Beating faster
My heart soars
High above my head
So high, I can see everything
But mostly I see you
I see your inner thoughts
Your darkest secrets
I see your caring eyes
And the love you have for me
Then we meet
Hearts become one
Soaring together
They shall never part...
Author notes
I decided to ramble something that might be considered worthy to be called a poem. I have not written for so long so thought I'd take a stab at it again.
Written December 4th, 2004
What did you think
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1 - 5 of 5
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As I was reading this poem in my hammock, I had to acknowledge that this poem had great phrasing and an even better opening. Sadly, this poem then descended into cliche. Witness these lines:
Hearts become one
Soaring together
They shall never part...
Millions of poems have had these lines in them. I distinctly remember a Spice Girl song having one of them. Many a 19th century Elizabeth Browning poem had the phrase "soaring together" in it. Put plainly, it is tiring to read the same thing over and over again. Can't you come up with anything more creative?
ricochet rabbit
president
hammock school of literary criticism -
It's hard to get away from cliches when writing love poetry.
Aren't those feelings wonderous? lesigh
I noticed one typo - 'secretes' should be secrets.
Thank you for sharing - I hope you continue writing! -
This is very nice, and a perfect excersize for getting back into the swing of things. I think it could be even better with some added imagery, but over-all, it is very nice.
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AWESOME
tHIS WAS AWESOME. I COULD FEEL THE PASSION IN THIS FOR YOUR LOVE. IT'S REALLY GREAT. I LOVE LOVE POEMS. -
Great
I needed a good love poem! This was it! Thaks and keep writeing this was good!!! Sorry about the !!!!! I'm in an overly good mood at the moment.
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