Should Death be arrogant and proud,
Or slink like villains plotting harm?
Should it come openface, shouting alarm,
And crying prophecies out loud?
Is Death the villain, spoiler, thief --
Harbinger of our last Apocalypse?
Is it a messenger whose coming slips
Past pain and opens doors for grief?
No. Death is but an entryway to Life
That holds us true and lights the Way
To horizons far beyond our mortal clay:
It ends for good all ill and strife.
With answers to all our questions immutable,
We'll penetrate, at last, the inscrutable.
Author notes
This is not exactly unpublished since it was read at the funeral of a friend's son in October, 2003. Update: It's now been read at 3 funerals.
I have lost two friends in the last 3 months, so I know how you feel.
ecrivain01
Written October 5th, 2003
A contest entry
- In Remembrance of Jim Rakowski by Kadyia.
1400 points, ended March 31, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Refuge of Poetry in Times of Great Sorrow by FunnelWaxFate.
700 points, ended July 28, 2008, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - zatog's first annual poem contest!! by zatog.
550 points, ended November 17, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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A very nice write with words that ring so true. It is hard to understand when you lose someone that they have truly gone to a better place. Thanks for entering
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good poem... short and to the point
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thank you for entering, beautiful piece
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Fantastic and amazing write!!! Very masterful use of language. I adore the personification and the metaphoric power…very vivid in emotion and containing such eloquence, this piece is superb…I especially loved the lines, “No. Death is but an entryway to Life That holds us true and lights the Way To horizons far beyond our mortal clay:It ends for good all ill and strife.”Such imagery…very uplifting, insightful and comforting. So grasping…definitely stripped me down to raw emotion…Very well done!!!
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That holds us true and lights the Way
To horizons far beyond our mortal clay:
Beautiul write! I am sorry for your losses, and thank you so much for sharing
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beautiful! thank you for entering!!
Mylee -
Truly beautiful write
I can see why this would be a poem well fitted for a funeral for it does speak as in the passing life is renewed where pain and suffering is justly subdued
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'...Death is but an entryway to Life That holds us true and lights the Way To horizons far beyond our mortal clay...' Amen, my brother...this is beautiful, JD...well done...& let 'em carp about meter, my Friend...that's just jealousy talkin' anyway...
Bravo...
Wanda
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Hey ...
I hope things have quieted down for you by now. I know moving is a trial, and packing is really a pain. Hopefully you've found some really great place to land?
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now this is what I'm talking about!!! This is awe-spiring!! love it love it!!!
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this has such a strong message behind such clever and beautiful words. it makes somebody thinkg, this is such an in depth poem, thankyou so much and good luck
X -
This is deep and encourages us to ponder. I love the words 'death is but an entryway to life', very well said, we have nothing to fear from death. I like the way this is written, the style etc.
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i like your view about death. and i also like how you say theres life after death cuz i know some people who don't really see it that way and im glad others like you do.great job and great write.
D-H -
Awesome write here.
I agree with you but will do it just to show them that I can. This is indeed a fine one to read again and again. I like this very much still. Right on fellow poet. -
Hey, awesome write! This was really good. It was short, yet managaed to explain itself perfectly. Great choice of words with this as well. I really liked this a lot and enjoyed reading it, awesome job, always keep it up!
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Reminds me of John Donne's "Death Be Not Proud". Very nice poem. Good flow, good rhymes, good use of words/vocabulary. It goes with the theme very well. There's a genuine heartfeltness...a genuine emotion. That's hard to come by. Anyway, good stuff.
Cheers,
Yossarian -
Great poem. I liked it. Good luck.
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Awsome
This is a great poem. Shows all of the aspects of death in just a few words. Allows us to think of where people go after death reaches them. Great Job -
I like the style of the poem
~shaitus.
Edited on Mar 17, 10:19 p.m. because ''. -
Very sonnetish. Interesting concept and construction.
