads to one big blast of emotion that leaves you thinking and pondering upon what you just read, and what it means! Congratulations on an absolutely outstanding piece of art!!
Brandon
Edited on Jan 07, 4:38 p.m. because 'misspeling!'. -
this is for all the people who feel this way...I myself have never really felt very infidelic...I've never been married and I've only cheated on one of my girlfreinds..but it wasn't sex..it was a kiss...but there was problems in that relationship because of the distance. Anyways I'm blabbing on. Ih ave no need to feel what my poems say...if you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes you aren't a real poet in my opinion. I try to reach out to my readers that is all.
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wait- are you saying that you yourself are, or are you saying this as if you were the element and it was not you saying it was what you were
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This is really good. I like how you didn't use too many words, but they still said so many things. It was interesting, made me want to read it a few times. I like it, I like it a lot. Good job. I'll give you another applause to add to your collection.
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thank you very much, i'm glad to see someone finally apprieciating good work..it's been awhile since I got an applause on this..you should tell your friends about this poem, I think everyone should get a chance to experience its beauty
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so simple..and complex. u did a great job....it doesnt flow like most poems...but it still is wonderful. just feeling the emotion behind each sentence. yeah..i cant explain myself, but i hope you get teh idea. it was great!
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it's not really that difficult...the words are all there for you to manipulate and use to your will you just gotta weave them into creation. In order to create a masterpiece you must set aside all of your personal feelings..and write how someone else is feeling...walk in someone else's shoes. I for one have never felt infidelity...I have never been one to cheat..I merely wrote about it because ido not believe in setting limits for myself..I like to think I can write about anything..therefore I did. Not everyone has the same talents. You cannot have my talents because they are mine..and I cannot have your talents because they are yours. Thank you for your applause. If you like this piece, I strongly suggest you read the following poems which are all in my allpoetry gallery. "Painting on the Wall" "Touch Your Wish" "Intense Frigid Cold" "Not To Worry" "What I saw in Infinite Mirrors" "Robbers" and maybe "Daisies" if you're feeling extra spunky.
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great
i love the flow of this one. its really inspiring.
good job -
Good luck in the contest. Absolutley brillant poem. You made is flow so well. Keep up the great work and I hope to read more of your poems soon. You are a very talented writer who expressess their words like candy
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Wow, pretty awesome. Truly a poetic description of infidelity. This one deserves an applaud. Why can't I have talent like yours?
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great piece hope it does great in the contest thanks for sharing and keep up the great work
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Wonderful! I really adored these lines...
With voodoo bells
Firing and clanking
of shot gun shells
While shaking an angry
fist in the air
^_^
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Wonderful! I really adored these lines...
With voodoo bells
Firing and clanking
of shot gun shells
While shaking an angry
fist in the air
^_^
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good
This is an intresting poem, with intresting ideas, but I'm afraid its not exactly what I was looking for. I kinda wanted poems that were simple while being complexe, but a lot of what I seem to be getting are complexe poems that after a while become simple. Its cool, and it seems like you put a lot of work in it. Keep trying. -
thank you so very much
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Can I just add that I wish you the best of luck in the contest
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Charming
I love the imagery you employ in this piece. You draw in the reader and keep them captivated by your charm. I really like this well done and keep em coming. Oh by the way this is my favourite today -
thank you very much for noticing the brilliance in this piece..not many people seem to really get it sometimes..so I am glad that you apprieciate it as much as I do..thank you for your comment. I am very flattered and honored to have entertained you.
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nothing truer have i ever seen or read... i could hear the words spoken in my minds by some voice in the distance.. i liked this....
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nice
Short but nice hon keep up the gud work and hope you do gud on the contest -
that was really good
i really enjoyed reading this
nice flow too!
A good and short poem you got there!
Keep on writing!!! -
Like playing Russian roulette - not sure where the gun will point or it will be a blank or not. Sorry to have checked it out twice, but liked it better the second time around. Well written.
