Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

She told him...

Missing image

 




She told him that she couldn’t love again

 

That loss, had stopped her heart just like a clock

 

She feared the pain so fiercely held within

 

and added that her love was like a rock

 


He told her, that he didn’t think it true

 

for love is not so jagged; broken; scarred

 

He poured his love so that he might renew

 

faith to a heart that had so long been hard

 


She told him that his love was wasted there

 

and he may as well have poured it on the sea

 

But he cried for all her pain and her despair

 

and swore his heart would never set her free

 


He told her that his love was like a stone

 

and that it would forever withstand time

 

she had been feeling (God) oh so alone

 

and at his words her heart began to chime

 


She told him that love is a fragile thing

 

and men don’t often reckon up the cost

 

Of heartache that to her it’s death would bring

 

and next time that her soul, would too be lost

 


He told her that he’d surely sooner die

 

as he wept for all she’d suffered in the past

 

then to ever have his heart, her love deny

 

and she opened up and loved again, at last

 



Patricia Gibson-Williams

 

December 16, 2004

Author notes

For my Joe… whose love revived me.

I know I rhymed (I didn't plan to, but once I started this poem just wrote itself) let me know if it seems forced.  Patti
Written December 16th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • sleeping dragon
    January 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow,very good poem..lot of ametures here,sometimes its hard to give positive feedback,but I can be honest here and say that I like this poem very much!!

  • malvadadiosa
    January 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.Very nice poem.I like it a lot.It's very nice,almost like it was written for someone.Well,I guess it was.I feel stupid now.Keep up the good work.


  • LeilaJayne
    January 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    WOW, that poem is brill, its so deep, please cud u check out sum of my poems. By the way, the way i write poems is, well they just seem to appear and once ive written them i dont change them.

  • anthonylee
    January 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Not forced at all
    I fancy this very much so

    a.l.w.
    Edited on Jan 01, 8:48 p.m. because ''.

  • beloved hate
    December 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    very nice job!

    i love this poem
    i liked the picture at the top, too, it was def a nice touch!
    thanks for sharing this piece -- i only found the rhyme
    slightly forced at a few little spots... but the rest of it was fine
    don't even worry!
    thanks again for posting this, it's a great read
    -- bebe

  • Joshuacrisel
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Loved this you havea really great talent and I will read some more of your poems soon this was a raelly good write can't wait to read more
    Joshuacrisel


  • stolen fairy
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem so much, it reminds me of how i was with my last love in the beginning... very beautiful imagery and emotions. Excellent effort.
    ps... love the pic!
    ~tara
    Edited on Dec 17, 2:36 because 'I liked the pic... hehe'.


  • Steven Morris
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! I klove the background also. Love is such an open subject to write about. So many cracks and crevices to cover. Everyone with their own story and experiences, and everyone with their own way and format of expressing it. Very well done--Steve


  • poeticweaver gold member
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I for one enjoyed the flow, and felt you expressed your thoughts well...

    Thanks for sharing, and I wish you all the best within this contest as well...

    Great write!

    -Timothy


  • onerios13
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aww...this was just enchanting! lol I usually am not a fan of rhymes, but I thought you did an outstanding job in making this sound as smooth as a freshly washed pebble and the flow was that of meandering stream on a lazy summer afternoon...lol. Very impressive and touching, my heart melted along the with the lines so rich in adoration and grace. Wonderful!

  • Lil Wolfie
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It think it was beautiful, and so was the rhyming! ^__^ Great and amazing poem!


  • sweetestkiss1985
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    special

    I think that this poem rocks!!!!! It is passionate and so deep. I love it and you wrote it perfectly. Job well done and a dozen roses for a perfect poem.

    Rebekah


  • AngelSeeker silver member
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Yes I wrote this in the last few hours. As soon as I saw the contest I knew I wanted to write something for it. It was going to be a sad poem. LOL I seem to be standing in a vortex of creative ideas right now, I’ve posted 3 poems that I’ve written in the last 24 hours. I can’t seem to stay away from my keyboard. I wish I could mete them out over time or save a few for the days or weeks that sometimes pass without inspiration. I’m glad that you like my poem. Patti

  • Katrina Armour
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You wrote this within the last few hours?? Very impressive. I didn't think the rhyme was forced (which is rare for me). It actually flowed very smoothly. I also like that it started with the rock comparison and ended with the rock comparison. Very nice work.
    Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck!

    ~*~Kat C~*~

  • pickacloud
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Great rhyme, and flow,

  • sweetrevenge55
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this sends a very meaningfull and strong message.. its very sad i had a hard time opening up when i got hurt deeply but sometimes you can overcome it all and find the best thing you could want or dream and thats true love keep up the good work love ya chelle

  • DistantMemory
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. Exactly what ssmee said, flowed, rhyme wasnt forced, romantic . Great job!


  • SuZyCuE
    December 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is great. It flowed nicely and I dont think the rhyme sounded forced on bit. Its a very romantic poem. I love this :-)

1 - 18 of 18