I also appreciated your comment from Dec. 28 to wit:
"I know that Jesus loved the poor and the downtrodden and the different. He spent his time with them. That sounds much different than the braying self-righteousness of the so-called fundamentalist Christians. I think man likes to make God in his own image, and I don't care to buy into that craziness."
I too had a wayward journey on my spiritual awakening. (In fourth grade I wanted to be a satanist because I thought the devil would be more into fun stuff! The notion didn't last long.) Christ spoke to the people in parables so that the blind would see and those who see would be made blind. To think that the Bible is going to spell out salvation as an easy-to-follow set of bullet-pointed guidelines is ludicrous. I believe salvation will come to those who actively search for truth, as opposed to those who ritualistically process their heavenly EZ-form 1040... believer? Check. baptized? Check. weekly eucharist? Check. decent life? Check, etc. -
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Just rereading comments ...
and was again struck by how acute your abilities to reason things out really are.
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Wow, hardly remember writing this... it goes back a way. Glad to see it's something I still agree with! I notice many of our mainstream politicians are having a tough time agreeing with what they said a month ago let alone two, almost three, years ago!
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Yeah ...
really makes you wonder, doesn't it.
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I never knew death sported a mag light, wow.
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awsome in the true sense of the word
well done, well done indeed... love your views and agree with them to a great degree... awsome job. -
That's interesting. I am also a cancer survivor. I am glad to know you are as well.
Jim Dunlap -
Poignant
I have said before that I am a cancer survivor and I loved the poem Death Be Not Proud and this poem points that out and reinterates what I have said and others. There are in this life things worse than death. -
This is, really good. It has so many questions within the already questions. Good job with this write. Good luck in the future and in the contest.
- Rose!!
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I loved the poem! It is thought provoking and shows good use of rhythm. Good job. Write on, poet.
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Thank you for commenting on my poem. I loved reading this one, and I am so glad that you brought it to my attention.
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This is an amazing piece. I am very impressed at your language and the varying way you inorperate thoughts into rhyming lines. Very well done, I must say.
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Nothing but an applaud!!!
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an amazing write, i am highly impressed with this. i love sonnest and i do not count syllables either, i have none posted here but i have one perfected and published. i like the thought in this poem. very good job, it flows nicely and has emotion.
~Ash~ -
It's funny because there was a time in my life when I was very skeptical about religion. Possibly that had something to do with my upbringing since I saw so many people who claimed to be religious and then did really heinous things. Now I am beginning to feel different about it, but I still don't believe that anyone knows any more about it than I do. It's all just guesswork. I know that Jesus loved the poor and the downtrodden and the different. He spent his time with them. That sounds much different than the braying self-righteousness of the so-called fundamentalist Christians. I think man likes to make God in his own image, and I don't care to buy into that craziness. I hope you got something good from reading this though.
Thanks for your kind words.
Jim Dunlap -
Great
After reading Brian's comment(windhover03) I dont think I should really comment cause I dont know 'Everything' about poetry, but I do know this is a great write and you were right, I did like it. Nice one Jim
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Brian, I'd bet a lot of money that you are being over humble here. I doubt that's true at all. Anyway, thanks.
Jim Dunlap -
I make it up as I go along, lol, which is actually at least half true. You write; I read and listen. If it's hard to understand my comments, it is due more to poor phrasing than arcane mastery.
Brian -
Brian, how do you know so much about that stuff? It makes my head ache trying to follow what you're saying.
Thanks for the kind words, which are even more appreciated after what happened the other day.
Jim Dunlap
Edited on Feb 20, 6:57 p.m. because ''. -
I do generally count syllables, but I write primarilly free verse. This is a sonnet even by ChesireKat's definition, though, because it is predominantly iambic pentameter. If we declared every Shakespearian sonnet a non-sonnet when he varies the meter, half (at least) would be eliminated. As for Edna St. Vincent Millay... well. Lewis Turco suggests that those who write only within the standard meter are "mere versifiers" whereas someone who knows when to use, change, and break the meter is a real poet.
