I know I probably shouldn't admit this
because I might damage the family name
but I feel I must explain my behavior
and there are so many people to blame.
I come from a long line of nincompoops.
A long, happy life, most Rickerby's miss
and their last words almost always are,
"Hey, hold my beer and watch this."
There was my Uncle Jimmy from Ireland
who fancied himself quite a hard case.
He got into a fight every Saturday night
until someone harder kicked in his face.
Then there was my cousin, wee Alfie McKee
who was bedridden from his own body mass.
He binged on his favorite foods one day
and suffocated himself with his own gas.
And let's not forget my Great Uncle Ian
who had a career in crime for a while
'til he snatched a purse on an airplane
and made a run for it down the aisle.
I thought I had seen it all from my family
until the all-time, biggest blunder yet
when my dad said, "I've invented a new way
to get Whiskers to the vet!"
He had the cat in a strange contraption,
one end holding his angry, wee face
and a steel spike right up his clacker
to help keep him securely in place.
It seemed kind of cruel, the spike and all,
but he'd worked so hard, what could I say?
But when he let the cat out, it was so mad,
dad was in the hospital for a two-week stay.
I could go on all day but why bother?
I'm sure you can see what all this means.
If my poems seem a bit warped or bizarre.
I can't help it . . . It's in my genes!
Author notes
Choice #2
Thanks for all the hilarious choices. I had fun writing this. 
Mark
Written December 5th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Wicked Humor by VolcomSheDevil.
400 points, ended January 5, 2005, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
-
LOL This was great, I needed a good laugh today and this did the trick
Sounds a bit like my family lol Great job on this
-
Hilarious
Wow this is hilarious! Well done Mark in describing your family! Thanks for the laugh! Cheers! 
-
Hi antish,
You have no idea. This describes the more mature members of my family. lol
Thanks,
Mark -
HAHAHAHA That was absolutely ridiculous! I cant stop laughing
Aw well done amazing write. (remind me never to meet your family! hahaha) Xxxxxxx
-
No recipe makes me laugh more than witty with a pinch of evil. You mix it up well...I'm still chuckling!
-
Great job! This story was very cute and actually made sense. LOL I feel sorry for your Great Uncle Ian though. Maybe he really thought no one could catch him thousand of feet up in the air, in a small one room plane. LOL I loved it! Thanks for entering. (And thanks for the patience)
~Denise -
not bad
This is funny, which is all it is supposed to be I'm sure.
-
Brilliant. you are so flippin creative. Where do you come up with this stuff? I got like 3 people leaning over by shoulder yelling at me to scroll up so they can finish reading it
Awesome as always! Peace&love -
This is a hoot! Sounds like you have a real interesting family background. Your reunions must be something else indeed. Good luck in the contest. Take care and Have fun. Steve
-
HAHAHAHA...thats damn funny and great job using those phrases...thanks for entering the contest and good luck!
-
Oh my Mark , this is hysterical ....and , and....but , but ..you look so normal Best wishes for the contest
Reenie
-
Being a tad bit wacked is good - it keeps life interesting!LOL as always - thanks for the laugh mark!
-
LMAO!! Well this explains alot. Ohh my gosh im still laughing. I love your sense of humor but now I would be lying if I did not say this bothers me a bit LOL. I hope you win this contest you deserve it. Awsome write hun
love and hugs
~Lena~ -
great
haha.. this is great... hilarious with great flow and rhyming.. wonderfully done. Good luck in the contest! -
this was a great art of work..was funny one..good luck in your contest..i loved the last ligns very much..If my poems seem a bit warped or bizarre.
I can't help it! It's in my genes!
lol..
great work!
-
oooops! Help! I'm melting!
-
you had fun writing it and i had a howling good time reading it.and i thought my family was weird.the flow is great and the rhymes were tops.i have come to enjoy your style very much and i like this humorous side too.
-
Hey David,
I just noticed that you signed your response on this poem with MY name! I guess our political beliefs are so much alike, our very identities are starting to blend! lol
Yours truly,
David -
Awwwwwwwww...poor cat. This is funny.
