You say that all ungodly heathens each will burn in hell;
You thump a text of godly truth, four dozen times revised,
And set a rash of standards used to harm instead of heal.
You doom your congregation members each to rot in life
With gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt;
You thump a text of godly truth, four dozen times revised.
You spread delusion like disease is spread in times of drought,
Infecting all who heed your words and take to your belief
With gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt.
You bring a plague of righteousness and theocratic grief,
Condemning all who can’t conform to narrow-minded views,
Infecting all who heed your words and take to your belief.
You claim with poisoned breath to grant elixirs made of vows,
Then judge within your spirits those who hold a different thought,
Condemning all who can’t conform to narrow-minded views.
You boldly claim to understand the hidden heart of god;
You say that all ungodly heathens each will burn in hell,
Then judge within your spirits those who hold a different thought
And set a rash of standards used to harm instead of heal.
Author notes
you can't imagine how pissed off i have to be to write something like this....
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
Written December 14th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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Fantastic!
You must be talking about Bible beaters!
LOL! they make my skin crawl.. they take their own beliefs and shove them down everyones throat and will not allow even a breath of another idea or hint at a different way of looking at things.... these retards usually think they are God... LOL! Fantastic write! -
Very well written.
I find that sometimes it can be hard to express yourself in a clear and understandable way in poetry. But your work was very good when it came to that aspect. It was logical and the message was very, very true. You were right about what you said in the Im, I really enjoyed this. Thanks for recommending it.
Although I am interested in different poetry forms, I know next to nothing about them. That is why I like reading columns, like yours, and poems like this one that teach through example.
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Wow. You have such amazing talent to be able to express your anger in such a difficult form like Terzanelles. This is superb. Thank you for writing this.
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Hello. I think this poem is well written and has a powerful message. I really liked the line :"You thump a text of godly truth, four dozen times revised". I will read more of your poetry. I want to learn to use form and structure in my poetry and I can see you are a master!
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I clicked in here to check out the terzanelle style, it being one that is completely new to me. And I found this one, which speaks the language of my own soul quite clearly. Well done with this, my friend, and perhaps I have come to the right place to learn this new style.
Peace
doug
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i think this poem is incredible and insitful and if you have to be incredibly pissed off to write something like this than i would hope you were all the time because this is great...
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Finally got around to reading this. Outstanding. Just up my alley. I really like the choice of words you use, "four dozen times revised" - the type of poetic/musical language that often eludes my overly literal grasp of the English language. Literalists have a terrible time with metaphors, and I'm no exception...and the same goes for simply...for lack of a better term, wordcraft people often employ.
I also agree, as I just finished replying to someone on my views of religion as a psychological "disorder (I hate that word, but people know what it means, so I'll use it). It's the greatest delusory superstition of all, and so many of its followers are ridden with vile corruption and ignorance of the worst sort. May they all drown in holy water. -
The last line really got me thinking ... what exactly can heal us? Maybe I should stick around, it's always nice to learn something new. Thank you.
Regards, Maria -
This is AWSOME! OMG!!!!! Wow!
I know exactly what you mean, just because someone doesn't believe what you do, doesn't me that they are bad, and that you are right and they are wrong. Brilliant piece of work my friend!!!
~hell~ -
Poetprncess: really enjoyed your praise.
when i posted this, i was not expecting much in the way of positive feedback, but this is all i've seen so far. it's amazing. i thought for sure that i would at least upset some fundamentalists, but if i did, none have said anything so either here or in im.
when i started the poem, i was thinking of the biblical examples and descriptions of pestilence and how religion so closely resembles the same pattern of destruction, death, and decay on the moral, mental, and spiritual planes. this is where the choice of imagery and title came from.
as for using the poem in your "Training Room" at 911, go for it. i may ask you to remove it at a later time if the poem gets accepted somewhere, but you would be able to put it back with the proper crediting once it was published. for now, yes, go ahead and use it since 911 is a forum and not an online zine.