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Dire, to and be sure.
Bittersweet as well.
I really like this! You paint such wonderful word pictures.
I have a poem about a Concerto, if that makes any difference, but it's not metaphorical to any degree whatsoever.
Still and all, you've done good here. -
Very creative piece you have written here.
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Anaphylactic
Oh rush aka truly, this is absolutely wonderful ... it captures the sexual tension and humor "anaphylacticly"
There isn't a thing trite about it ... except that it's a common human emotion ... ain't that what writers write about
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I must admit I agree with Nearlycivilized. I didn't know what anaphylactic ment until today. You learn something new all the time I guess.
Great write, I've never cared much for rhyming patterns, and seeing as some of my favorite poems don't even rhyme it wouldn't matter to me, but I really like this poem. You did very well, good luck!
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subtlety is not in my vocabulary..I am not one for it at all.
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Pretty good, it took me a while to get the rhyming pattern down, but it was very well done. I have never seen Infidelity, but perhaps I should now. Very good write. Good luck in the contest!
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anaphylactic ralates to static electricity and anaphylactic shock (which is the reaction you get from a bee sting or something else equally allergic which forms an allergic reaction that is visable) {basically}...look up the real definition on www.m-w.com for further and more correct analyzation.
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Wow, I really liked this. Everything works and seems so perfect from the few words that rhyme to the word Anaphylactic.. which I have no idea what it means. Great write!
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beautiful poem. this was written very well. it rhymedwell flowed great and had good rhythm. agian you did an excellent job on it. keep up the good work.
Jenna -
this is a very creative powerfully written poen that with so few words have said alot good job
love and light
blaze -
Very nice and creative. I loved what you did here. I enjoyed reading it and thought it was wonderful. Thanks for sharing your work.
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This wasn't what I expected when I clicked on the link and I'm glad to say that it's so much more. The complexity of the write but still so simple, was an amazing touch. I loved the form and structure, your use of language and thought out lines were perfect. Honestly this left me speechless. I also wouldn't worry about Yossarian, he just seems to leave comments like this on everyone work. I hope to read more from you soon hun, and feel free to check out any of my writings. It would be greatly appreciated. Keep writing, -Heather
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beautifully done, nice form and structure, I would not worry about Yossarian when he uses "you're" when he means "your" But I do think a poem can be somewhere between crap and perfection, very few poems are in fact perfection, remember the Paul Valery quote "A poem is never finished, only abandoned"
Edited on Jul 12, 9:46 because ''. -
Pretty good. The images seemed a tad trite at times, but that's forgivable. You put them together well. You're language, however, was excellent. Very sophisticated. All in all, a fair read, which perhaps loses points for being a bit overwrought. I would recommend playing a bit with the metaphorical aspect of those images...a little bit of subtlety would help in this particular piece.
Cheers,
Yossarian
Edited on Jul 11, 6:08 p.m. because ''. -
I liked the rhymes, the innovative rhythm, and the great expression in this piece.
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This was not what I expected and am glad to say that you went beyond those expectations with the last two lines. I am now in shock at what you have created here, the emotions, the spatial elemental moments, and just the picture you have painted for this loaded situation. I am very impressed...thank you for sharing this, and I look forward to reading more of your work after fully absorbing this one with further rereading.
~Nymph -
Interesting, cleverly written, very effective. Sad, great write...beautifully written, I especially liked the line:
'I am in a dire symphony'
Dark and intelligent...I loved the imagery you created in this poem. -
i liked how it was very complex and just BAM, in a good way of course. I think it was a pretty good write. Good job
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i really like how this is complex, yet very simple at the exact same time, very nice work, keep it up and all that
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go to www.m-w.com (merriam webster online) your dictionary probably is not on college level. Which is what you need.
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Interusting. I'm not sure what to think of it. It doesn't make much sense to me, but that is just me, a young, inexperianced writer. Quite a few large words... Had to find a dictionary... It didn't help much. Oh well, it was cool anyway.
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