I battle hard through this life of grey,
fighting fiercely for each inch of ground.
My aches run deep, yet I'll not bend or sway,
I'll press on to wage another round.
It is no consequence what weighs 'pon my soul,
whether clothed in slavery or regal crown,
I shall blaze against the pressing night,
I will embrace the better Day's re-known.
I'll walk the earth beneath the brand new sun,
drinking deep its rich and fiery wine,
on that Day when hard fought victory's won,
and Love's great peace is finally mine.
Author notes
I started this poem at Church last month (1 November 2004), during the Monday night Artisan Bible study, so it touches on some of the themes mentioned that night. I finished it last night before the Monday night youth Bible study. This is the first thing I have written in quite a while. It's not so different from the ones before it in terms of theme. I am wanting to start doing some different kinds of styles, and maybe some stories or essays now. I used to be pretty good with that stuff (I always got an A). I got the title from an album by Miss Angie called Triumphantine. I've just always liked that word, and it fit the theme of the poem.
Written December 6th, 2004
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Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I agree man, that is a sweet title and your work here definitely lives up to it's potential. Great rhyme, meter, you def know the drill, and this was very enjoyable read.
-tony -
Well done
I liked the use of imagery used, especially the dinking of the rich and fiery wine. Nicely put. Well done. -
another good write...i don't mind the rhyme structure at all...has kind of an old school feel to it. I struggle to rhyme well...mine usually sounds forced ot false or childish...you dont have that problem...keep writing ...
ps...is church boring that you write during services?...lol -
Powerful, very deep this one was, I liked it.
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thanks. I haven't written any stories, but I do think of them all the time, so one of these days I will. hopefully I will write something worthwhile. take care, and thanks for commenting
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This is really god nice job.. keep up the good writting... do u write any stories?? if you do u should post them i would love to read them.....
pEace gohan -
*11/10*
Ah, but I am impressed.
"It is no consequence what weighs 'pon my soul,"
This was a great line. I liked some of the words you used in the rest of the poem. This piece was also wholly original. Keep writing.
And thanks for the comments and applause on my haiku. -
good
okay I just read it again and I got it this time but I don't have a comment on it. -
yeah, my mind just doesn't comprehend most poems when it's tired
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Ha, the other reason I don't comment sometimes,Xak, is how late it is and how tired my brain is when I'm reading poems on here. Don't worry about it.
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hmm... nice it's like no matter what you won't be defeated I don't know if I should read mor into this or not becuase there could be some things in this poem that could be used in a symbolic sort of way kind of in a way I'm not sure what I'm saying I don't know if my mind is comprehending this right or not because I am tired right now so I'm about to log off because it's 5 a.m. and i havn't gotten any sleep
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A nice poem. Gripping, powerful, with a tone like a hymn. I would just change one word: Why not make it "I'll press on to fight another round" instead of "I'll press on to wage another round". Won't you tell me what artisan bible study is?
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Wow, this one gripped me. It is such a powerful write that strikes a cord of familiarity with the readers. Your flow is awesome and it hit my heart. life is a fight, and the fight gets harder if your trying to follow god. This is just awesome. I'm glad I started reading your work, I'm adding you to my fave list. josh
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A very cliched rhyme scheme, yes, but it works for something like this. It's very strong and spiritual, and seems to be the goal of all Christians. Keep on writing.
~Chris -
WOW very strong...Just wow!~Benji
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Tom, thanks for the comment. I once wrote a love letter to a girl from a Church I used to go to, and I told her about how in the next life we will have all the joys and pleasures that God has for us because that is what the next life is for. This life, here in the world as we are, is where our faith is tested and proven. This is where the hard work of being a faithful servant comes in. We have forever to enjoy, but here our main priority is to join in with Christ in the work he is doing now. We can have pleasure, but it's not the main thing right now. It's just good to remember and keep in sight that the goal is something that will be reached, that we will have rest and peace and all the wonders beyond imagining, and that we will share them with our God and each other. It makes all the crap that goes on here and now more bearable to remember it is only temporary, but that pleasure and joy and fulness of life is without any end.
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Great
Great poem it was written in a very Unique style i enjoyed reading this its cool ..we may suffer now but we will be rewarded when we die ! Great write Keep up the good work!
---tom--- -
Tomas, Thanks for the comment on my new poem. I'm glad you liked the way it's written, and it was cool to get your comment 3 seconds after I posted it. Hope things are well with you.
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i like the way you write this poem. it gives a great description through so few words. i also like the rhyming scheme. well written. great work!
-Tomas
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