My beloved life, when you leave me
journeying into unknown realms,
and your old nemesis, Time runs
like always, his version of marathon race,
How much of me will others remember?
How much will be buried forever?
As Time sports diverse avatars of seasons
and fresh memories sprout on jagged trunks,
Will others’ recollections of me be consigned
to a closet, like a quilt in tropical climes?
Faded, jaded, worn out,
by moths of forgetfulness and disuse,
Will they be as precious as before
or will they be vestiges of once-upon-a-time?
If I live a life of no distinction,
Unseen and unknown, like some philosophers’ dream,
Like a nameless star in a star-spangled sky,
or a whiff of a fragrance in a perfumery,
Like a leaf lost in a verdant canopy,
or a snowflake upon a snow-capped hill,
Will those whose lives I touched
embrace me with the same esteem?
Or will I be but a sack of diminishing memories,
Memorabilia preserved on minds’ mantle piece,
till Time or expediency render me worthless
and relegate me from others’ consciousness?
Author notes
Yesterday, I attended the centenary celebrations of the late grandfather of my cousins( He died at the age of 86, 14 years back). These thoughts flashed through my mind, as I heard the speakers share their faint recollections of the man. When we die, we live only in the memories of others. Not all of us can hope to leave a legacy of greatness behind us. Memory fails or fresh memories jostle with the old ones for the same mind space. Then, what becomes of our joys, our pains, our struggles, and our lives? We are a sack of diminishing memories that others carry for some time.
Written December 19th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Yes, it's true most of us will disappear in time. Remembered at first by those who loved and miss us but as they too die those memories will fade until we are gone forever.
All the more reason to make the most of the short time we have here don't you think?
-
No matter how big the legacy you leave behind they are still a sack of diminishing memories.It is just a matter of time before we completely cease to be.Not a discernible trace of us anywhere...That realization alone should make us a lot wiser and ease our 'grips' on life so to speak.Loved the idea and the way you have chosen to express it. Off now to make some hay while the sun shineth.....
PS: Do you always get so many 'techie' comments...... -
looks like you got some good feedback on this one.
i think i worry less and less about this sort of thing as time goes on. as a child, i wanted to live forever; as a teen, i wanted to make a mark that would influence all the ages to come; as a young adult, i wanted my story to be told so that the time and energy i've put into it would somehow seem more worth it; now, as a thirtysomething, i find i'm no longer interested in living forever, leaving a mark or telling my story. what i am interested in doing is teaching on certain levels, not so that i will leave a mark or be remember, but so i can maybe feel like i did something relatively worthwhile while i was here.
the thought in your poem that seemed to work the best was your vestige line, but "vestige" is a good word to use figuratively so that it creates some emotive image. for instance:
or will they just be obscure and crumbling vestiges?
-
Wonderful piece..........Has just come on the news the earthquake,if you need anything let me know, I am here if you need me.courage.
-
Okay, in that case:
like some philosophers’ dream... if you are referring to dream as a verb rather than a noun, then you do not need an apostrophe at all.
Memorabilia preserved on minds’ mantle piece,... in this one, you may very well be referring to the "minds of relatives, friends etc" but mantle piece is singular, and therefore it should read mind's, unless you change it to minds' mantlepieces. They either have to both be plural or both be singular.
Merry Christmas... I have to go stuff stockings.
-
Thank you for your comprehensive comments. I found some of them useful. Philosophers’/ minds’- I am referring to more than one philosopher and minds of relatives, friends etc. I am familiar with W.H. Auden’s “The Unknown citizen” but the essential idea in my poem is different from his. I alluded to Alexander Pope (In case, you missed it).
"Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie."
Regarding the similes: I agree they may not be original and I will keep your suggestion in mind in future. I used them to suggest the idea of one among many of similar ilk. Hence, the references to a star in a star-spangled sky, whiff of a fragrance in a perfumery full of scents, snowflake on a snow-capped hill etc. Some of your suggestions do not jell with what I intended to say and I let them be.
Thank you once again. I appreciate your comments. Happy new year.
krishna
-
I like the idea you have here. The idea of whether or not we will be remembered has caused many a poet to ponder with their pen. James Joyce said that he put so many enigmas into his writing that it would keep scholars and professors busy arguing over what he had meant for centuries.