when you do, let me know and i'll lurk and see what you guys say as you discuss the poem. -
Masterful Piece
Erin! BRILLIANT!! A reflection of my own faith and questioning of my beliefs... The power within each stanza...is dramatic--Forceful...elegant in its execution. I am profoundly humbled at the skill this is written in, as well as the context and your word choices. The first read was for pleasure, while the few reads there after was to analyse the structure (both to learn the form and to perhaps find something to offer as feedback)On the sides of both coins, heads: You never leave anything to nit at... and tails: I learn the most from reading your work. The meter is like silk, a satiny feel of words off the tongue as if they slide...and the form (I read up on it, YEAH!) is flawless... The words choices are both fitting for meaning and sounds... This is perhaps one of my favorite poems to date. If you wouldn't mind I might share it at my site while adding the form to my Training room, I would be most grateful! AGain... Brilliant work. -
DP: your thoughts in your second post happen to coincide with some thoughts i shared in an email concerning this poem. i'll reproduce them here for you because i think you'll enjoy:
i [] find that i sometimes cannot help the impulse to go on a tirade against an injustice. i have found that when i am pushed emotionally, i push back. when someone challenges me intellectually, i attempt to rise to the challenge, even if it means falling short and getting squashed like a bug by someone elses superior intellect or reasoning. sometimes i am even squashed by sheer sophistry because i am not yet equipped to debunk it, leaving me defenselessly sputtering "but... but... but..."
with all my studying and the time i've spent honing my abilities as a poet, i am discovering a power i have never had. not only can i say what i want to say, but i can do so with an agressive style that i was never once capable of before. i can break off a piece of flint, chip it into the right shape, fix it on a shaft and secure it with tightly bound tethers, then draw back and shoot the damned thing straight into the mind of my reader with a force that will leave the head of the arrow stuck deep in the brains long after the shaft has been pulled free.
slowly but surely, i am finding my personal freedom to express myself and not just tag along as a yesman for the opinions and beliefs of this group or that. -
I read this many times. It digs in deeper with each new look.
I just vent my anger at this stuff. You take steady aim and shoot deep to the heart. You are talented, truely. -
I like this form, I might try it some time. Thanx for that link! Otherwise I’d be asking how to do a terzanelle, hehe.
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I had to read it through a few times to understand some parts, but I can tell you've got talent.
To Qoute your poem, "You spread delusion like disease is spread in times of drought,
Infecting all who heed your words and take to your belief
With gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt."
That part was just amazing.
Keep up teh good work.
-Danielle -
This was a brilliant piece. Absolutely wonderful and written perfectly. I read it many times and I have to agree that it is deep and that certainly you put in the time on this piece. The thoelogical point of view is excellent and the form that you choose really accented the piece in and of itself. Just brilliant.
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Bravo on researching! (Aren't words fun!)
I guess I wasn't literally meaning that the word was more archaic, perhaps a better term to use would have meen common in this time period. And again, only an opinion.
I am a fairly "uneducated" poet. I have not studied English literature (except for the one brief year I spent in University) and I haven't been exposed to many of the historically "great" and traditionally read poets. I try to squeeze time in now and again to dip into history's greats...but in trying to get published I've been reading a lot of current poetry. Most of it is not structured, and the stuff that is, I don't think is executed well.
So, I guess that is a long way of telling you that I don't have much knowledge in the technical terms of poetry. I have recently taken a poetry writing course, and was exposed to a number of different poetic forms, but not a lot of the words to describe different kinds of rhyme, metre, etc.
I was trained and worked for quite some time as a radio journlist and advertising copy writer. I believe this taught me the power of words. In radio you only have a short time to tell a story or sell a product, so you words have to be well and carefully chosen.
I am glad that you appreciated my comments. I always appreciated useful comments, even if I don't follow the suggestions given. It at least gives me a critical place to start when re-examining my poem.
Jennifer.
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i'm not familiar with this form either but i sure felt the anger coming through!
i enjoyed reading this and will be back to read it a few more times... so i can digest it all
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debracey brought you to my attention.
i am not really familiar with this style but you carry yourself well.
i will have to follow your work
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loved your thoughts. i decided to look up "narrow-minded" in the OED and compare it with the other words you see as being more formal and archaic just to see what i would find. hope you won't mind my sharing with you the following quotes from the OED that use "narrow[-]minded". the earliest date the OED has quoted is 1625, by B. Jonson, but I'll reproduce the whole lot for you to examine:
1625 B. Jonson Staple of News v. i, A narrow minded man! my thoughts doe dwell All in a Lane, or line indeed. 1636 I Discov. Wks. (Rtldg.) 743/2 He is a narrow~minded man, that affects a triumph in any glorious study. 1768–74 Tucker Lt. Nat. (1834) II. 658 The rigorous and narrow-minded throw so many difficulties in the way of salvation. 1777 Robertson Hist. Amer. (1783) II. 271 Where a narrow-minded bigotry appears in such close union with oppression and cruelty. 1830 Herschel Stud. Nat. Phil. 7 The objection whch has been taken...by persons, well meaning perhaps, certainly narrow-minded. 1874 L. Stephen Hours in Library (1892) I. vii. 266 He shows to the full their narrow-minded hatred of the preceding century.
