I have a secret, shhh! Please don't tell,
I need to just hide in my personal hell.
I can't say these words trust me I tried,
I didn't get out much because I just cried.
I looked you in the eyes only to fall to the floor,
How can I say to him how i'm now the whore.
The cops said it wasn't my fault, i'm not to blame,
I was just a rape victim, I just carry shame.
I can't tell him how it felt to be pinned to the ground,
Can't describe the words of my muffled sounds.
I can't break his heart cause I know this would,
I love him too much to break down his world.
This is my secret as I was raped without you there,
You got me drunk, I left the room, I should've stayed there.
I can never make this right it's all just so wrong,
I can't tell you the truth, right now i'm not that strong.
My lips are just sealed as I bury the pain,
I want to feel numb because I feel i'm going insane.
I wish I had the courage, the strength to say those 3 words
"I was RAPED" it sounds so abusrd.
How can this happen? No not to me,
Must be another girl, who is she?
I swear i'm not a slut, i'm not a whore,
I didn't cheat on you but this child's not yours.
An abortion must come you must never know,
The truth from that night, please don't ever show.
I know this sounds wrong but I was just a teen,
Raped by a man in his mid-thirties you see.
I never asked for this pain or this strife,
Why do I have to live this screwed up life?
Will I ever heal these open wounds i conceal?
Will I ever open up and learn to reveal,
The secrets I hide, the words still untold,
I want to be brave, want to be bold.
Such words will bring hurt and pain to those close,
I just hope I can live with all i have chose.
Author notes
I have never told my boyfriend that i was raped, not till this day, i hope one-day i'll find the strength and have that chance.
Written December 13th, 2004
A contest entry
- ...Biggest Regret... by ---FrumanEsque---.
300 points, ended March 7, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - depression or dark love by Darkened eyes.
370 points, ended May 24, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This poem has such strength and a very painful story behind it. It's really well written good luck
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well we no longer speak, i still never told him, i guess after that whole situation i focused so much on not hurting him so i did that by pretty much pushing him away.....i just couldn't say those 3 words
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AMAZING
Tell someone. Anyone. If you cant tell anyone, or your boyfriend, show them or him this poem. If your pregnent, maybe you guys will decide to keep the baby. By the way, this is an amazing poem. G-d bless you and good luck! -
I applaud your courage to put this in writing. My suggestion is: TELL anybody who will listen. If they won't listen, tell their backs as they walk out the door!! Keep writing-it helps!
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Great job!!!but sorry to the situation. sorry you have to go through that..just hang in there you know how to let out steam and hurt....it's writting, so great job!!!
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It's hard to deal with traumas in life and you need to trust that one day if it's the right person, you will tell him. Hope writing helps ease the pain some.
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i can kinda relate but i got drunk 1 day and told my boyfriend of that time, lol, hmmm, the wonder of alcohol.... bless you, hope ur ok, b strong
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If a man loves you he will love you through this. If he turns his back to you, perhaps he isn't deserving of your commitment. If he really does love you then he would mostly be upset that you felt you couldn't tell him. I hope all goes okay. Love & prayers, Ag~
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intense write
so much anguish- this was torment to read. i notice you put it in the personal section and your authors comments reveal it to be true. its very brave of you to speak out. you could let your boyfriend read the poem as a way of explaining things to him if you really want him to know. -
I must agree. There is a lot of truth and pain in this, and more then enough basis for you to write it in freeform.While you've conveyed what happened, rhyming makes it hard to say what you're really thinking and feeling about what has happened. I know what you've been through, to some extent and I'm so very sorry.
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This piece was wonderful written, though, I think it would be better in freeeform, perhaps more unrestricted. Nonetheless, the emotion behind it was real.
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the basic structure of this piece rather takes away from the morbid reality of it all...and it is probably all too often a reality for many women...good luck..
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This is so sad, and I am crying about it. I hope one day you will tell him and soon. Good job on it. ummm though I ask of one thing, could you follow the rules, meaning that you need to put the title of choices that you picked in the title or arthurs box and put the two titles of the poems that you read in my contest in your arthurs box. Thank you for entering in my contest and good luck to yah!
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Damn. Sucky shit. I just had a daughter and this type of thing always brings me close to tears. I'm sorry, chic. -Raviyn
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heart-wrenching
o... wow.
what else can i say?
i'm so sorry about the tragedy you face every day... how incredibly painful that must be.
i can sympathize with your reluctance to tell your boyfriend... but, as much as it might hurt him, if he loves you then he should know. it wasn't your fault. you can't rape the willing, and as you obviously were not willing, you are not a whore. if he held something against you that you didn't even do... well i can't judge him but i would assume that you don't mean as much to him as you thought. anyways... i loved this. it was amazing. a painful but beautiful read. take care and stay strong! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest 
~Iris
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