You値l never know what they will come to be,
The children of your heart who live without your love;
At best, you leave behind but stings of grief.
You値l never share their triumph or defeat
And smile when again they rise with new resolve;
You値l never know what they will come to be.
You値l never comfort them in times of need
Or feel the subtle joy that always comes thereof;
At best, you leave behind but stings of grief.
You値l never see them strive to meet their dreams,
The hopes within their soul they struggle to achieve;
You値l never know what they will come to be.
You値l never beam a parent痴 prideful glee,
To see them find their way and how they learn to live;
At best, you leave behind but stings of grief.
You lost them as you swung your failing feet,
And now you池e just a void that they will always have;
You値l never know what they will come to be;
At best, you leave behind but stings of grief.
Author notes
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written December 5th, 2004
In a list
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Wow. Great job on this. And if you think about it, it's not only current parents who leave behind "stings of grief." Every teenage girl who kills herself is probably a future mother. Every teenage guy who kills himself might have been the true love of a woman's life. If they would just seek God and choose life, they would have it! Deuteronomy 4:29 says, "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." But too often they don't seek God and nobody encourages them to seek Him. So, thank you for the reminder to reach out to EVERYONE (even the "hopeless" people).
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I loved this! It was so amazingly sad to think of all the children left behind by sad parents. I read another poem today which was by the child of a parent who passed in this way. It is such a sad phenomenon! Well done though - you did this really really well!
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This is tear worthy..... I need to get several of my family members to read this! It is truely amazing Mr. Thomas... I know this hits closer to home for you than me but you have alot more patience with people like that when I would simply call them stupid and retarded for leaving behind a kid....
Moving and Inspirational....
KAY -
I think free formation would have done the emotional basis of this poem a lot of justice, however this form you call Villanelle (I have learned that I don't know a lot about them, and that I have a lot to learn about poetry itself), did a good job of progressing the poem. I must say though, the thought and indepthness of this piece shows a lot for character of knowledge and the strain of anguish of suicide. You have done a great job of showing what it is like not to have a parent there and what the decision of suicide has done to the child. All in all it is a great poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for enlightening me to a new form of poetry...
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What a time to be too busy to comment at length...This is very well done. I love Villanelles but they take a while to master...well worth the effort. Yours is beautiful.
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deep man, why is everyone making me cry today??
You got it... thank you for sharing....Awesome -
This is a difficult poem, in all phases of its life. Its inspiration must have been the source of incalculable pain and loss, the writing of it must have been difficult and only a mild relief, and reading it touches all who are parents - or children. Unfortunately, with depression and related illnesses on the rise, and easy means of suicide all too close at hand, this is not an uncommon story any more. Your choice of the villanelle as the form within which to constrain or at least structure all these emotions is a wise one. It allows you to select a very apt line as the most-repeated thematic line, and you finish with a very strong poem, capable of moving any reader. Having tried this form recently (inspired by your discipline, I might note), I understand how hard it is to choose the words that express what needs expression and still fit. You might want to look at these lines which read a little more awkwardly than others:
You値l never beam a parent痴 prideful glee,
To see them find their way and how they learn to live;
And now you池e just a void that they will always have;
Overall, a very powerful villanelle. Congratulations! -
Sadness. Boy, that is rough. It must be debilitating for a parent of someone who committed suicide. I'm so glad this isn't like the typical suicide poem, b/c they don't keep me interested very long. I like the device of using a villanelle to make lines repeat, and how the first line of the stanza fits in with them. Very good job on this.
Lo
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This was beautiful... but so sad at the same time. This was a wonderful write... nice work.
-Ashley,
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Is it not a wondrous thing. The English language contains between 400,000 and 600,000(at the most) words- (source Robert Claiborne, The Life and Times of the English Language). Of these, most people use a small fraction with which to communicate that which needs to be communicated. Out of that small fraction, words must be found not only to convey the feeling, idea and message(s) of such a poem as this, but must conform to the selected iambus, the vowel/consonant sound, (assonance, rhyme scheme) the syllable length of the lines, all in the correct sequence in order to create a piece such as this. I find it overwhelming that people even attempt to do this, never mind are capable of succeeding as you do in all of your work I have read so far.