This has a very nice message, and I can see why the family appreciated it. A couple points for what they are worth: the use of "villain" twice doesn't seem neccesary, and because they don't confront each other in the relative same place, it doesn't really "pop" for me. It doesn't detract, though, either.
I would have prefered a period after "No". The comma is grammatically correct, but the pause seemed too soft for me. I would have preferred the stronger emphasis from a full stop.
Meter. I generally find very regular meter inappropriate for those ultimately profound questions these days. When done properly, however, it can work, and I think you do it properly. Again, just from my own personal perspective, the meter of the final couplet isn't perfect (how's that for criticism?). The second to last line I read as pentameter, with the final two feet being dactyls. The last line is also (sort of) pentameter, with a final dactyl, but the penultimate foot "the in-" seems abbreviated... the hard stress is missing. These two factors work to create a lightening tone for me, which may be exactly what you desired. Unfortunately, ending with two non-stresses also doesn't "resound" in quite the way I'd have chosen. Not suggesting a change, just saying.
This is well crafted. I personally prefer that three syllable feet and other metric techniques be used to vary a poetic structure which would otherwise seem stilted and lifeless. Glad it was appreciated, it is a comforting sentiment.
Brian -
Hey thanks for the comment on my poem..yours seemed to give the true meaning i guess like the people before have said...I loved the part "No, Death is but an entryway to Life...That holds us true and lights the Way"..It really opened my mind and made me think about death...
~`Sarah`~
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No, because life is a series of appocalyptic happenings for all of us, and death is the last appocalypse.
Jim Dunlap
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Bravo
Jim, this is one terrific poem. It holds many truths and beliefs of my own. This is the kind of poem that should be read and studied by all school students for it's true meaning and what the world can offer if a life is lived to it's fullest. There is one word in this piece that I think doesn't fit, just my own opinion. In the line "Harbinger of our last Apocalypse?" , isn't the word "last" a bit redundant? Otherwise, I truely loved this poem. Keep up the great writing. Take care and God Bless.
Michael
Edited on Dec 26, 7:08 p.m. because ''. -
Verry Very good
This is very strong and has such a contemporary feel considering that old form. Sonnets are very difficult for me, and i agree that rules in this form must be meticulously "bent."
Thanks for a really interesting poem and one that is very smooth and well thought out. Peace, avi -
very thoughtful piece
This is a very wonderful thought. Death though itself a mystery but is an answer to so many questions staying for long in our minds. And the beauty of the piece is a very extempore and bold expression. Nice Job! -
Ten Tens
Gives hope and meaning to death. It always amazes me, death is the one given, the one that none can run, yet so frightfully fearful, we live in dread of its occurrence. I throughly enjoyed this muse. It has the power to instill a degree of hope that is beliveable and comforting. It is a magnificent pen you yeild in the persuit of perfection.
Mac -
What a wonderful way of defining what death really is. You said it very well. I guess the thing for us that is hard, is that death from earth is so final and we grieve sometimes for the way one was taken and just plain out miss them. I would find myself looking for Janie in the crowds, without really thinking about it. Well, I need to go to your author's page an read up on you. ~vm
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Amazing. Really moving. It has an appealing rhythm, and some very memorable lines. Thanks for sharing it!
PS I am sorry for your friend's loss. -
Thanks. I guess there really should be a lot of thought given to it since death is a universal for all living things, including the Universe.
Jim Dunlap
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the poem is great.. no doubt about that!!
but the discussion on your poem is interesting too! theres a lot of thought given here. -
Very interesting view on Death, quite intriging indeed.
I love it when people personify Death in their poems and stories; giving it such a Life that can bring happiness or utter sorrow. Considering the circumstances this was written for, I can't go into a huge debate about this poem's particular meaning, but I can say that I enjoyed it very much.
