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Chambers Of Hell

hellish demons lurk
incubus controls your soul
damnation chambers

Author notes


Written December 4th, 2004

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Sandygram
    December 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much Colin, I im glad you finally like it. I do value your exrert opinion on haiku. Take care, Sandy


  • ColinSJones
    December 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    scared the life out of me... very dark haiku

  • Sandygram
    December 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the help Nat. It sounds alot better. Yea I just wrte this for a contest.I figured I'd try a different form then my usual rhyme. How are you? I'm sorry I haven't been in touch lately. I have spread myself to thin with helping these youngster. I hope all is well with you and you enjoy the holiday season. Do you know why Elaine hasn't been on.? I hope all is well with her too. You were both two of the first friends I made on here. If I never told you, Tthank you so much for that. You continue to help me even now with my haiku. At least I can spell it now Take care , your friend, Sandy


  • Talia
    December 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ah Sandy,

    A Hiaku is a verse which consists of 17 syllables mate.

    Try Hellish demons lurk,
    incubus controls the soul
    chambers of torment

    it doesn't have to be 5,7,5 either less the better

    demons lurk,
    incubus controls,
    eternal damnation

    This is very dark compared to what you write usually. Sorry for critical

    Good luck

    Natalia