Edited on Dec 23, 2:30 p.m. because ''. -
myron: ah! yes! glad you asked! there is a particular meter to this piece.
the a lines are strict iambic pentameter. if you're curious about how i would annotate that:
. - . - . - . - . -
or better yet:
(. -) (. -) (. -) (. -) (. -)
where each parenthasized element is a foot with the dots representing unaccented syllables and the dashes representing accented syllables. and, as you've already noted, the end-line prosody is assonance rather than rhyme.
the b lines, the middle lines, are strict iambic hexameter with a fixed caesura between the third and fourth feet. the way i annotate this is as follows:
(. -) (. -) (. -) / (. -) (. -) (. -)
where the forward slash represents what i call a soft caesura, which represents a brief, or soft, pause in the line. i annotate the hard caesura with a pipe (|) and use this to represent longer, or hard, pauses within a line. they can often be used interchangably depending on the overall prosody employed.
you felt that the b lines were using end-line rhyme, but they're actually using end-line consonance only. the rhyme between "love" and "thereof" is coincidental. the "l" phoneme (a phoneme is the smallest unit of linguistic conveyance, or pronunciation) in "resolve" is also coincidental, which i hoped would flavor the consonance a little, making this word a sort of partial consonance with the end-line consonance scheme of the b lines, or, if you will, given the overwhelming popularity of the term "slant rhyme" (which is used to improperly encompass anything that's not actually rhyme), slant consonance.
you'll notice also that i make use of anaphora with the "You'll never" phrase. this is also intentional and falls under the catagory of a scheme. this particular scheme is used in both rhetoric and prosody.
other prosodic devices were employed in the poem outside of the overall prosodic structure just described on a whim, mostly various flavors of internal and inter-stanzaic alliteration, consonance, and assonance.
hope you'll find all this of interest and of use (takes me 20 minutes to type up an explanation like this).
Edited on Dec 22, 5:27 p.m. because ''. -
finely crafted
this is a touching, moving poem as you already know...
i don't really want to talk about the content of the poem, because you've probably already got enough comments on that.
it's the craft in this villanelle which interests me. i've written half a dozen villanelle and find them very difficult.
i like how you have your middle lines rhyming, and how you leave the outside rhymes to assonance. it works very well on my ear, when i read your poem out loud.
the rhythm of the poem is full of energy and seems very consistent. i've never written much in meter and have not bothered to study it. is there a particular meter to this poem?
all the best over the christmas period,
yours in poetic form,
myron. -
Just picks up keyboard and throws it into the trash.
As a parent of two children that are my life, I was moved to weep. How a parent look into the face of what they created and despair I'll never know. I am an amateur poet. I write what I feel; I know nothing of forms and styles. But this, this was unbelievable. If it didn't make me feel better about myself, I'd stop writing on this site. This is what poetry is about.
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This is Great. Packed full of emotion and intesity. A great Job :-)
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I'm sorry that something so beautiful had to come from such grief.This makes me miss my father even more although health is what took him and at 29 I'm not a growing child.
This is a style I will try soon as I like the structure,it seem realitively straight forward.As long as the rules are simple and direct I'll get it.Strict rules seem to dampen my creativity for the time being.I'll check out the column you wrote on the villanelle as you seem to be quite thorough.So I'm sure there is one.
I hope that you continue to write here on AP as I have learned a few things from you in just over 24 hours.Knowledge is a great gift and I thank you for it. -
Tragic
Wow. This was awesome. I feel that way about my dad, but my mos still here thank God. This was very well written, and beautiful. Great job.-Amanda -
I knew a man once
he had a good job, a beautiful wife, and a newborn daughter
his life had some meaning
then he stuck a pistol in his mouth and threw it all away.
now his wife wonders why, as she struggles to raise a child by herself, and his friends, like myself, just don't get why he didn't come to us and ask for help.
did he think we would'nt give him the shirts off our backs, if that would have saved him?
and what of that little girl who will never know her father?
it was a cowardly act, and so unlike him.
what a shame. -
Nice to hear from you again after such a long passing of time, Miss Oneal.
How have you been doing all this time? Many things have changed for me, some for the better, some for the worse, but mostly for the better.