the OED tries to quote the earliest known usage of words and compound words, but a book on the history of the enlish language which i've been studying published by cambridge has pointed out that the OED editors historically selected from texts of a certain class (by force of necessity), which left out the potential for discovering earlier known usages of various words. and, this same text also pointed out that words were generally in the verbal vernacular for some time before they entered the written vernacular. so it's likely this word has been around since the early or mid 1500s.
this would seem to indicate that "narrow-minded" could be considered as much an arhaic or formal word as the rest, especially since the first recorded use of "theocracy/theocratic" is from 1622.
anyway, i enjoyed being forced to delve into this. thank you for the excercise.
i agree also that the final stanza is a little less cohesive than the others. this has more to do with the refraining than it does the "rhyming". i'm actually alternating between what's known as a frame rhyme, end-line frame rhyme, and end-line assonance. the one rhyme between "belief" and "grief" was coincidental, just as the rhym betwen "doubt" and "drought" was (though drought can be pronounced the same as draught, making it a frame rhyme for british readers).
take care! now that i've seen your wit in action, i'll look forward to any thoughts you might have on other works of mine down the road.
Edited on Dec 19, 1:51 p.m. because ''. -
i have thoroughly enjoyed this....our opinions do differ in some places more than others but this was masterfully written nontheless...a wonderful piece, a creative use of your anger as well--you leave the reader wondering what happened and what it is your angry about exactly, you've masked it in such a way that makes the reader reread and reread in hopes to dissect it...whatever it is. once again, a magnificent piece.
anyonita. -
Yikes. I feel like you came out shooting with both barrels here. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but that has not been my experience at all. You did a good job in venting your anger.
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c'est magnifique
This is marvelous. I not only love the way you did it, but also what you said. We live in a time of coming troubles when people like the one you have all too apty described will hound many innocents to destruction and ruination. I write villanelles, but I have never tried one this form. I am not sure exactly what it is, so I'll have to look it up. Anyway, great write and great style. C'est magnifique. -
Yes! aeolian you exactly right right abot the first line, what the hell is going on that! I loved this poem, i applaud you!
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Hello again Erin,
As promised, I have returned to read this (several times, in fact)and each read through has produced a deep sense of sorrow due to the unusual depth of truth there is in here. Because I know about the inspiration you had for writing this piece, I am in a sort of state of flux as to whether I should ask if the writing of this fairly represents your true feelings, or is this an anger venting mode you went into where the passions rose only long enough to put this to paper? You can tell from the varied responses how this has affected your readers, but I am more curious as to how it has further affected you...that is if you care to share such thoughts either here or in IM.
Cheers,
Del -
I'm envious!
Interesting read. I admire anyone who can make structured poetry like this look natural and easy...two things that it often isn't.
I haven't heard of this particular form before. I'm more familiar with the villanelle, and in fact at the second stanza thought that's what it was. Would you mind perhaps giving me the particulars on this type?
This poem feels very well crafted to me. All images are consistent. For example the gangrene heart matching to mental cysts of doubt. All of the disease imagery really brings a sickness to the mind about the content. I find too often a poet will find a particular image they like and use it even if it doesn't match...for example putting a warlike image in the middle of some health ones. Happily you did not succomb to this temptation.
The lack of perfect rhyming does not detract from the poem. Are perfect rhymes demanded for the form? I'm not nit-picky about perfect rhymes, because I find imperfect ones often sound more natural and less contrived.
I also enjoyed your subtle use of alliteration and repeating word sounds as in,
You spread delusion like disease is spread in times of drought,
Nit-picky trouble spots (I don't really think a serious re-write is needed, but I like to have things pointed out to me to examine, whether I change them or not)
You bring a plague of righteousness and theocratic grief,
Condemning all who can’t conform to narrow-minded views,
Infecting all who heed your words and take to your belief
I find the use of "narrow-minded" not consistent with the more formal and archaic words used elsewhere in this stanza, such as "righteous" "theocratic" "heed" "condemning" etc.
