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Only I

It is the song in my heart,
that with which I can not part.
The feeling of life, of being,
understanding nothing, but seeing.
The feeling of being someone
in this wide world, of no one,
To be, to live, to carry on,
draw my life’s sketch with a crayon
in the colour of the sky-
It is nothing but a feeling,
Nothing but Only I




Author notes

Sorry! Love this poem, I couldn't change it.

FOR CONTEST "Almost Anything" by SafeRefuge:
The main idea of this poem is the poetic inspiration or the poetry within me. I think the idea is explained in the poem and i don't think i could put it better way or even explain it in anyway else.
It softly rhymes.
My username: Nivedita

Written December 9th, 2004





A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Intricate Wordsmith
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry to say that your poem did not survive the judging of Level Four: Presentation/Grammar


  • Shades of Pale silver member
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    good good good

    thanks for entering my contest!i loved your poem!

  • Intricate Wordsmith
    June 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    If you are going to enter my contest I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules. You are lacking in your Author's Notes:
    ~Main Idea of the Poem
    ~Username
    ~Any further explanation as to why you choose that subject (not required, but it helps)
    ~Tell if it is supposed to rhyme or not


  • Florida Sunshine
    May 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Let me start with grammar pluses. I enjoyed the enjambments along in the infinitives

     

    "To be, to live, to carry on,"

     

    The rhyme is classic in the simplicity it doesn't take away from the write.

    [heart-part, being-seeing, someone-no one, {this one is a little pushed ...}on-crayon and the last one Sky-I {which fits with the theme of the write}

     

    Although, I read your Author's Notes I would like to suggest you remove the word "that"

     

    "It is the song in my heart,
    with which I can not part."

     

    I put it there so you can see it wasn't necessary, it also helps with the 'heartbeat' of the piece. [At least sounding wise...] ***But, it is only a suggestion.

     

    Again, in reference to your Author's Notes; "Sorry! Love this poem, I couldn't change it." clearly tells me this poem was written from the heart.  [For you] It makes it that more special in a lot of ways.  Isn't that what poetry 'is' supposed to be?

     

    I've do understand how some folks will write poetry for a contest. I've lost many of contests cause in the long run...I wrote the piece for me. [A part of me].  Yes, in my opinion I stuck with a prompt but, still maintaining it is a part of me. 

     

    So many people over analysis the meanings behind poetry. Could it be just simply what is says or what it does? Your write fills every being of me with this type of thinking.

     

    Keep it as is... because it's you!  You did a nice job, and its great when you wrote within the passion of your soul at the time of what you were feeling. [Total blonde statement, but it makes sense to me, I hope it you understand it.]

     

    Thanks for entering the contest - best of luck in the round.


    • Nivedita
      June 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! you are one of the very few people who see poetry in this light. Every one looks at the rhyming scheme, imagery, meter, etc , to say the truth i don't think about all these when i write. It either comes directly from my heart or it doesn't!i feel poetry should come naturally or it isn't real poetry. But that's only what i think. Thanks so much for appreciating this poem, thanks again!!!


  • creationsfromheart
    December 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    ok I see you have this in a lot

    Of other contest. On a personal scale I love this write.


  • Cherokee
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You might consider not trying to rhyme and just writing your thoughts in a showing but not telling way. I couldn't really make much sense of this. You probably had a point, I just didn't see what it was. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


  • leander Moderators member
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Also here, I noticed the rhyme being off in the last three stanza's... Actually, I noticed it after the second read - because to me, the rhyme you have here is quite natural that I didn't even see it the first time I read it

    Once again, good luck for you
    Leander


  • Myjoy gold member
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A good poem,
    I liked the visual it brought out of my mind.
    Good luck and thank you for sharing.

  • kitkat92
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    good....

    i love this part "draw my life’s sketch with a crayon
    in the colour of the sky-" its so happy and inspireing, thanx for entering


  • Bas
    November 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i can feel what you are writing and thinking , sometimes i even wonder what you are , we need the feeling of being and seeing others like we want to be seen and heard , thanks for sharing this with me


  • ExpectingMommy18
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is such a great write,you did a wonderful job with this write.

    thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!!


  • Beating gold member
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nothing but only!
    What a simple, yet meaningful lines.
    I very much enjoyed this piece in its simplicity, and I loved the opening lines. Good job!


  • katie-jo
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is wonderful, i enjoyed reading it so much.
    thank you for sharing this with me.
    thank you for entering my contest and i wish you the best.

    -katiebird


  • Touchof1der silver member
    December 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Writing is such a wonderful form of expression and I am glad you have chosen to share your's here on Allpoetry. I would like to welcome you to Allpoetry and encourage you to enter the contest for newcomers this month. allpoetry.com/Contest/920038 Just follow that link if you are interested in checking it out. Who knows, you just might get to add a shiny trophy to your author page.
    ~Kimberly

  • lilshortredhd
    December 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I like it. Good job!

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