Yes, this is a moving write because it came from moving circumstances that recently touched my life and re-opened old wounds for a time... Anyway, very glad to see a few thoughts from you. -
A most moving and profound Villanelle, the message so poignant and insightful. You have written of an act which leaves a lifetime impact. Bless you, sharon
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this is really good come check out mine i need the advise
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this is well written and amazing. unfortunately i do not know alot about structure of poetry as i am still young and write whatever flows out of my heart but you being more experience have this knowlage of structure and meaning and you mix it well with emotions from yourself. An absolutely spectacular combination. This is amazing and a subject usually forgotton by most. well done and good luck with everything
Lauren xx
Edited on Dec 08 because 'type-o'. -
oh wow, this is just yeah, i am speekless, i mean it, never thought someone could say something this real, great going and keeo this up, you are one of the best i have ever read since i got here
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WHOA! I still like your former villenille "Clouds" thats my favorite poem I loved this and I thought it was clear! Easy to understand, I applaud your work Erin..you probably dont remember me anyways heh heh..stay in touch, comment my poems I promise to comment yours thats my policy
Keep up the great writing, I want to see more of these please!
-H.Trueblues -
A fantastic poem! Villanelles are quite hard to write and you've pulled this one off well. Perfect lines to repeat and a very sad subject to write about. Excellent meter. Kudos for you, good job, and keep writing!
~CT -
1919x: you'll find that the villanelle structure is ideally suited to the sort of content that has something to express in a relentless fashion. if you get two compatible phrases in your head that are potent and grammatically compatible, and if those two phrases seem to increase in force each time they are repeated, then you should be able to build a fairly successful villanelle (or villanelle variant) around those two phrases.
the repeating phrases in this villanelle came to me as i was lost in reflective thought about the recent and distant experiences that inspired this write. when the phrases came to me, i tried out a few other phrases with them mentally to get an idea of how difficult it would be to build a villanelle from the inspiration (i'm in the middle of a reading cycle and was not planning to start my next serious poem until later this week or perhaps even next week). when it seemed to pan out, i decided to commit myself to finding the poem behind the idea, and this is the poem that came out of all that.
Edited on Dec 06, 8:01 p.m. because ''. -
This is such an excellent piece of work..very touching and very deep..this is my first time stopping by your page,i beleive..so i really enjoyed reading it and i will go for more..keep up the great job!
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Subject aside, which is difficult at best to speak of in poetry, but to do so with the degree of keeping poetic expertise in mind... I have no clue how you managed that after reading your comments on your author page. This is perfect. The flow, the rhythm and that amazing resemblance of sound that you have added with your words. I am very impressed, although I know you are quite the accomplished poet. Beautiful form as always.
~Kimberly -
I do so agree with BonnieQ. The child of someone who committed suicide is at a great risk of attempting the same. I plan to go read her writing as soon as I finish here.
You are obviously a wonderful writier. You have a wonderful way of opening up the heart of the reader and delving right in with your words. This is a beautifully written piece of tragedy. Blessings, Patricia -
this is awesome.
a subject that not that much ppl write about...
great great! -
heartwrenching
Erin,
I have already commented on this privately, but let me add that. from a poetic standpoint, I was most impressed with the rhyme, assonance, and flow to this piece. Your tallents come shining through even as you tackle a tough topic...what an amazing accomplishment.
Kind regards and Blessings,
Del -
this is a great poem..it was beauriful and the words where powerful...I think you captured the feeling great.and wrote straight from the heart..
Keep it coming from the heart..
Haleigh -
I keep reading, and I'm never going to get over your absolutely outstanding use of meter. I was very intrigued by villenelle as a structure after I saw what you had written (particularly the phantom of wheeler camp) and have tried to write the structure myself, and found it is very difficult to repeat a line and give it new meaning for each stanza. You accomplish it very well. Keep it up.
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How can one NOT applaud this poem. its so deep and moving! Kudos to you for getting up the guts and strength to write this as I'm very sure this was very difficult to write. You should feel very proud and fulfilled in youself and your ability as a writer and poet. its hard to write about a lose and for that i send this comment. It even harder to express that loss well and in a beautiful fashion and that is why i send you some applause. May your sould bea at ease soon and i hope this poem has helped you as much as it has me.
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This is so beautiful and powerful,as well as sad. I think sadness is the easiest emotion to envoke, and you have achieved it well. I hope that this has never happened to you. I like the fact that each verse begins with "You'll never..", very powerful. A touching, thoughtprovoking poem
Pinkxxx -
very sad... but very good. Good job!!! moreso than that, I hope some parents who are thinking about it, read it and change their minds... i have a couple friends who have been effected from a tragedy like this...