Personally, I found the last stanza a little rough. It didn't seem to be as cohesive and solid as the rest. Although, by the end of a poem like this it can be tough to get rhymes!
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amen to that. lol. anyway, ive heard of a terzarima but not an terzanelle. i did love what you had to say in this poem... lol ive thought the same things many many times. kudos to you for having the guts to come out and say it
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Amazing
First of all, I love this form, though I am entirely unfamiliar with it, it is really appealing, and the repitition of lines is perfect for the topic of this poem. As for the poem itself, I'm officially in love with it. The good will of god-fearing individuals is something I have often questioned. Your poem has stolen the thoughts that were materializing as bursts of air in the back of my throat. I love it. Applause all around! -
Excellent!
This is absolutely amazing. It's like my style. But superb! -
wow this is briliant! I love ya style Its really effective. Merry christmas to you and everyone around you! 1 week and 5 minutes to go!!!!!!! Poppyx
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Wow great poem. Your technique is awesome. This poem has a really good point, and it is true. Religion is poison and yeah...idk i just hate religion and like your poem.
-Chris- -
i completely agree with you i absolutely LOVE this line, "Condemning all who can’t conform to narrow-minded views" because it is so true!! the title was great too, it shows me that you put some thought into it. thank you for this wonderful poem
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Such a difficult kind of form to work with. I envy anyone who can pull it off and with as much grace and skill as you have here. There was nothing so-so or half-ass about this piece. The whole thing just screamed "notice me!", so of course I did, and read it three times. lol.
I read the comments above, and found it interesting that I have absolutely no idea what jenninlyon is saying in the least, lol, but I DO know what I like, and this is definitely it. -
this was awesome. you were ableto captivate me and have my attention the entire time, this poem just grabs the reader and totally makes them want to continue reading, the flow was very good as well. the emotions behind this piece was magnifying! absolutly brilliant! rock on babae and keep up the good work
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the gunslinger: please forgive me if this piece of writing has caused you any distress. i hope your reflections will ultimately lead you to a greater sense of clarity, stillness, and peace.
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jenninlyon88: i am reproducing my im to you here for those who may be interested in the topic. hope you won't mind.
it could be the juxtapositining of the "gangrene hearts" line with the "theocratic grief" line between the two stanzas. the "gangrene hearts" line is a longer heptameter than the "theocratic grief" line because there are more polysyllabic words in the latter. the ness from "righteousness" and thee from "theocratic" are both secondary accents, and they're in juxtaposed iambs. plus, the grene in "gangrene" in the first is a long unaccented syllable, almost a secondary accent. this may be setting up an expectation for a slower moving heptameter in the latter line, which of course, because of the two secondary accents in a row, moves more quickly. yes, now that i've done this analysis, i think this is where you're having trouble with the flow. i was already aware of the differing pace between the two lines, but i liked it because it seemed to create a tasteful sort of unpredictability without actually deviating from the near-perfect iambic heptameter.
Edited on Dec 17, 11:00 because ''. -
Very slick write
This is actually a very slick write over and above correct form. It has a wonderful texture, flavor and read speed. If I were to really nitpick, I read a slightly unnatural pause after disease in the third stanza. But that could just be me at this late hour.
As to content, I find it objectionable when I see someone convert a pulpet into a bully pulpet and when he tries to confuse his words with His word. Certainly you captured the bitter flavor of such surmons. I suspect that it must have been particularly distasteful to write in this way. In any event, it made for an outstanding read. Makes me think I should buckle down and do some serious writing again soon. Have a happy Holiday. -
wow... thats all i can say.. is wow....
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Interesting
wow...I almost don't know what to say...I never have thought about my religion this way...I gotta think about some stuff now... -
Important
I think this was great. I agree with everything you say here. People who push religion on others usually do so to confirm their own beliefs. They think if they can get others to go along with them, it makes them more right. Brainwashing others does not make one right, it just makes you "feel" more right. Great poem. If I could applaud you more than once, I would. -
7.6/10
Creativity: You had some brilliant descriptions here. I liked "gangrene hearts" and "mental cysts of doubt". However, you also had a few cliched lines -- "Condemning all who can't conform to narrow-minded views". So I feel mixed about this one. 7/10
Innovation: Thank you for bringing to my attention a form that is unfamiliar to me. 8/10
Technique: You have some beautiful technique. Lots of discipline and thought went into this. However, it would be nice if you could use more better description. 8/10
Readability: I, at lease, found this readable and fun. Even though some of your observations were limp and lacked profundity. Still, it was nice. 7/10
Emotionality: I see this is something that is very personal to you, and it shows. 8/10 -
crafted & precise
ah yes i must say i agree with what you have to say in this poem....thanks for sharing it; i can't say it brightened up my day, but it sure got my blood going...
