There was a guy on the street and I loved him.
He was there for only a moment and it was true.
In him were all the phases of before
He was one and he was more.
There was a guy on the street and I loved him.
He was there just ten minutes ago and it's past
In him were all the hopes I longed for
He was there and never more.
There was a guy on the street and I loved him.
He was there, I'm not quite sure, and now he's gone.
In him was one of many.
He is fading and almost lost.
There was a guy on the street and I loved him.
He was there at some point and disappeared.
In him was nothing that was not seen.
Who was he and why am I still talking. . . ?
Author notes
Written December 5th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
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....i like this poem so dont take what im saying as actual critisism,ur a gud writter,ok?
repeating the"there was a guy on the street and i loved him"bit is good. the rhyming, its not one of those clasic perfectly rhynin poems BUT it has much cooler effect cos u dont end up saying random stuff just cos it rhymes. nice.
the one thing i would watch is mixing modern language(e.g."guy on he street"etc.)with old fansiondy/long windy atmosphere creating words. do uc wot i mean?im me if u dont.
x's row XOX -
oky doky,i just saw ur thing on the forum saying u wantd some decent critiqy fings so hear goes
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