~
With midnight
ink handwriting
upon cloudy paper
glued to my blue madness mirror.
I sink split horizontal under
caressing consonants and velvet vowels.
Rhymes trail the infinitesimal
verse curve of my back bare
climbing edges of my maniac hair
sticky kissing insomniac air.
~
Absently and always alone
I prickly pretend I own
the poetry note you wrote.
I crawl beneath its calligraphy coat
wrapping flighty feet to thin throat.
Its enduring evade aches me
laid in linger braided billowy.
By sky of maimed Moon's nightlight
I lie back to stacks of your hand write
for just one more midnight.
~
Author notes
Written December 1st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- **Comments Contest!!! Lots of Points!** by Soft rayne.
690 points, ended January 19, 2005, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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excellent poem......inspiring write
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Wow, so cool. It's almost Dada in the way that the magic of randomness makes sense from nothing. And also soaked in sensuality. Perfectly expressed. Amazing, Dawn. The more I think about it the better it gets.
Elle -
i read this many times, trying to glean every ounce of beauty i could from it. each time, a new image presented itself to me. i discovered in the second reading that you had rhymed - the poem itself stood on its own, the rhyme only adding a lovely sound. speaking of sound - you use a lot of assonance and consonance in this piece. it is so wonderful to find poets who do this well. this is the kind of piece (were i still teaching high school) i would ask to use in my classroom as an example of playing with sound. i am learning much reading your work.
illusions -
Well Dawn, although this poem was written some time back, it's clear it was phenomenally popular when you did introduce (look at all those applause, and reads!). As a threshold matter, therefore, this only further convinces me you should return to the process of composition. All AP benefits from such beauty, and you prosper in the magnificant vocalisation you give to your thoughts. That is borne out by the fact that some of the praise in your comments comes from poets also on my favs list, and whose words and accolades carry particular weight (at least in my book).
Anyway, there are some many wonderful complexities and devices to this work. Whether directed to the verse set to pen of a loved-one, or to the process of poetic composition itself, your words are marvelously chosen. A mere example are the two lines "I sink split horizontal under / caressing consonants and velvet vowels." The two lines produce a lovely summary of the poetic explorations that adorn the entire piece. Within the lines, you play on the very poetic devices you extol -- e.g., combined alliteration, consonance and assonance ("sink split", "caressing consonantts", and "velvet vowels"). Those lines are followed by three more, this time introducing internal and normal rhyme, as well as again alliteration/consonance: " Rhymes trail the infinitesimal /
verse curve of my back bare / climbing edges of my maniac hair." Throughout, the vocabulary is carefully chosen, and the ultimate picture brought to bear is as complex and deep as the words used to effect that intelligent sense. This was dutifully praised, for it is just an outstanding poem. -
This is my "Stunned into silence" mode.
Really beautiful, loved the alliteration. Totally unique and excellent. -
This is absolutely beautiful! I love it. I am adding it to my favorites, just so I can go back and read it agian. I love this wonderfully penned!
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Touching and masterful!
What a beautiful poem!
I love:
"Absently and always alone
I prickly pretend I own
the poetry note you wrote.
I crawl beneath its calligraphy coat
wrapping flighty feet to thin throat"
Classic!
This poem makes me feel gently devastated for the loneliness we endure...and sweetly proud of our strength to find the beauty in our pain...
Cheers! -
och, dawn
here this made me feel so alone, and i am left wondering if ye werena feeling a wee bit this way for yourself. how i love the ink dripping from your pen, your soul. weather it be in hues of blue, purple or gold. i feel like a shel sometimes, and let ye colour me like the dawn would colour an empty syk. and these precious words, that tumble from your soul, cascade in rich visions... and scream to be touched. to be heard. here, right here, and the essence of ye echoes in my empty sky lineing.
i love ye faithfully.
arden -
excellent example of imagery and imagination. To wrap yourself to the neck in someone else's word is a very powerful symbol.
Strong work.
~Ody~
Edited on Jan 24, 3:23 because ''. -
HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP. This is awesome. It was like an experience, I have no Idea what else to say, it was like...a trip!
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wow, the description was incredible, I loved way you made the note come alive with "midnight ink" and "velvet vowels"
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i'm speachless, what a way you have with words, im bookmarking and applauding... this is an amazing poem, i cant wait to read some of your others. good luck in the competition, you deffinately deserve to win. keep on writing wonderful poetry. louise.