the terzanelle sounds like an interesting form, similar to the villanelle in some ways...i like the craft and discipline of this work...did you have to revise it many times to get it to this standard?
yours in poetry,
myron.
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gosome
This is a damn good poem and i liked the name you chose for it. It seemed to fit the meaning of the poem well. I liked the way you wrote it. It flows nicely and I liked the concept behind it. -
I like the way you have portrayed the "You" ambiguously enough as to allow it to apply to not only "Christianity" but all major religions and their doctrine. In all established "religion" you will find corruption and mis-representation and even some cruelty by a small percentage of those who, by nature of their belonging to a sect, are self-righteous and feel that they are beyond reproach.
I love how you kept to the subject of "pestilence" by referring to it again and again in your use of "medical" words, (burn, rash, heal, rot, gangrene, cysts, disease, plague, infecting, poisoned, elixirs, etc...)
It is your habit to name your poems by their content and not include that name within the poem itself. I love that about your poetry. You have done another wonderful job here at portraying through poetry, what so many people are afraid to speak.
~Bezoar
Edited on Dec 17, 2:36 because ''. -
Jesus wasn't a Christian.... just a thought!
Your offering was perfectly related in both context and form as far as I'm concerned. But... that's just my BELIEF. -
No matter how many times I read this it gives me shivers as does a Gustav Dore painting. From one aspect the accurate analysis of the Medieval church you have made here is an exciting piece of writing. The language, the imagery, the whole feudal conception of the universe, as encompassed within the form you chose for the poem makes it as powerful and suffocating as a faceful of incense.
Another aspect is how frightening this is.Frightening, because allegedly we no longer live in the Middle Ages. Beliefs , conceptions of how society should be tend to be cyclical throughout history. This poem is a wake up call to recognise the true nature of corruption. Power is corrupt, power corrupts. Just when we think corruption is in remission, bang, there it is again because we do not recognise its true nature.
Technically, what can I say other than my usual sentiment that when the message of a poem knocks me off my chair; when the language complements the message- in this case grabs me by the hair and slams me around the room, the mechanics and polish has to be beyond reproach. The artist uses the same materials as the artisan- if only we lesser mortals could bottle the mystery ingredient that makes the difference.
Oh, and of course I stand no chance of salvation, but I am sure the company will be to my liking!
Edited on Dec 16, 3:16 p.m. because ''. -
Hey I liked your poem, even though I may be the only one here not hailing themselves as one of the "Condemmed ones". I can understand where your coming from, most of my friends who arent Christians come from Christian households and were turned away by having faith forced upon them instead of being given the opportunity to choose what felt right to them, I dont think its right, but I can connect with what your saying, it was very well written and meaningful and Im glad to see it had a warm reaction. And besides if nothing else you can feel secure in the fact that those who condem you condem (I doubt thats spelled right) themselves in doing so, Its not a Christians place to judge, Its God's. And again, that was a very good write.
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Theis was a great write I know I am one of those"condemmed ones " and i have had alot of people try to shove their religous beliefs down My throte so I fully understand everything you are saying here Keep up the great talent that you have
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i love this form...
i can imagine how pissed off you have to be to write something like this. i have seen things recently with which i have deep issues all regarding religious right opinion. i understand that not all religious people are like this, it seems (like with everone else) the idiots make up approx. 5% of the group and happen to be the outspoken ones. just today i read an article in the paper that described a school district in Oklahoma that lost $11 million in funding in a recent election because the superintendent made a school take down a nativity scene. yeah, nice way to protest; let's jeopardize our children's education.
a group from the coral reef presbyterian church in ft. lauderdale has threatened Bush with god's wrath and an eternity in hell if he doesn't pass certain legislation. it is ridiculous.
thank you for voicing this, hopefully you do not truly believe that all people involved with organized religion are like this... my hope is that people begin understand that respect and tolerance are the real moral qualities that our nation needs to work on. -
What you call a 'broken rhyming scheme' is skillful use of assonance. The flow is seamless, and could NOT be better.If you are going to attempt to present a meaningful critique, at least spell the word 'write' correctly please.
