When I found her she was as a doll,
the porcelain kind
Kohl black yet slight infractions,
those were her spider web eyes
Intricate as they were,
they appeared to be missing something
Her lips now blue, silent and cold
appeared to have kiss the moon once to often
Her skin now chalk white
it was drained of it's colors
She seemed to have found frailty's other half
her body motionless, seemingly isolated hands
She is a victim of broken promises
now she lives only in dreams, my dreams
She is my silver bullet,
that which haunts and torments me
She is now the brine,
in the salt water of my tears
If only I had listened,
for she was never unworthy of heart
She is, was and forever will be my little star,
beyond a shadow of a doubt
You see she is my daughter,
whom has brought home more than a soft knowledge of self abuse
(c)2004
~Nikki~
Author notes
I have chosen option Number 1.
The titles of poems of yours I have used; but not in order given, are
Doll, Spider Web Eyes, My Little Star, Kiss The Moon, Silent and Cold, Only in Dreams, Drained of it's Colors, Frailty's Other Half, Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt, Missing Something, A Soft Knowledge Of Self Abuse, Isolated Hands, Unworthy Of Heart, Silver Bullet, Broken Promises and Salt Water.
I thought this was a really good contest idea and had fun working through this one as sad as it is!
Written November 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Perfection Is Suicide by Mildew in PinK tile.
800 points, ended December 6, 2004, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow, just, wow, wow, wow. I am usually more apt to jump right in and say something, but you have really floored me here. Such an emotional and heartbreaking piece of poetry. I am left with more words than I can possibly say, but if this is true and this actually happened I send you ten million trillion
and 
for all that you have been through.
It is rare that you read a poem about suicide that doesn't just come of as exploitive and immature, but this my dear, oh, this is amazing, professional, with that perfect sense of personal emotion that just jabs a thick knife into your heart when you try and comprehend what it must be like to have this happen to you in general, let alone have this happen and the person it happens to is your daughter. Whoa, painfully beautifully. You have moved me with your words, and that is not something that happens everyday.
much love,
James
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The images in this piece was outstanding, almost so vivid as to give me chills. It has such a haunting, loving feel, the kind that carries the numbness in the aftermath of looking into the eyes of death and wondering why you are there and what you could have done to keep it from your door. Very well written my friend and highly effective in it's impact upon the heart, mind and senses. Bravo! Blessings, Gypsy
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Very amazing piece you have written here! I hope though that is not true! If it is I am sorry for your lose and wish for you some kind of peace! The piece itself has a wonderful flow to it and the words paint a vivid image! Very well Done!
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Wow .... amazing....you wrote this as if you had first hand knowledge...I find this ability the sign of a realy gifted poet. A poet who can take anything and work words of magic into a story so believable...so imaginative....so focused that it draws you in and holds you there until the end.
Great write.
Billy -
This seems such a difficult contest but you've done superbly well... though I liked all of it but these metaphors're the clingers for me...
She is my silver bullet,
She is now the brine (last time I heard the word "brine" was in my chemistry class...lol)...
i must give you the credit for depicting your sad feelings so subtly ... the title say is it all... good luck...
mina
Edited on Nov 30, 8:18 because 'typo'. -
most amazing
wonderful piece this was...i think the things that stick out the most to me are the fascinating description of her eyes and the "soft knowledge of self abuse"....those just grabbed me...all together, though this was a great piece...an effort put to good use, a nice treat on this chilly november morn! it carried a subtle warmness...like this poem is sad, but it flows and speaks enough to make you smile...i don't know how you did it, but you have done a most amazing job my friend...most amazing!
anyonita -
This took my breath away , first because of the beautiful metaphors you used in it , and then when I came to the end......you never did say if this is a true story or just a contest entry , but it hit hard right into the gut . Best of luck and much love,
Reenie
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o WOW! i liked this! i was really looking forward to reading this b/c you sounded so up to writing it
and i was right ti came out great! flowed real well and i loved it! thank you for entering hehe
~Audri -
excellent
wow.. thats all I can really say is wow.. Im soo sorry to hear about your daughter. My jaw droped to the floor when I got to the last stanza. I have such respect for being strong and able to write this and go on with your life after something as tragic as this. I have an 8 month old son and I dont know what I would do with myself if I ever lost him.. which bring me back to when i was in the 6th through 10th grades, I tried suicide many a times.. never succesful, but i attempted it. Im soo sorry. You have my great respect and my prayers are out to you. I think by far, my favorite line in this whole write is
'appeared to have kiss the moon once to often' Im not sure why, but it is. Your a awesome person. Stay strong, May God be with you.
Love ~ Jess ~ -
That is an incredible write. So beautifully sad. You did good work on this one. I love how you wrap it all up in suicide. Very surreal.
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This was a fantastic write. It is hard to decide how to use certain words or phrases when given to you. You did a fabulous job though and the image you paint is haunting. Great write.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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