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Wow!!! That was truly an amazing poem.
Loved the wording and the description
of it all. I have read this poem over and over
and it gets better with every read.
Keep up the good work, Pen to paper.
HAPPY NEW YEAR -
This is really written very well. It is just wonderfully worded and flows beautifully. You have done a great job with this. I enjoyed reading it.
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time to promote this....
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Flawless Emerald (my favorite gem)
I can't read this one enough...over and over again it stays beautiful and right. -
Simply beautiful!
I crawl beneath its calligraphy coat
wrapping flighty feet to thin throat.
Wow, those lines just crawled under my skin and sent ripples down my spine...What a lovely poem this is - so beautiful, so gentle in its sadness. How happy I am that I've decided to return some of the favours you have bestowed on me!! I like the almost abrupt writing style of this poem - it adds to the "sharpness" of the emotional content - almost as if the feelings are played in a staccato manner - enforcing the feelings of yearning and sadness.
I lie back to stacks of your hand write
for just one more midnight.
Very powerful emotions and imagery - it takes the mind on a stroll and stirs the leaves of the soul... Beautiful poem, Dawn - a winner!!
~ Nicolette
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This is a very interesting poem. The breaks you created between the stanza's really created a break in the poem for me and I felt like I was almost reading two different poems. Though they clearly were only one. This was a good piece, you used an excellent form and perfect words to describ your scene.
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I missed this when you posted it.
It is such a sad musing.
I have burried myself in letters, poems, read them over and over when you are away from "the one." You captured those feelings so well with your images. -
Couldn't sleep huh...lol...yeh I get that way to.
I was actually composing poems in the dreams the other
night. I think that's a sign I should maybe take a
break huh...
Hugs...Eddy -
Brilliant and Heartfelt
I sing these songs to free you, if only for awhile...
This is one of the best I have ever read here, but then this type of heart you write about is all too known to me, for it is like hearing my own song and cercumstance at this time in my life...so so if only for awhile, it is important to let someone near you. -
AWESOME
oooo I love this poem, possibly my favorite. It's just so... descriptive and delicate. Awesome job, keep writing! -
perfect
aahh. I cry in wonder of the beauty of your words. In amazement and in frustration because these words show the way I have yet to travel in writing. Oh and how arduous it seems now...
Critique? Why, it is perfect.
Edited on Dec 03, 1:37 p.m. because 'haphazardly cantankerous'. -
Amazingly Worded, And Moving!
Your words always move me, I guess because I love ya so much, and with that added emotion of vivid imagery you share here, well, kinda moves the soul of me within, and pulls a bit upon my heartstrings... We both seem to have those
writes...
I have been missing you, and your poetry, as you know we used to pen all the time, but now I feel as though I've lost a big part of my new found life, for the day I met you here, and there, we always enjoyed each other's souls, and chated together like brother and sister...
Thanks so much for commenting on my work, and I want to let you know, I really think you did a wonderful job expressing yourself here, as you always seem to do through poetry.
I shall catch up with ya soon, you take care, and remember sweet soul I'm always here for you!
-Timothy
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Excllent, don't miss this 1!
I haven't read with any regularity at AP this past 1/2 yr. Just to many irons in the fire. What a treasure to find this on my list of favorites to pop in and read. This poem for me the reader flowed so smoothly. Mystical and magical, like a slow breath taking waltz. The words keep flowing through my thoughts. I read this several times. Somehow this piece of your work just spoke to my inner spirit. I'm bookmarking this poem. I don't bookmark many. Thank you 4 sharing with us at AP. Hopefully after the holidays, I be around regularly to read. I sure have alot to catch up on around AP.Beautiful presentation. Unique style, form and content. Very refreshing read by being so different from so many others. God Bless, prairiegal -
Dawn,
I am glad to see a post from you. this was absolutly breath taking. I really loved this piece.
Yvonne
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My Dearest Dawn ~
I'm sure that note (s) will always hold a very special place
The sweetest memories never seem to be without entanglements of sorrow.. do they?