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i'm curious where you felt the flow lacking. i see from your author page that you're from louisiana. i've talked with people from your area, and southerners most definitely have a very different way of pronouncing words than people here on the pacific coast. i use the pronunciations suggested in the Webster's Unabridged and the OED (the 24 volume edition, which I have and make constant use of) and i try to cultivate the use of those pronunciations even if it means changing the way i originally pronounced a given word.
anyway, do tell. where were you seeing some brokenness and lack of flow? i'll inspect and see if there isn't some way i can shore those areas up. -
good
i love your rhyming scheme. i think it is a little broken and the flow could be better but all and all its good. i am a christian and i think that the poem was a little unfair but not totally untrue. stay away from the bible thumpers they ruin it for everyone. thanks for a great right. i thinkWith "gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt." is genuis. -
I loved this. It reminds me of something I wrote (but never posted) a while back. I attended the funeral of a friends daughter who had OD, most believe she planned it. The preacher spent most of the time preaching and I felt from his words he may as well have told the mother and sisters (and all of us) that there loved one was going to hell and if they didn't want to end up the same way we needed to change our lives. I'm a firm believer that it's not up to us to judge, because until you've lived another persons life (including all the inner weaknesses that God gives us to bear) you can't know what you would have done in their shoes. Many times we fail, because that is what we needed to do to learn the lessons that God has set forth for us. I really enjoyed your poem. It's a good lesson and I think there are a lot of people who need to heed it. Patti
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Truth
You never cease to amaze me.I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me.I am among the heathens and shall remain there throughout my days.Your poem illustrates why I do not and can not adhere to the christian faith.The first stanza is the most meaniful to me and I feel is the most heartfelt.I'm not sure where your anger comes from but I'm glad you chose to vent it here.
Ever your student~
windssong -
I can understand your point entirely and religion is one thing that first and foremost should not be shoved down our throats. Although i agree I don't think i'd personally write a poem so....geez im at a loss of words...well its obviously about religion but since it's a pretty universal topic and can be found in so any aspacts of life i don't think i would write so clearly and directly (thats the word directly) about religion....hmmm just a thought though it really is good as is. Nicely done...i like the terzanelle style
ZIGGY -
8/10
good job
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i know someone like that.... but then aren't we all zealots when it comes to some things... i liked this because it is angry, but not as angry as poeple can get with such things.... i could call it coherent anger... good work.
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There's a lot of repetitiveness within the poem, which I like because it brings the same thoughts forward again and again. Nicely done.
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before you burn me at the stake i will say i am christian, but i am not a bible thumping, death declaring, sin charging one. hell im just human. but i agree with you on your take about "religious" behavior. the world would get along so much better if people would take their ideals and keep them to themselves, not tell everyone how to run their lives lest they be doomed for all eternity. i believe what i believe, but i have no right to judge another for what they think.
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Your thunder here is loud as the Gods you are named after A S!
Haven't seen this kind of vitriol slinging since the teamster's convention.
Nice going here though. Beautifully written!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada -
perfect!!!
This is an uplifting poem I must confess!!It's powerfully spiritual...Keep it up! -
I am a pretty religious person but not necessarily....can't think of the word anyways I keep my own faith...regardless I don't think that your poem was offensive to me....yea! and I really liked this part:
You doom your congregation members each to rot in life
With gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt;
You thump a text of godly truth, four dozen times revised.
You spread delusion like disease is spread in times of drought,
Infecting all who heed your words and take to your belief
With gangrene hearts of secret guilt and mental cysts of doubt.
^^ it was a very well written poem and the diction was great! I enjoyed reading it! good job! -
Hello Erin,
If they were giving trophys out for timliness, I think I would have a page full of them by now. I think this may be the 4th or 5th time I have been in the right place to be first to remark on your work...
The blend of assonance and consonance is impeccably well done in this piece and the flow of thought from opening to the closing quatrain reads well. Stern thoughts abound and a fair challenge to "put up or shut up" to those who would say their teachings are the ONLY thing we should believe. I, personally feel quite spiritual, but I am NOT religeous in any particular form or format.
I enjoyed the read, and shall return to read it again.
Del
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