Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Byzantine









are there not
children
playing on the streets
of Megiddo
when Pharoah rides through,
splendid and remote?

Should I not weep,
seeing it so,
through the golden dust
of the ancient avenues,
the hot wind
battering the tattered sheets.

And

if I should not
weep
the moisture
cutting a track
through the dirt
of my gray beard,

would the grey ash
of the distant smoking cities
fall upon my paperwork

soiling the neat lines
and elegant scrolls

that told you of the children's
innocent smiles
and the candles that lit
the last few miles.

Author notes

Written December 8th, 2004

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • Pome
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Within such bittersweet juxtapostioning...lovely imagery and eloquently stated sentiments... a nice poem.


  • Onyx-Rose
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is very different from anything else that I usually like and just because of it's so different and very intelligent and individual. Keep it up, good luck in all your future poems.
    xRapunzelx


  • Tainted Innocence
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This piece is really well done (not as in steak lol). But in all seriousness...you really have done an excellent job writing this. I have no critiques and I usually have SOMEthing to say lol. Oh yea...why did you choose to title it 'Byzantine'? And...that's it lol. Great, great piece of art. Keep it up.


  • lonely and free
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    you have conveyed lost innocence...tragic perfection


  • mandi lynn
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Skillfully done

    I wish I knew what to say...there is far too much to be said, even though the poem was not one of immense length. I think this is one of those moments when it doesn't matter what is said. All that matters is the idea that is conveyed. All I want to say, really, is that this...this poem...is very excellent.


  • Devil Inside Me
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    That was a wonderful write, I found it an excellent poem and I was compelled to read it from the start all the way to the finish. It had a magnificent flow of words everything was placed in the right spot and that’s what made it a pleasant read.
    It had a good background but i think it could have have a different back to make it a bit more better. even knowing it's a great poem in it self

    Keep it up.

    Thanks for the wonderful poem to read.


  • zilbermann silver member
    June 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I like the poem but why the title? What does Byzantium have to do with the Pharoah so very many centuries earlier? I do not think of those civilizations as similar.

  • ecrivain01
    December 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    good job

    Erudite and invigorating writing. I see so little on here that isn't about lost love, degraded sex, abuse, or drugs. This is much better reading than that stuff.

    Jim Dunlap


  • Desiree Darkk
    December 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    First I will refer you to part of my comment on "On The Shore At Troy" where I said.........."I remember now. Sex, war, religion and youth. Beginning with Seduction 1, where we were lured to read on. And this little collection of the Trojan War. Next is religion. And that's where you will openly tie it altogether with current events"

    The title, I believe, refers to the Byzantine Empire. . During the seventh century, the religion of Islam arose in the Middle East and within a hundred years, its followers had built an empire larger than the Roman Empire at its height. The Islamic civilization drew on the rich heritage of Greek, Roman, Byzantine, Persian and Indian cultures. (no I didn't pull this from the top of my head but it didn't take much research to pull it up) Byzantine...religion and youth. Now it's time to tie them together with current events or perhaps you have been doing that all along...

    Course I could be dead wrong. It's possible.

    Desiree

  • a-crazed-hobo
    December 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    I applaud

    This is a very powerful piece, in my opinion. The imagery you paint is very beautiful and the vocabulary you use, tied in with the rhythm, makes this piece all the more brilliant.

  • DarkDream
    December 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the name sounds familiar, but this poem is sad...forgetting innocent smiles...how mean


  • Niki1227
    December 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    you Know how to make a point great job


  • Runawaytrain
    December 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm

    The world's leaders are not in touch with the ones they govern, and the descisions he makes can not stop the children from playing. They do not comprehend the choices of a king, just as he can not appriciate their games.

  • ShesInMyHand
    December 12, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i love the poems that can be sad and beautiful at the same time. You captured so many emotions so well. great write!


  • jenneddin silver member
    December 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The bard tales always hit me in the strangest ways... Sort of like going back through time, which is wonderful of course. Except this trip is not so wonderful... a most unpleasant place for children.... then and today.
    Your empathy has always been beautiful to read


  • December 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    brilliant poeme - but i wish litted was a real life word because it would of been so nice in the last wee bit. but things like that dont matter. lit is lovely.
    lit is such a flexible sound, some lovely lovely words have lit in like alliteration and that little one that begins in the letter c but bad words like litter and slit. i hate the word slit a lot you know. whats the difference between gray and grey though?
    battering and tattered near each other looks beautiful.

    i think youre nice writer because you always use those question mark things a lot and loads dont bother because they think they know it all last week dont they

    grey looks much softer and blurry than gray doesnt it

  • JadedWanderer
    December 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Pretty and sad, I suppose. What parts of it a get, seem to give a sense of not wanting to care? Perhaps not. I never was good at reading your poems.
    Jade


  • cvillelisa
    December 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Can the children do anything to change the direction on the Road to Megiddo? I wish the Pharoah wasn't remote. I wish he was paying attention to the innocent smiles.
    This makes me sad.



  • December 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Masterful. What a poem.

1 - 19 of 19