I have a few of my own girl ~
I've worked through but are never far from my thoughts
Of course, you know how beautiful this is wrote
It tugs at every heartstring possible
each caressing consonant and velvet vowel
Your writing makes me wish i could write you a happy ending
my sweetest girl
I guess the best i can do, is say how much..
"I Love You" my sweet girl! ~
Always ~ Mina XOO
Edited on Dec 02, 5:04 p.m. because ''. -
i can not say anything else as everyone has summed up the beauty of this poem in their comments... the air of emotion... the personification... the originality of the piece... all there is left to do is applaud you...
*Shadow -
wow, this was really good. the rhymes flowed nicely and overall, it was very eloquent. Very nice writing. I really, really liked it.
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An interesting write, full of expression. You do a good job of expressing your feelings. Well done.
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a refreshing poem by far
the way you've turned some words backwards and rearranged them gives an exotic flair.
this is definitely a poem to be proud of! -
This is a beautiful write. I love the background too. You really know how to kapture your feelings in a poem. Keep up the good work.
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What an a amazing piece you have shared. Filled with such longing, such emotions. Terrific Terrific Work!
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This is really good....there is great expression
and emotion in this.. the rhyme scheme is great and it
helps the poem flow evenly which it does...
~thanks for sharing~
~gio~
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I normally write more comprehensive critiques but this just poem danced, I mean the expressionisms used are well crafted and respect for taking the time in writing this because it shows and is polished
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off the beaten path I roam to find a different approach to our poetry verse and here you lead me to roam a mystical new poem of alliteration and great form....
one question bare back?
I kinda was jolted on that line
Tamara
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This was very well written. I enjoyed the use of words. It was a poem that I had to read over a few times to comprehend. But I like that type of poetry at times. Great job!
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Your words swirl in the winds of the unique. The images you have chosen to use are brilliant and so beautiful. Your writing is amazing. Keep in writing and good luck in life.
~Shadow~ -
I am absolutely adrift in a sensory-overloaded-sea..the lines you have used are marvelous this one in particular..." crawl beneath its calligraphy coat"...wish I had thought of it first...you of course, earn my applause..you have dazzled me
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Oh how I like the twisting and the churning of the words you have choosen! This makes the mind swim with images of a mass variety! Torturing and soothing gripping and passive this is a great piece! Keep up the great work you are doing here!
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i loved the pretending part. it sounds so bittersweet, like waiting for someone to come home, knowing that someone will never do. awwww.
This was really good.
Keep writing
Kannika -
I know you might think I am a wierdo, well not think lol you know. But thats another story lmao
I think this has a touch of sensual in it
anyways this is a beautiful write the way you have put this together. 
One more thing before I go
BOUT BLOODY TIME YOU POSTED SOMETHING
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Beauty personified in my opinion. Quite haunting as well, I love the atmosphere you create.
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This is more than magnificent! You have such a strong way with words that just peels the skin off your readers. I found this VERY intriguing! A beautiful and sad write from your pen!
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Dawn
Oh sweetie, this is truly magnificent!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt the tension and sorrow between your incredible words
Your poetry always paints the most incredible pictures, and wow girlie, I am envius of your unique and incredibly interesting vocabulary
This poem kinna resembles the attitude of my last write, but yours is soooooooooooooooooo much better
I am promoting this cause I love it s
Love you lots,
Karen
Edited on Dec 02, 9:39 because ''. -
Oh how interesting...
I simply love poems that take me off the beaten path.
This is unique yet very poetic.
Love it
Hugs
Pat -
Yes, masterful, the rhyme, the alliteration...the theme of the lonely poem that could wrap you in itself, if only you had ownership of it.
Ownership is a fickle thing, and the only truth we can really depend on is that we can hope to own ourselves.
"kissing insomniac air" I do this nightly of late, know the feeling well. -
You are a master of the vocabulary! Showering rhymes at us is very lethargic. Although I am awashed in the glow of your words, they rock me into mellow moods of sadness and cause me to bellow from beyond a somber state. Very sad but baby your usual beauty just shines, and sines, and shines... LOL Who lit that bunny up???
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this is very cool. i love this piece. it is so beautiful and sad. the ending is wonderfull. and i love the word choice. it is just over all wonderfull. it touched me. great write.
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Nicely done and strongly written.
~Fiyah~ -
A beautiful and sorrow filled piece sweetie. But it is nice to see something from you again
rain
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