To horizons far beyond our mortal clay:
That line was just so...passionate. I loved it.
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Now that is something that would not have occurred to me. I wrote the poem for a friend on the death of her son, and she seemed to take a lot of comfort from it.
Thanks,
Jim Dunlap
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Excellent
I also have a problem ..... I write as I read with more emphasis on certain words owing to my language/dialect...we dont all speak english as it should be spoken....having said that I also feel that to get a message across, one writes it as it would appear to us......whether it makes sense to us as the writer and hopefully to the reader (that is a bonus ). I was reared to believe in the "Afterlife" so I would have a positive reaction on your poem....(I adored it) but to anyone who was not of this conviction, it might read a bit "Dark" with Death being a lure......who knows. Many thanks for this incredible write
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I love the meaning in this message and the poetic structure is unique. I like that you move to your own ideas of meter and rhythm. Though I try to adhere to iambic meter and love it...many times I am pulled to break the rules where rhyming is concerned. I do not like to follow a 'perfect' rhyme method and find that when I do stray from it I get many comments about my imperfect rhyming. I think when something falls into your heart as right to you then it is what is true. Breaking the rules in such a creative way only draws me into this work all the more. As I said the content is beautifully stated. The first line of the 3rd stanza is exquisite. And your rhyme is rich and unforced.
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The poem is excellent! The way you show death is simply amazing; peaceful, soothing even the title makes it attractive.
About the form, I rarely count syllables and I surely don't put my attention if a poem is written in iambic or not, as long as it sounds good in my ears, then it is perfect, for me.
This one is
Hugs,
Mari
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I was about 10, so it's been 50 years.
If you grew up with it, then you probably have an intrinsic feeling about what's "right" and what isn't. I think that comes with immersing yourself in something. I can't say that I have enjoyed the mistakes that much, but you don't learn without them, so it's a wash. I dont worry about meter much because I sound out the lines as I write them. If they 'sound' right to me, I put them down and go on to the next one. I was asked to define poetry on another site, and I used quotes from others to do it, plus some comments of my own. It took 1 1/2 pages with rich text. It's a difficult thing to get your heart around.
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I enjoyed this. I think you have described death very convincingly. I can see it as not and end but just a passing into the infinite through your words. I liked the flow and I don't count syllables either. Heck I don't usually rhyme or have any set verse. So over all I would say extremely well written. Nice use of vocabulary and thank you for sharing
God Bless
Tammy -
oh jeez, must be... ::thinks:: about ten years. heh, i was only a little kid when i started...
Edited on Dec 17, 10:00 because ''. -
Thanks. How long have you been writing?
Jim Dunlap -
ah well. ::shrug:: a matter of opinion, i guess. still, hats off. you seem to be a v. good writer.
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thank you
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Yes, of course, but iambic pentameter is the actual rhythm of English speech. I sound out the lines as I write them, and if they 'sound right' to me, that's how I put them on paper (or on the computer). I don't count syllables, which I think is silly and old-fashioned in the extreme. I do not agree with your definition of what is a sonnet. I don't believe they are primarily defined by the meter of the lines. That said, thanks for commenting on my poem, which, believe, me, most people definitely feel is a sonnet.
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well, i certainly dig the content and the language. may i ask why you don't care about meter? it has a lot to do with whether lyric poetry works- lyric poetry needs a beat.
and this is only half a sonnet, if it's not in iambic pentameter (that's if you're going for an english sonnet, the meter is different for other types). nothing wrong with that, but sonnets are largely defined by their meter. otherwise they're just lyric poems.
Edited on Dec 12, 9:06 because ''. -
Well written
This is a very disciplined well written poem. Nice craft. Good flow. Direct and to the point with a good command of language. -
That's some good stuff.. it asks the same questions many have pondered over the ages.. and that is great! ~coolness~
L.P.
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