-
Uncle Jimmy sounded pretty cool in this. As for the rest of the poem, what can I say? I had a smile on by the time I finished it. Good luck in that contest.
-
This is just flipping funny...no doubt about it! Good luck; I had fun reading it!
-
I have to applaud you that was great.
-
excellent, well written
Love this. its cute and funny and i just needed to read something to pick me up. Its so original i love it!!! Very well written and absolutely creative indeed. Keep up the great work. -
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Shoot, I'm in the middle of commenting on your poem and laughing so hard that when my pc crashed I had to wipe the tears away just to see what I was doing!! Mr.Rickerby! You are one twisted,sick little puppy! ROTHFLMAO!! THANK YOU! I needed that. Oh you do have to win this one! You wicked,wicked man! I love this.. Good luck!! ~Michelle~ -
this is great really funyy i liek your style of writng and good luck in the contest
-
This is great, very funny and I hope you do well in the contest.
-
Thanks David
Glad I could give you a laugh. I will choose to ignore the Bush comment, you riot-inciter you. lol
Mark -
I love it! That is Shameless' favorite saying. Perfect choice and you have usued it hilariously as well. I cannot imagine him not liking this. This is going to be a ahrd one to beat. Great job! Thank you for the giggles Mark and good luck in the contest.
~Kimberly -
Uncle Mark
This is so incredibly cute! Very creative write you have made here It made me laugh I hope you win a trophy for this Uncle Mark, from beginning to end it was absolutely hillarious! Thanks for always being my sunshine 
---Sara
-
Ha...I loved this. Well done, its brightened my day to say the least. This should do really well from the others I have read. Good luck
Mark
Uncle Jimmy sounds like Bush supporters too
Edited on Dec 05, 6:38 p.m. because ''. -
oh mark i haven't laughed this hard in a long time i think it's because i realate so much for this if i had a buck for every stupid thing some one in my family did i would be the richest white trash hill billy ever known i just thank god that i out grew my twang and other then the big blonde hair you can'y notice my family roots i did have a very fun childhood through it all i'm very happy to be me thanks for the great reading and putting a smile on my face as i think of my years growing up
-
lol i loved it, that was awesome, wicked awesome job, and good luck to you in the contest,
-Peace
**FreaK**
-
Ya GOTTA be kiddin' me!!!
roflmao!!! Ohhhh, Mark!!!
'I know I probably shouldn't admit this
because I might damage the family name
but I feel I must explain my behavior
and there are so many people to blame...'
This line was my first clue what to expect...(having heard it before!!!)
"Hey, hold my beer and watch this."
This is priceless, my Friend...{gasping for breath} LOL
I have had cats before, many times...I can just see this happening!!! OMG...what a blast...not for your father, obviously...let alone the cat!!! hehehe But most certainly, for your fans here at AP...Bravo, Sir... Wanda
Edited on Dec 05, 6:33 p.m. because ''. -
lol. this was excellent. very funny. loved the pic.
-
This is so funny. You are so good at this. The rhyming is awesome and flows just right. Good luck in the contest!
-
Oh my goodness, Mark, this is adorable. So so funny. And the drawing....well, ha ha ha ha ha...it's what it doesn't show. I picture the cat reacting the way mine did when I (now remember I was just a kid..) put him on a leash and tied to the fence pole. Come to think of it, it was so he would be here when I got the carrier out the door. He literally walked on air, climbed on sky ..and you have never seen a cat run so fast in your entire life as he did when I let him go.
Your rhymes are always so natural..and warped just enough..you know? Picturing him covered in bandages..
Still laughing at this...Best of luck in the contest.
Maddie
Edited on Dec 05, 6:25 p.m. because ''. -
I'm pissing my britches here and not from homemade moonshine, I loved the way you wrote the poem around the pic to come up with a story. Very well-done| laughing all the way out of here! Gregg
-
Mark... This was great. I still can't quit laughing... You are so talented. I don't think I could come up with a poem like this. I loved it. Keep them coming. Jody
Adding your comment:
1 - 38 of 38
22 old applause
