You stay so strong
And so must I
Change my glass heart to steel
[But steel can’t feel-
Like it’s falling to pieces
And these shards stay lodged in my veins
Waiting for the chance to break free
From this...]
“what did you say?”
---nothing---
To whom do these trembling hands belong?
This damp cheek?
This clawed skin?
[and I didn’t mean for it to happen this way]
My soul, this barren cup,
Fulfills what purpose?
What anguish can be mended by
Untainted white?
It’s not murder, I didn’t know
I couldn’t know
I couldn’t….
Save
Her,
Myself
From the blood covered veil
Sweeping over the sky
That twilight like
Your eyes,
My eyes
[ honey-baby ]
It isn’t enough to say sorry
She’s dead
And I am the black
Slouched over the body
That is mybloodyourbloodherblood
At the foot of these
S
T
A
I
R
S
That cannot be erased.
This thing created
And taken away....
[It wasn’t me!
I wouldn’t!
I would never…]
It hurts so much - but i can't forget. I've learned so much - but what does that mean?
I
know
now
[In empty space no one can hear you scream]
and when you’re empty space inside
they don’t hear you either.
Not in the dead of the
day
What darkness can befall us when the sun shines so brightly?
["_HE_" will break you in front of the world]
And i've learned
No one will notice
It’s the sunset that kills you.
Too easy to
become so
immersed in the
red-pink-violet
and
overlook
the shadows
sweeping
in
then
before you
realize it
the
sky
is
stained
corpse
BLACK
Like Alex
Buried
_______ _____________
] [
] [
] [
] six [
] feet [
] under. [
]______________[
Author notes
if you're a "every other line must rhyme or it's not a poem" person i bet you hated this.
this is a very "exploritory" piece. exploring my dark, my pain, and strange styles. I hope you think it's normal enough to consider.
Written December 4th, 2004
A contest entry
- Forgive But Never Forget by Portkey2Nowhere.
300 points, ended June 15, 2005, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I dont know WHAT you are doing in my class with such a beautiful poem. Its incredible. Cant wait to read what you give me on my assignments. Thanks for sharing,
Your teacher (dont see why),
Rayyan
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outstanding
This my dear friend is beyond normal, only because we know no normal, it is only formal that we learn how to speak, normal is what we seek, at night when its dark, we all tend to weep. -
I usually don't pay that much attention to the actual set-up of a poem, you know, the way it looks on the page, but I must say, this showed me the impact the very look of a poem can have on the reader. So imaginative, sad, angry, melancholy, just wonderful really.
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death is my muse. you don't want to meet him.
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I absolutely adore this poem! It is just so beautifully written that I am giving you my last applause of the day! Great job, and I must meet your muse!
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Oh and on a side note the background picture is completely badass
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Wonderful piece.
I have seen poems written in a similiar format but never a poem as intriguing as this one. The lines prove that you have skill and the lay out helps the poem immensly which is a god thing, I find a lot of people who create odd formats just to have odd formats, which is not the case with this.
The topic was the kind of topic I like to read, but what really made this was the style...
Don't know what else to say
Very good work
I really liked that line.
I am familiar with this kind of format -
im so sorry for your loss, love. its so much more impactful when i know the subject. ::hugs:: i hope all is soon well.
-
some cheesiness. bad dairy!
ah! excellent. very cummings-esque. very interesting. who is alex and why is he in your poem? i would take him out. immediately. but thats just me.
and i think the brackets to make the grave are cheesy. very cheesy, past that. gah! your work is so good!
i feel so shallow critiquing what is obviously pretty immense pain when my work is all about how i love my matthew. *sigh*
anyhow, i love the format. its very exciting. very avant garde. very ...good.
keep writing, honey. this was a write worth reading.
blood covered veil--its been used before.
untainted white--its been used before...but you put a little bit of a new spin on both. good.
otherwise, an excellent piece. a pleasure to read. -
Wow! This was really really enjoyable to read. The layout was stunning, the stairs bit especially. I think you deserve all the applause you have up ther. Well done!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
xxBellaxx -
This is absolutely amazing, and I don't blame you for not wanting to shout out the explanation to the entire technological world. I wouldn't either in some cases. I can only hope that whatever has caused you to write a piece like this will soon resolve itself. I really do mean that.