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Thats so depressing, but I guess thats what makes it so great. THe last stanza was a really terrific ending, it was just so...perfect for a conclusion.
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yowza.
i enjoy this, immensely. the only villanelles ive ever really enjoyed have been those by rothke, but this is very well done. congratulations on defeating one of the most difficult poetic forms. anyhow, as much as i do like this poem, i found one of the main repeated lines "at best, you leave behind but stings of grief" to be a little awkward. it came together excellently at the end, but the comma seems to take a little away from it througout the poem. i dont know how youd put it otherwise, though, so do feel free to completely disregard the mention.
on a more personal note, despite that this is listed as personal, i sincerely hope it isnt. i know how hard it is to lose a friend to his own hand, i cannot begin to imagine how awful to lose a parent. *condolences*
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amazing. i dont even know what to say. put together perfectly.. awesome write!! peace
jess -
Excellent
I feel that a parent who has committed suicide leaves behind much more than the sting of grief: they leave a terrible legacy of suicide, the implication that it is the last resort to a seemingly insurmountable problem; which, of course, isn't true. It only compounds problems.
My mother committed suicide at age 58; but, she had tried numerous times throughout my child- and adulthood. In fact, I wrote a poem about it A Painful Legacy. The only way to overcome a parent's suicide is to better understand from where that parent was coming: which held true in learning about my mother's childhood. I also made the decision that the buck would stop with me: no such legacy would be left to my children.
This is an exceptionally good write that flows so smoothly with great rhythm. More importantly, it sends out a great message to all parents who have or will entertain the idea of suicide to end their personal woes and demons.
Lots of love and hugs, BonnieQ
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Very well done!
I've held the child who lost the parent... I've tried to heal their pain.. their guilt.. their "What did I do to cause Mom to leave me?" So much guilt.. -
Not what I had expected when reading the title. A very good piece. Bittersweet and sad. Nicely done.
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so sad ! people just don't realize the hurtful things they do to others, can cost a child their parent. wish othrs would think before they act in meaness. wonderful poem. enjoyed your work on this one.
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Great poem! It's realy good. It's well written and it flows like no other. I like the meaning behind it all also.Keep up the great poems. ~Ryann~
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Brilliant!
Amazing! I mean absolutely stunning! The repeatition was great. This wasn't exactly what I expected but it was worth the read. Great job all around. The message you gave was honest and true. The word "sting" used to describe grief was a stroke of brilliance! Very nice job. Keep up the good work. Turn on, tune in, burn out. Love and peace,
Kristen -
Wasn't at all what I expected. The flow was interesting and the fact that you used "sting" when talking about grief was also intriguing and unique. Nice write!
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it was a great write, it was true and sadful. I believe that anyparent who reads that knows that it's filled with truth and i know i want to see my kids grow up and hate to know that i made the life of my kids shity, well anyways great thinkings and great job.
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Deepest sympathy with the event that has (I assume) instigated this poem, and hoping your and yours get through it as well as can be expected. The form, or course is executed faultlessly according to your explorations and experimentation with it. The subject works well as one that requires the repetition of the lines used as reasons and arguments in a situation such as this. I could think of other persuasive reasons to raise, but then my mother has tried to commit suicide on several occasions, and as a parent myself have been on the brink, in both cases having been pulled back by other considerations, but that, is of course subjective and irrelevent to your poem. I shall return to your columns try to understand 'prosody' and the way in which it is applied, as I am a little slow sometimes - I WILL get it one day!
Edited on Dec 05, 1:15 p.m. because 'updated info on AS's author page'. -
Good job.
Excellent job. I write villanelles every once in a while, and it's a tough form to do well. Good job. -
Beautiful and heartrending! I was talking to a suicidal young mother just the other week and when I see her I will show her this poem. You may make a difference hopefully.
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Perfect for the subject
This is such a beautiful, yet tragic piece. I absolutely love it. It can relate to so many people on different levels who have had their lives interrupted by a suicide. Tears rolled down my face when I first read this poem. You truly do have a way with words and I have full confidence that your title is "poet."
~Bezoar
with lots of hugs and kisses. 
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