First of all, to be buried implies that it is beneath something, so buried beneath is redundant. Buried eternally would work much better.
Faded, jaded and worn out,
by moths of forgetfulness and disuse,… this would read better if you deleted the first “and” and punctuated it this way:
Faded, jaded, worn out,
by moths of forgetfulness and disuse,
Will they be as precious as in the past… you could eliminate the prepositional phrase “in the past” by rewording this:
Will they be held precious,
or become vestiges of once-upon-a-time?… this way the assonance between precious and vestiges works better.
philosophers’ should be philosopher’s
minds’ should be mind’s
You missed a great opportunity to allude to W H Auden’s The Unknown Citizen.
http://allpoetry.com/poetry/14441
You have some good images, but the similes made me cringe:
Like an obscure star in a star-spangled sky,
or a whiff of fragrance in a perfumery,
Like a leaf lost in a verdant canopy,
or a snowflake upon a snow-capped hill,… why use the word snow twice in this sentence? Why not: A single flake on the mountain’s cap.
First of all, “star-spangled” is cliché. And why does the star have to be obscure? Why not: like a star lost among millions
or a whiff of fragrance in a perfumery,… scent is indeed powerful at bringing up old memories, but why does this have to be in a perfumery? How many of us are going to find ourselves in one? Why not make it something that we can all relate to? A familiar scent on a fall afternoon.
You should keep modifiers to a minimum. Don’t overwrite, overstate or overdescribe. When you absolutely must use an adjective, reach for one that’s unique and has an impact. Resist stating what’s obvious: Of course the sea is blue and the sky is star-spangled. If you’ve heard or read it before, don’t use it.
Edited on Dec 24, 1:16 because ''. -
Aren't we all just a sack of diminishing memories? Not me, my deep, meaningful poetry will live on for ever (Much coughing, followed by some weezing and vomiting)! I really liked this piece, I think a lot of people can relate to a feeling of worthlessness or the thought that nothing they do really matters. Good job with this.
-
Wow I really liked this piece, you did a suburb job. If only all poets (Including me) could do something this good. congrats and keep up the good work.
P.S. Merry Christmas! -
Sadly enough, I think you are very right in what you say. Few of us leave great legacies. Even the more famous ones from days past, aren't given recognition while they lived, only after they were gone for a period of time. Although, this isn't what you were saying. I guess I would have to go along with what the Bible says, lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and dust don't collect. Nice, thought provoking write you gave us.
-
Wow, this is great, I love how you wrote it, so very descriptive. My favorite lines for some odd reason were:
Will those whose lives I touched
embrace me with the same esteem?
Or will I be but a sack of diminishing memories,
I guess I feel this way sometimes, if I will be remembered, or the person I like, thinks of me when I'm not around... -
A quilt in tropical climes, that's so superb an image. Likewise that whiff of fragrance. So much of this poem has incredible metaphoric weight, in fact. The philosophy is delivered in a way that anyone could empathize. This is fantastic!
-
thought provoking
A "sack of diminishing memories", how true, how true. When we leave this worldly existence, we are nothing but a notion in a few peoples heads, sad, but true.
And, even if live good lives, lives that should leave postitive impressions in the minds of others, it is not necessarily so. As Marc Antony said in his eulogy of Caesar in Shakespeares "Julius Caeasar", "the evils men do lives after them, the good, is oft interred with their bones".
And so it is with us, the few bad things we may have done in our lives are easily recalled, while all the wonderful things we may have done are too easily forgotten. Shamefully, we focus on the negative.....and I am not without guilt, myself. I too am guily of remembering the wrong things about those I have lost, particularly my oldest son, who killed himself some 15 years ago. It seems I can only remember the last years of his life, when he was ravaged by drugs and suffering from delusions. Every once in a while I have to take out some childhood pictures of him to remind myself that he wasn't always that way........
Anyway, your write here has provoked my thought processes very much, needless to say. A "sack of diminishing memories"? Yes, and I wonder what will be in my sack, as you do.
Thank you for this, I thouroughly enjoyed it.
Brazos
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
8 old applause