As for the poem itself, it is wonderful. It starts off slow, then steadily builds up momentum until the last stanza with:
"immersed in the
red-pink-violet
and
overlook
the shadows
sweeping
in."
and then it just stops all of a sudden, so abrupt and wonderful:
"like Alex
buried
six feet under"
This is a wonderful piece, and I absolutely love it... even if the inspiration that caused it to be isn't so wonderful.
dangerous-angel
~Jessica~ -
I looked up to see myself standing over a grave. Tears streaming down my face for the so many losses. The way you typed the words impacted even the loosest bowel.
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awesome
this was a really good poem! i personally agree with you, not all poetry has to rhyme, in fact the majority doesn't. i especially liked how you did that hting with the letters of the word "stairs" going down like a staircase, and how you wrote the 6 feet under in a grave. this must have taken you some time to write and draw out! kudos for patience, talent, and creativity! -
oh my goodness...as you read this it just washes over you in waves of agony and pain....you've captured the sheer agony of losing someone in a breathtaking fashion...it's an incredible poem and i'm so sorry that you had to suffer. please keep writing this is amazing
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this is one of the most beautiful poems I have read in a very long time...excellent work...I cant wait to read your other peices....wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...
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wow this was soooo great so emotionional i loved the way you wrote it.... the flow of it was great i loved it wow keep up the great writing
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I felt like a shovel digging into the soil of your osul and turning over the dark nuggets infested with things better left buried and things needeing to be aired, great write, and i hope you clamber out of there soon.....Artis
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so sad...but such a good write. i felt like your feelings were screaming at me from this page. all the melancholy, irony, and general sadness were so moving. i loved the way you omitted spaces and spelled things like
s
t
a
i
r
s.
i was soo neat. it created a mental picture to go with the words, and made it a better poem, in my humble opinion keep up the awesome work. r0cK 0n.-cate -
I liked this alot! It was really unique...and I loved the way it flowed...awesome job keep it up!!!
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I love it. what else should be said? It's brilliant. You've created a visual with your words in more ways than one. bravo.
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excellent and well expressed.
wow! This is so very well written. I like the way you chose to present this. its definately unique and has this piece standing out from some of the others I have seen. Keep up the great work. -
All I can say is WOW!!. i loved it and i loved how you postioned it pure creative genius lol. great job and keep it up becasue you are a very talented person.
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Your so different and I love your way..The way you written your poem...the way it moves...the way you hold the dark feelings...and above else..I love you!!! You're uniqueness made me wild...So why wait for another day??? Go and write another one!...hmmmm........I'm waiting actually to read more from you........
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I'm not a fan of how pieces like this are typed. I loved everything about the poem other than the "I'm trying to be different" text movement, but alas poetry isn't based on such now is it? Aside from my problem with this piece everything else falls into shape of being prehaps one of the greatest things I have read in some time. Keep writing.
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this is deep, it invokes so many emotions. It almost reminded me of something like a soliloquy from a play.
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Hello, thank you for commenting on In-O-Scent. This poem was amazing. The style is so unique that it was one of the things that helped bring me into this poem. I loved how everything was worded, but the very end...that's one hell of an ending. This is just amazing. I'm really at a loss as to what I should say. I felt the emotion...the pain. And the way the poem looks just seems to add to the emotion. All scattered and different with every line. Great write.
Peace and Love,
Leah -
I love this style. free form poetry is so much fun. i really liked your format. these words are wonderful. i would really like to know what it is about (referring to your author comment) great work.
Kat D -
this was slick as shit....i loved the way the text moved...it was like a living thing, and thats what made it so amazing, the sheer motion of the piece. I loved it, and good luck in the contest.
Always,
~*XChelseaX*~ -
This wasa very dark, and moving piece... though i did say no lovey dovey..you pushedd the boundary... you almost crossed it.. AND I LIKED THAT!..live on the edge..lol.. heh.. Keep it up man... get your friedns to join too,..someone just wihtdrew from my contest so i need entries!..lol.. anyhow.. yoyu have a clear shot at the running...
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